Category Archives: Consideration

“Like me on Facebook”..

Join my network on Linkedin, follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat……

Social media has become the new personal ad agency for millions. They no longer use social media to stay in touch with distant or lost friends, but now it has become an exercise in absolute hype, with certain people adding everyone they meet, and everywhere they go, and everything they hear about to make themselves appear more ‘hip’ and popular.

We hear more and more about “ Click Agencies” where you pay a fee to have incremental ‘clicks’ or ‘likes’ in order to appear more popular or even more fabulous, and some are paying even more to be selected to go to the top of Google Searches through Google Analytics.

For some individuals, life has become nothing more than an endless stream of shallowness, photos taken trying on fabulous clothes, shoes or handbags in high end shops that are never purchased, which is grotesquely cruel to the shop clerk working on commission, and spending their time on someone who has neither the money nor intention to actually purchase the goods, but simply wasting their time trying to look fabulous for the 15 seconds required to take a selfie and post it on social media.

Photos of cocktails in posh clubs, dinner plates in fabulous restaurants, in doorways of private clubs…all to enhance one’s perceived fabulousness….all fake, all shallow, all over in 15 seconds, but with a photo which lives on forever….

So, are they really trying to impress us or themselves? Certainly, I have asked numerous people about some of their so-called ‘friends’, and have been repeatedly told that they have no idea who the individual is, however as they were asked to be ‘friends’ they added them to increase their public footprint and media presence…….seriously???!!??

I receive an endless stream of invitations to add people on Linkedin due to my International network, when I invariably email those I know personally to advise that I do not participate, it is fascinating to see how few actually reach out to say hello. Most never reply. So it is painfully obvious that they were fishing for my contacts and were caught……..one or two inadvertently admitted it………

There is a dark side to this behaviour, these people have shown their true colours, and I know truly they are, and they will be avoided.

The latest buzzwords are ‘Transparency” and “ Authenticity” ….but the reality is that the large majority of people blasting these concepts around are anything but.

Like most things in life, there has to be a balance, if one is a student of human behaviour, which clearly I am, I tend to monitor trends, behaviour, speech patterns, body language, and actions over words. Invariably people get found out. …

“Thou doest protest too much…..” if someone has to post endlessly about their “ Authenticity” , fabulousness, or brag about their sheer volume of followers, there is something fundamentally wrong…..

Life is to be lived, with real live humans, for more than 15 second installments, and ideally in private….

Do You Know Who I AM ???

The World has changed.

I grew up in a world where the vocabulary was, ‘yes please’, ‘no thank you’, ‘how do you do’, ‘no thank you’, ‘pardon me’.

Today, on this continent, it appears that manners are a sign of weakness.

Since when does society reward the loud, vulgar and obnoxious at the expense of others? It appears that if they are loud and holler out, ‘do you know who I am’?!!!

With the correct swagger and aggression, they are rewarded with the great table in a restaurant, a free cocktail, and lavished with attention from all the servers, while the quiet, polite, unassuming individual is given the dreadful table in Siberia, and is lucky to be served.

Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, never ending selfies often with a ‘fish pout’, vulgar clothing, even more vulgar comportment, and a level of exposure that leaves little to the imagination, and is neither sexy nor elegant. The importance of having one’s face plastered all over the digital world has become de-riguer, and the more followers, or ‘friends’ the better. Now to make things even worse, we have people posting ‘live’ feeds of themselves doing everything from going to the hairdresser to humiliating themselves chasing someone they perceive as important to have themselves in a photo frame with them. SOO embarrassing…….

The Grand Prix was just held in Montreal, and some of the outfits at the events were extraordinary. Frankly, I do not know why some of the women even bothered putting clothes on, they left so little to the imagination……..

Today, behaving like a Lady or a Gentleman with manners can feel socially detrimental. Certain individuals, clearly dragged and not brought up, can actually be rude towards someone who is polite to them. Gone are the days when someone actually says ‘Thank You’ for holding a door.

How many cocktail parties have you gone to where you are speaking with someone and they are looking over your shoulder to see if someone more famous enters the room?

One dreadful woman who is 50, unmarried, with a blackmail child, and desperately seeking a RICH husband to pay her bills actually asks people, OUT LOUD, ‘Who are you?? Are you important?!!! “

Yes, you read it.

Yes, I wrote it.

Yes, she SAYS it.

Even worse, yes, she MEANS it.

In a local restaurant she frequents, she had ignored a friend of mine for years, whenever a friend of hers would speak with him, she would make it clear she did not find him important enough to even look at.

One day, she saw a massive ring on one hand, the piece is  a large vintage ring surrounded by many diamonds, and a spectacular bracelet on his wrist . Her head literally SNAPPED, and she turned around and  headed back to his table and actually, in a public restaurant, asked him out loud if he was rich!!!

Well, as his friend for over 25 years, I can attest to the fact that he is a multimillionaire, but he is also gay and in a long term relationship. He also has an absolutely wicked sense of humour.

He had heard rumours about her, but presumed that it was pure cattiness until he experienced it personally. He quietly told her that he was not rich enough to satisfy her needs, and off she went.

As you can imagine, when I visited him a week later, he was still reeling from the experience, and had me doubled over, laughing so hard I was practically in tears as he recounted the story with much drama inserted!!

Seriously, you can’t make this up!!  It is another case of life being more absurd than fiction!!

But, I digress.

The mere idea that someone could actually say out loud, ‘Do you know who I AM!??”

Or , ‘Are you rich??!!”,   “Are you important??!!” denotes such an extreme lack of class that it boggles the mind.

The real question is, who are they actually trying to convince???

IS THE GLASS HALF FULL??

We have our own histories, realities, perceptions, interpretations and opinions based upon our own life history, optics, and experiences.

Some people, like moi, tend to question, and are, by certain individuals, considered to be cynical, others simply accept whatever is thrown at them as the truth.

Society today, bombarded with the faces and manufactured stories of the rich and famous, clamour to be part of that experience. Life is lived instantaneously through images captured and posted online to make the perpetrator feel somehow more important, connected. Some people, like myself, were brought up NOT to brag, not to ever use the name of another to promote ourselves, are somehow lost in the wind…and forced, unwittingly to do some level of self promotion otherwise we are perceived as weak, or somehow, losers.

Remember when the elegant Society Queens said there were only 3 times in ones’ life that your name should appear in the newspaper?? Birth, Engagement and Death. Period.

Today if your name is not plastered everywhere in social media, you are somehow considered to be ‘out of it’ not ‘with it’ . Unimportant. Passe…..

Women in particular, were brought up to gush positivity, never say anything negative about anyone, and smile. Unfortunately, today, people lie incessantly, and promote themselves ruthlessly. From the Social Pages with the gushing social editor ranting endlessly about all these Fabulous people and their equally fabulous lives and careers, to those who have carefully crafted  public personae, to worse, those who pay a fortune to PR’s to spin their fabulousness, and ensure they are invited to the BEST parties, and photographed …..

One acquaintance brags incessantly about her fabulous life, her international business….to hear her speak one would believe she is earning millions. Reality is a far cry from the rhetoric. She is broke and seriously in debt.

Another scratching social climber  from a poor immigrant family, is nauseatingly sweet to those who she feels will promote her pretend fabulousness, while ruthlessly destroying the reputation of anyone in her path.  Over the last few years I have unfortunately found myself increasingly distancing myself from both the self-promoters and the believers. The believers feel that having the self-promotors in their lives somehow makes them more complete, part of the ‘in crowd’ whatever that is.

They describe these individuals as brilliant, kind, exceptional, whereas others of us can’t get far enough away from them. Watching from a safe distance, however, is an absolutely fascinating experience. From speech patterns, eye movements, body language, being an observer as opposed to a participant is amazing.

There is one particularly pushy individual putting on airs and speaking with a fake English accent, trying to convey his British Upper-Class status. Unfortunately, both his actual behaviour and speech patterns convey the exact opposite.

The vocabulary is wrong, and most importantly, anyone from an important British family would NEVER publicly humiliate someone else ……it is simply NOT done. This individual is famous for it. Cross him in any possible way and be screamed down, with absolutely no consideration as to who is watching…..

There are several older socialites who continue to scratch and claw their way up the social ladder, utterly ruthless as to destroying anyone who is not helping them reach whatever heights they are seeking. One publicly exclaimed that she no longer speaks to those not in her social class….Seriously?!??!  she comes from nothing, and by making this statement, it speaks volumes to the fact she has zero class.

Go to London, associate with the powerful and find a totally different reality. They are incredibly polite and speak  to everyone.

I am always fascinated by elderly women still wearing Princess garb to balls at 70 years old. The description of ‘mutton dressed as lamb’ comes immediately to mind, scratching to reach some mysterious place which continues to elude them.

But true civility and elegance are timeless, and anyone watching from afar simply sees them as sad.

Another of my favourites are those who speak with soft kittenish voices, trying to show their current prey how sweet, kind and considerate they are.

In truth, most are pure poison.

From trying to lure a potential  man to the shop-keeper trying to elicit the secrets of those around her, with this fake sweet, ‘do come sit with me and tell me all about it’

But do something to cross these women and experience the most vicious attack ever, and the sweet soft voice immediately becomes loud and vulgar and seriously cruel.

If, in life, something appears too good to be true, then usually it is precisely that. From the investment yielding profit margins that exceed anything on the market, to Real Estate deals……. remember the old jokes about buying swamp land in Florida??

It is increasingly difficult today to know what is real.

From company web pages extolling their incredible success, and international reach, then find out the business is in someone’s basement and the so called successful President with the incredible resume has been fired from every job he has ever had. …but the web page is extraordinary, impressive. If you are a believer you will be taken in, and it will cost you dearly.

A certain politician has now been documented with 440 lies. …this is mind blowing. Many of those who voted for him, still believe in him, and will not be convinced that he lied.

They believe the rhetoric, drank the kool-aid, still do not doubt even though the truth is in front of their eyes.

True believers.

So, one could argue either way, cynic or realist?? Doubter or believer??

Many people do not wish to question, they are safe and content and unthreatened in their ignorance. It is easy. Safe.

How many times does someone need to say they are honest, kind, generous, popular, successful before others blindly embrace this false truth?? That you have been lied to, used, and nothing was real.

Is the glass half empty???

More telephone madness…..

It never abates, just gets worse.  Clearly our company falls into this category, but it is intentional. After having a published phone number and address for ever, and having to tolerate incredibly rude people actually turning up at the door, and in some cases being threatening, others trying to sell a myriad of unwanted products, and far too many looking for jobs, and having been told by ‘Outplacement Firms’ that turning up at someone’s door unannounced is wise, it has been a choice, and in our case, as our Company has operated ‘Word of Mouth’ from the outset, yes, we are difficult to find.

I have been screamed at by SO many rude sales people calling and insisting on speaking with the President, and calling me every possible name imaginable, when I have politely inquired ,
‘how may I help you’ ??
What they ALL missed, was that they WERE speaking with the President, and were RUDE, RUDE, RUDE.
This is not the case of the corporations where I tried to reach people over the last few weeks. They were ALL FORTUNE 500 companies, listed on the stock exchange, and with thousands of employees.
The latest in the list of corporate insanity, is saving money by eliminating a central phone number and receptionist.
Google their head office phone number, and find a 1-800  customer service number, and a customer service email address, along with a diatribe about their ‘preference’ for email.
Are they for real?!!
When I advised a Vice President of one of these companies about it, he emailed me back and announced that he was also unable to find one and would look into it.
Several weeks later, still no published phone number, in 2 cities.
These companies are ostensibly running businesses for profit,
They have shareholders.
They have customers.
They have employees.
They require NEW customers.
Unless I am seriously missing something, if you can’t EVER reach a human being, why on earth would you ever want to do business with them?  And the bigger question , which is actually the point of this BLOG, is just exactly WHAT HAPPENS IN CASE OF EMERGENCY?
Are you supposed to email an anonymous address may only be read by or answered by someone thousands of miles away in an offshore call center??  It could take days or weeks before someone actually responds, and they are clearly not in any position to do anything.
SO, if someone is walking on the street and sees something happening, there is absolutely NO WAY to contact the company about it, other than to run into the lobby and grab a security guard who probably couldn’t care less.
If there is a crisis at someone’s home, and a neighbour tries to call someone at work to notify them, it is impossible.
Clearly in the rush to automate and save money, the concept that humans actually make up a company has been missed.
My favourites include companies with a central phone number with an automated voice telling you to leave your message in general delivery. Attempts to reach an operator result in the call being
terminated.
The other stroke of genius is when one calls a company only to be rudely interrogated by some snippy receptionist who insists on knowing the reason for your call, and why you do not have the person’s personal mobile number. If she is unsatisfied with your response, she will hang up on you.
I asked one incredibly rude woman if she was actually paid to insult people before hanging up on her. She was seriously incredulous she was so rude.
This is a common complaint from people I know in numerous industries.
Is anyone listening??
Does anyone care??

Friendship

Friendship or a business arrangement? Sometimes it is hard to tell.

If one is reasonably sociable, there are always new people to meet, and as the holiday season approaches, endless cocktail and Christmas parties. Some people are absolutely incredible at walking up to total strangers, extending their arm and introducing themselves, and often, this is also where you discover their true motives.

Some kind souls are truly out there to meet new and exciting people, such as moi, others are only soliciting business, some overtly, others more sneaky. If you have met as many people as I have, and are slightly cynical, which I have unfortunately become, it usually does not take long to ascertain their true motives.

One aspiring social climber, with no career, no education, and little to talk about except her children, and how totally ‘AMAZING” they are, has been slowly bouncing from one charity organization to the other to try and meet new people she deems to be socially ‘acceptable’. Other than being nice to look at, she is so boring you want to cry, and clearly, as her looks do absolutely nothing for moi, I am thrilled to report that I did not make the grade!!! Not wanting to be cornered to hear about her children was probably the clincher!!

Then there is the incredibly rude, pushy woman who grew up in the east end of the city from a working class family. Some of her school contemporaries speak of not being allowed into their living room at all, the the plastic wrap covering the sofa’s in case someone ‘important’ should come to visit.
She got an excellent education, promptly married an up and comer in the firm where she went to work, and quickly retired to have children and social climb. She acquired a nice address, but not the best, and with his money she now considers herself the arbiter of who is ‘in’ in social Montreal. What she does not understand is that wearing a ball gown and attending balls to be seen does NOT a nice person make. Class and manners still count, and she has neither. Her very aggressive social climbing really took off about 10 years ago, to the extent that she now has, WAIT FOR IT…….a fan club of women she has publicly offended as she deems them to be “ below her” . To her friends are simply ‘stepping stones’ which are quickly acquired and discarded once their usefulness has expired.
NOTE to SELF……..PEOPLE DO KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING!!!!

Another woman I met who owns a PR Firm and has a reputation of being a nightmare to work for, calls people she has met, and invites them for lunch., to see if they have the social clout to be her ‘friend’, translation, ‘who can you introduce me to’ !??! Unfortunately, this resulted in a lunch where, surprise, surprise, we split the bill for lunch, it was NOT an invitation as previously indicated, and it came to a fairly rapid end when I told her I would not share my contacts with her on Linkedin or any where else. In polite company, inviting someone to lunch implies that YOU are going to pay, and NOT split the bill…..If you haven’t gathered from my commentary, it was NOT a particularly fun experience.

Another quasi-socialite, who proclaims loudly about how she wishes to ‘age gracefully’ is by far one of the most ungracious women I have met. She is an absolute embarrassment to be seen with in a restaurant.
Several years ago we ran into one another in London, and she mentioned that she would love to go out for a meal, we discussed restaurants and she mentioned one that I frequent, and the fact she had never been able to get into it. I offered to make arrangements to go the following evening as I know the owners and have been a regular there for years. So, we met there, and placed our orders. As always it was lovely, and I ran into several people I know, much to her surprise. Not being a name dropper, there are many people who have absolutely no idea where I have been, who I know……
We had a pleasant evening until the bill arrived. Then the tone of the evening changed drastically. She is SUCH an embarrassment I wanted to crawl under the table. She examined the cheque and studied each entry to ensure that she did not pay for anything that she did not consume, arguing about her alcohol consumption, then counting out her contribution, practically down to the penny, and leaving the equivalent of pennies towards the tip. THIS RESTAURANT WAS CONSIDERED THE PLACE TO BE ‘SEEN” in London for over 30 years and she was unable to get in until she came with me. Did she offer to pay for dinner? To pay the tip?? ABSOLUTELY NOT. So, needless to say, guess who found herself leaving the entire tip, which was 20% of the total, and NO, this is not a restaurant where one skimps on gratuities…….The taxi ride home was equally unpleasant, she asked to be let off first, and contributed 2 pounds to the ride, guess who got to pay the balance………and it certainly was NOT 2 pounds!!

Once before in Montreal we had been to dinner and as she has no vehicle, I found myself being the chauffeur, no, let me rephrase that, the driver, because the chauffeur is at least paid. SO, my gas, as it was MY car, I got to pay for parking, and she was delivered door to door. The unpleasantness with the cheque was the same, the only difference is the amounts were significantly lower.

Naively I thought this was a one time event, but as I learned in London, this woman is anything but gracious, and certainly not a friend. Did I mention she lives in a MILLION DOLLAR condo on Sherbrooke Street???!!!

We all meet people and become friends with them, sometimes we are extraordinarily lucky and they stay for a lifetime, I am extremely fortunate, and certainly have my share of those, they are scattered to every corner of the world, come in all shapes and colours, the sign of a true friendship is when you speak to someone you haven’t seen for a year and the conversation and comfort level continue as if you were with them an hour earlier. If it is painful, then it is probably a sign the friendship is over.

Friendship is not a business relationship. Friendship is not taking advantage of the kindness of others. Friendship is not being a cruel gossip in the back of someone.
Friendship is a mutually beneficial relationship between 2 people which, at times can be unbalanced, but over the years in a true friendship it balances out, and there is an implicit understanding that each party is there for the other during good and hard times. To be comforting when they are depressed or sick, to offer a shoulder to cry on, to give them a hug when they are sad, to come and bring them a small thoughtful gift when they need cheering up, not to be critical or judgemental.

To be UNSELFISH.

TO SHARE.

TO LOVE.

Anything else is a business arrangement.

the 2016 Presidential Election ……err… sort of…

This election has, on every front, been the most degrading, disgusting exhibit of lying and arrogance ever.

 

hillary-clinton-vs-donald-trump-cartoon-joe-heller-fb

The complete and utter disrespect shown between the candidates and their representatives on an international scale shows a contempt and disregard both to each other, and regrettably the American public, never before seen with such a worldwide audience.
Not only have their handlers NOT put a stop to this highly embarrassing and debasing behaviour, but they virtually compliment it. We have heard allegations of fraud, murder, tax evasion, sexual assault, sexual misconduct, chauvinism  daily, as well as a never ending barrage of inappropriate language. The only possible upside to this is that certain talk show hosts find their shows nearly written for them by the candidates and their representatives……..at least they add some levity to the situation.
But the extremely serious side of this discussion is that fundamental civility has gone out the window, what we see in its place is an outrageous display of:
  • Lying
  • Abuse of Power
  • Sense of Entitlement
  • No Dignity
  • No Ethics or Decency
  • No Civility
hillary-trump-debate-thumb-tpi-123
And above all, absolutely NO display of manners or class whatsoever.
Does this display, shown on an international scale, demonstrate what we can expect from the General Public, Business Executives and Senior Politicians??  That somehow it has become permissible to behave in this disgraceful and embarrassing fashion??   Has it become the norm to insult and berate others publicly with no fear of reprisal??
The basis of Civil Society is CIVILITY.  When this is lost, we can expect an exponential increase in Fraud, crime, and an increasing lack of physical security, due to the incredible sense of entitlement these individuals show.
Has becoming a public bully somehow become socially acceptable?
Manners and Class have always won out in the end, but they are taking a serious beating in this very public debacle.

MUCH too cool for moi!!

This seems to be a recurring theme. It is rude, frustrating and incredibly arrogant.

Once again, I tried to reach a friend by telephone. He recently joined a growing internet company. When I got nowhere with his mobile, it has been acting up a lot lately, I rang up his wife who suggested that I text him, and ensured me the number is still good. He has been having a lot of problems with the phone for a while. No, she did not have a new office number for him.

Not being overly patient, and preferring to actually speak with people, I figured, why not just call him directly at his new job. Logical thought. …!!??? Apparently NOT.

After spending 10 minutes ‘googling’ his new employer in Montreal, and finding no phone number whatsoever, I found one in Toronto and reached a chirpy, up-talking receptionist who proudly announced that no one in the company has a phone or phone number, and that one is required to either contact people on their personal mobile phones, and NO, they do not give the numbers out, or but everyone can be reached by email. Well that is all well and good, but I have no idea how you are supposed to acquire this information other than calling. I inquired as to his email, and was pleasantly given the information.

My question, is how is one to do business with a company with no phone number, and mysterious email addresses?? According to their website, one sends a request which is handled by a call center in INDIA, and with any luck someone will actually get back to you. Maybe not.
Certainly not the way I wish to do business. Being terribly old fashioned, and actually WANTING to speak to people, this is not for moi.

Having said that, OUR Company has NO website, absolutely NO Digital presence, and ours is a clear message. Due to the nature of our business, which is HIGH END IT Consulting and Search, we do NOT welcome unsolicited resumes. We work exclusively on a word of mouth basis, and are not interested in being inundated with useless resumes. Somehow some seem to get through, but they are not welcome.
As we are ALL industry practitioners with extensive experience, usually someone can find us within 2 phone calls. OUR clients are provided with numerous phone numbers as well as email, and are actually welcomed to call us after hours, at THEIR convenience.

I am mystified at how a relatively new company selling products can hide behind a website and call center in India, making it virtually impossible to identify or contact a human being. So if you are having problems, it goes to say that you will be totally ignored. Call India and hope that the recipient of the call actually understands what you have said and takes an action. If you have been paying your bills online as well, good luck.

Interestingly, I have several clients seeking service providers of this nature. They recognize the changing business landscape, and understand that by having an on-line presence, one has a global reach to sell their products. However, the other side of this equation, is that in a number of cases, these are individuals who are older, well established businesses, who actually expect the service provider to come and see them to discuss their needs. They will NOT do business with a company which does not understand this business model.

It is fine to try and be the ‘cool’ kid on the block, and reach out to millennials, however, there are an enormous number of successful business owners in their 50’s and 60’s who wish to be treated with respect, and be able to interact with actual humans, so these ‘funky, cool’ companies will NOT see their business, and it is HUGE.
These are the same baby boomers who are currently inheriting TRILLIONS of dollars from their families, and in many cases, looking to upgrade their homes and businesses.

If one is purchasing a generic item on line, and one can seek the same article from numerous suppliers, and price shopping is fine, but entering into a long term service oriented business agreement where it is virtually impossible to either identify or reach a real person is short sighted, and frighteningly arrogant.

They are mission out on BILLIONS. SO NOT COOL after all.

On Being Angry

Everyone is allowed a momentary fit of anger, in fact it is healthy, hopefully for a good reason, and over quickly, to be handled with a sense of humour, and the ability to make fun of oneself, as well as the ability to apologize to anyone in the cross hairs.

Unfortunately some people are perpetually angry, at themselves, at those around them, and at the world at large for some perceived injustice, however big or small. The anger can start small, over something inconsequential, but over time it has a quiet boil in the background until, for some magical reason the individual erupts, and watch out!!
We see it more and more today, life is hard, and it is a very aggressive world out there.
People pushing and shoving on sidewalks to occupy ‘their’ space, on buses, pushing and shoving their way down the aisle, with no consideration whatsoever to those in their way, people angry because they perceive someone didn’t look at them with respect, whatever that is supposed to be, people fighting over clothing or appliances at sales, or even worse, lipstick.
We see YOUTUBE videos of fights in shops escalating to violence over nothing but a glance, fights over merchandise, fights over parking spots.
Youths walking down a street randomly beating someone to death over an iPhone, or just because they decided they do not like the look of them.

Some blame it on the violence we see on TV, personally I do not see any co-relation whatsoever. As a Tomboy, my preferences have always been guns (toy), fast cars, fast airplanes, helicopters, martial arts and films with gratuitous violence and lots of spectacular explosions. My absolute favourites are usually some ex-military who are now CIA or MI5 with great plots. Does that mean I am violent?? Hardly. It is pure escapism, the adrenaline rush, the great plot to decipher, great action, great acting, and special effects.
Some of the people I have met who eschew violence and are holier than thou, are the most dishonest and unpleasant around.

For me, there is nothing like a fabulous explosion on TV which lifts me out of my seat!!

Anger shows its ugly face more and more, people use the excuse of religion, job stress, illness, financial difficulties, and have no problem sharing their anger.But why does it become the problem of those around you?? If you are having a bad day, why take it out on some unsuspecting stranger?? We all have our own problems, sometimes much more profound, but have been brought up to keep it to ourselves.

I am often horrified to hear of incidents in shops over sale merchandise. There is always another TV, another lipstick, another day. Why humiliate yourself over a thing??
Shopkeepers deal with excessive theft these days, incredibly rude condescending clients, but now they are dealing with anger, rearing its ugly face and turning into violence. Fist fights over a new lipstick colour?? Seriously?? And this from so called ‘Society Women”” how totally embarrassing.

A client I visited recently gave me a tour of their executive offices which are quite beautiful. He is in charge of all their on-line marketing, and his department is growing exponentially. He now has his own area with the newest technology, as well as his own photography studios. We had a lovely time, and he enjoyed my knowledge of the issues at hand.
At one point he mentioned they offer discounts of 50% to their employees, and offered me the opportunity to make a purchase, which I politely declined, he was surprised. I explained. He smiled, then giggled, and told me that once a year they have a VIP, by invitation only, sale day, where merchandise is offered at 75% off. I declined to be included in that as well, again with an explanation. He was surprisingly pleased with my refusal, so I inquired as to why. It appeared to be a strange response. His answer was that he respected the fact I wasn’t interested in doing business with him for discounts, and that unfortunately mob scenes and fights erupt regularly at these events, and my lack of interest said a lot about me. He respects me more.
We both had a good laugh, but wait……..how sick is that?? People are invited to a VIP, one day sale and behave like savages over discounted merchandise?!??

I mentioned that I prefer shopping early in the day when the shops are empty, and paying the price rather than reducing myself to some depraved lunatic who can only think of the ‘DEAL”.
No thanks. There is nothing I need that badly, and the day I do, is the day I cease shopping……

We shook hands, and he is referring me to another executive within the Company. I thanked him for a wonderful visit. He thanked me for being refreshing.

People need to consider others and not only themselves. The sale, the parking spot, the glance, the mis-placed anger and violence are disgraceful.
The consequences can be deadly.

Frightening.

Very Busy Important Man

Well, I am thrilled that I never promised no to write on this subject again, because the stories from friends, acquaintances and my own personal experiences make it difficult to hold my pen back, sometimes it simply can’t help itself, and here it is again, 1:30 in the morning on January 4, 2016, and my pen is racing across a sheet of paper with a mind of its own!!

In my business and personal life, I meet and have met an extraordinary cross section of people, judges, lawyers, doctors, people with titles, politicians, business executives, entrepreneurs, artists, and just about everything in between.
Most of the people I work with are highly educated, highly intelligent, and well travelled. Some have extraordinary life stories to share. So why is it, we all keep running into self important losers, or better, posers, who are loud, vulgar, self promoting and constantly reminding us that they are ‘very busy important people’ ???!!!

Last month someone finally called me back after my having left 3 messages over the course of the month. After 3 messages I usually deem the person rude and do not bother to call them again. He apologized, but then ruined the moment by telling me he is a ‘busy man’

STRIKE 1.

He then took the time to speak with me, and promised me a resume within a week. That was 2 weeks ago. Still haven’t heard a word from him.

STRIKE 2.

Once again, the salary he is currently earning is $80,000 below the position for which I am seeking someone. This is a role over $200,000, and highly visible. It is a life changer for the right person.
Guess what?? We are done. I am no longer interested in him. Clearly his career is not his primary concern, so he is no longer mine.

STRIKE 3.
There is an ART Gallery owner I have known for years who appears to think she has reached the pinnacle, and no longer has to return phone calls.
After leaving 5 messages on her mobile phone, 3 emails, and a visit to the Gallery for a vernissage, at which she was to have attended, and did not, yup, her OWN gallery, she never showed up for an opening……..full of guests and the artist……..yikes!!

I am still waiting for her to return my call, well, not really. The irony, is that I was bringing her a new fabulous artist to review for her gallery. He is well known, and has sold to a great many prominent Quebecers, and would be a major catch for her gallery. He is also super connected.
But she is TOO BUSY. Too important.
She never even looked at the portfolio.

Incroyable!!!

Over the holidays this same person posted on FACEBOOK that she had been really busy and that people should not expect her to return their calls, yet she posted endless photos of herself out partying.
Really?!!

How can anyone run a successful business and PUBLICLY announce that they are too busy to return anyone’s phone calls??!!
If there was a serious illness in the family it would be understandable, and an apology with an explanation would have been the correct thing to do, but there was no illness, just an arrogant woman out partying, and posting pictures of herself doing so.

So, if someone was ringing up to make a huge purchase?? Too bad, so sad. She was too busy to call them back??

Utter insanity.

You simply can’t make this up. It is the absolute height of bad manners.
How is it the busiest, most successful people answer their OWN phones, get things done, and the low level totally insignificant ones need this rhetoric??

This morning, January 4, 2016, I received an email from a CIO referring me to someone in his firm, a call from a friend who is a Judge wanting to wish me a Happy New Year in person, and a Senior Sales Executive, all 15 minutes apart.
They are all seriously busy. All of them took the time.

All of them really are ‘busy important people’ but with manners. What an old fashioned and oft forgotten concept, but certainly appreciated.

I shared the anecdote about the Gallery owner with the Senior Sales Executive, we have known each other for an incredibly long time, I thought he was going to cry he was laughing so hard in utter disbelief. He thanked me for the laugh, and said he hadn’t heard something so incredibly ludicrous for a while. Nothing like good old fashioned laughter to start the day!!!

So, a big THANK YOU to all of those who provide me with the inspiration for these BLOGS. You are obviously too arrogant to be aware, but you certainly keep us all entertained.

And to the rest of the readers out there, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Being a USER

Friendship and all relationships are about balance, there are periods in time when the pendulum swings towards one or the other, as life plays nasty games on us all, we go through periods when life is wonderful, and others when life is truly awful, and how we deal with the bad times is what defines us.

Some people are incredible at making others feel like they are owed everything, others of us quietly slink into a quiet corner to lick our wounds and reappear when life improves. We take care of ourselves, and do not make our particular problems those of everyone around us.

We have all met them, they are charming, they make you feel like part of an exclusive group, welcome. It starts with a small favour, and over time the request for favours escalates until the relationship is totally one sided. If you don’t deliver on the latest request, they throw a temper tantrum which is embarrassing and extremely public, and if the request is not granted after an explanation is requested, you are eliminated from their fabulous lives. Fabulous through your generosity!!

The world has become a cruel place. With social media we are bombarded with pictures of the ‘in crowd’ and their fabulously lavish lifestyles. We see endless pictures of their homes, vacation homes, vacations, cars, jewellery, clothes, and private planes, the ridiculous numbers of Facebook ‘friends’ , Twitter followers, Instagram and whatever else is the social media of the moment. I know several individuals who have thousands of Facebook ‘friends’ but they do not even know 10 % of the people. They portray this incredibly cool image of success and more importantly fun and popularity, so others flock to be in their presence, and there it all begins, little favours asked with a sweet sideways glance and a slight touch, which subsequently escalates to utter insanity. At what point does one become tired of the endless requests for SOMETHING, and there is ALWAYS a request for something. Be it names and contact information for an event, the person who is pleading for this information now has YOUR contact list, and over time the provider of this information becomes irrelevant, as the ‘user’ moves on to fresh prey with a new address book.
I know of several people who have been absolutely drained of their contact lists and subsequently dumped when there is nothing left to gain.
From Political fundraisers, Charity fundraisers, artists hosting events, someone is always demanding more. Nothing is ever enough, ever.

Friendship has to be balanced, as do all relationships. There HAS to be something to be gained for all parties. One person can not always be making requests and expect them to be granted. Some of these USERS are extraordinarily adept at networking and portraying a public face of kindness and generosity, which the givers never quite seem to receive as the USER works their way through the never ending source of the generosity and kindness of others. But wait!! Over time they become less relevant and less in demand. There is always someone new and more exciting standing in the shadows waiting to appear on the horizon, and slowly the USER is left behind. The unfortunate giver is relinquished and left in the shadows……….