Category Archives: Consideration

On Cruelty

We live in strange times, this has been said repeatedly over the centuries, unfortunately we appear to have reached the apex in disgraceful behaviour.

Gone are the days of civility, or any soupcon of decency, just pure unadulterated arrogance and utter cruelty. The concepts of consideration and good manners are treated with contempt. Those who are mind-numbingly rude and pushy, and constantly bragging about themselves are treated with awe, they must be truly AMAZING to be able to behave like that.

When bad manners are given nomenclatures such as ‘ghosting’ you know there is a serious problem in society.
Total strangers post cruel cutting comments on Facebook, insulting those opinions which vary from their own.
Bullying both on line and in person have reached absolutely catastrophic levels, as has the levels of youth suicide.

People decide to humiliate and insult others thinking they are somehow the ‘cool kids’ regardless of the pain they may cause others, but worse, they actually brag about it. The sad thing, is they usually know absolutely NOTHING about the person they are humiliating.

Clearly I grew up in a gentler more civil environment. Good manners and respect for others being forefront in one’s comportment.

Making a large number of friends within the Asian Community brought a further understanding of such concepts as ‘Honour’ and ‘Face’, simply and extension of previous learnings.

On Friday I was in a grocery store in the north end of the city, and asked a gentleman for assistance. He turned to look at me, and I saw his face was severely disfigured, probably from fire. He was extraordinarily shy. He explained he would have to go into the basement of the store to find my mushrooms, and it could take 5 minutes, and I assured him I would not move from my current spot. Several minutes later he emerged with an enormous box of fresh Portobello mushrooms, newly wrapped and boxed. I thanked him and wished him a wonderful New Year. He grasped my hand and wished me the same, with a huge smile on his face, and clearly wanting to continue speaking with me, so I chatted with him for a couple of minutes, then paid and left. It was only while I was driving away that I realized I was probably the only person who had treated him with dignity.

People cut each other off on the road in dangerous conditions for no apparent reason than being utterly inconsiderate of the lives and safety of others. They cut into lines, treat servers in stores and restaurants like trash – no wonder it is so difficult to be served politely – when people feel a sense of entitlement and rage at everyone within earshot for no apparent reason.

The arrogance, self-aggrandising and just plain nastiness abounds, and it is inflicted upon anyone close by who have absolutely NO IDEA why they are being targeted. Unfortunately this creates an angry society, where it becomes ‘ every man for himself ‘ . Gestures of generosity must be public not private as well, with the appropriate ‘look at me, I am generous and giving back’ whatever that is supposed to mean, as all they ever do is take.
The number of people they destroy along the way is inconsequential. Ironically, some of those so-called generous people are not giving of their own wealth, but that of others. There are numerous events where the so-called organizers and fame seekers are actually earning as much as 15% of the money they raise, then seeking public acknowledgement of their generosity.
Unknowingly, all the volunteers work for free, pay for their own tickets to the events, and are contributing to the pockets and fame of the person who is gaining the most.

I can not comprehend the level of cruelty that some individuals are bestowing upon others, and the fact that it somehow gives them some sense of power. If the person they have harmed is a total stranger, I fail to understand how they can bask in all this perceived sense of power, when all they did is offend and damage a total stranger for no apparent reason.

Perhaps the concept of humility is missing from their DNA.
How many suicides will it take for parents to discipline their children against bullying?? It is currently at crisis level… Men are teaching their sons to be ‘MEN’ and women are teaching their daughters to be ‘LEADERS’, however this sense of entitlement is being translated into cruelty, as they are not teaching the concept of decency and consideration of others.

Teachers are allowing students to call them by their first names, further eroding their position of authority, so how can they teach them respect for others??

Clerks in shops are being allowed to treat customers with utter disrespect because no one is monitoring their bad behaviour.

We need to go back to basics and teach respect, manners and consideration of others.

Living one’s life with decency and dignity is..

NOT shaming others
NOT being cruel
NOT being a liar
NOT taking amusement from the pain and suffering of others
NOT speaking down or shouting down of others when they voice an opinion
NOT interrupting others

Look around you, how many people do you actually know who are living by these rules??

Do you consider them weak or polite??

Think hard about the answer……..it says a lot about who you are………

Happy New Year!!

Life is a constant game of checks and balances, as well as perceptions, which vary depending on our life experience.

This BLOG is a RANT, and as such can be perceived by some as negative, feeding back into the endless debate over whether the glass is half full or half empty.

I have suggested to those who are offended, mostly because they see themselves in my comments, that they are welcome to abstain from reading it, as THEIR negativity is not welcome.

There are many followers however who view it as a sanity check – their own – in a world gone mad.

In my daily life I speak to and meet an extraordinary cross section of the population, every colour, shape, size and walk of life. From Billionaires to shop clerks and everything in between. In business I meet extremely well educated individuals from every corner of the globe, and in doing so, I find myself in every corner of the city as well meeting with people, so it is NOT the view from an armchair, but of living life.
You might try it sometime.

If there is one thing that I have learned, it is that EVERYONE has something to share.

From the Doorman who speaks 5 languages fluently, is dressed in designer clothes straight from the pages of GQ, is worth millions, and holidays in St Bart’s and Japan.
The coffee stall owner in a London Street Market who is now worth millions, but arrived penniless.
The Philippino Engineer whose father risked his life so his children could come to Canada for an education and a better life.

The list is endless. The difference is that I actually SPEAK with people, hear their stories, look into their hearts and their eyes.

Try meeting some of them, they are all extraordinary in their own way.

Happy New Year!!

Christmas Returns

The mad panic to shop for Christmas is now over, now come the Boxing Day Sales and the millions of returns.

Shop-keepers are ‘braced’ for the annual onslaught, having hired extra staff and security guards.

WHY???

I simply do NOT understand how hard it is to actually purchase appropriate gifts for Christmas or anything else. If people paid even a modicum of attention to the likes and dislikes of their family and friends, this would become a thing of the past. The only true excuse for a return is the wrong size or colour. But then again, why on earth would you buy a RED sweater for someone who absolutely DESPISES red??   Wool for someone with allergies who only wears cashmere, …chocolates with nuts for someone with a NUT allergy……..

From the time I was a child, people have given me totally inappropriate and unwanted gifts and expected me to not only say ‘Thank You” but also actually mean it.

I guess the look on my face was a dead giveaway!!!  I will never be a poker player!!… particularly when you are holding a DOLL in your hands which you are about to go outside to smash into smithereens.

You bought me a DOLL!?!?!

REALLY???

You bought me a frilly DRESS?!??!

You MUST be joking…..

You bought me a RED WOOL Sweater??

Great………I hate RED, and am violently allergic to wool.

You gave me chocolates with NUTS???

Seriously??!!??

How HARD is it to actually listen?? Is the gift about the recipient of the ego of the donor?? At times, it is unclear.

I know that I am not the only one who feels this way, otherwise the shops would not have to hire extra staff, security guards, and impose rules about returns.

If you actually CARE about someone, try LISTENING to them. Pay attention to their likes and dislikes.

Please do NOT be condescending and use the old tired adage, “ it is the thought that counts” as it is truly offensive. If there was actually any thought, the gift would not be in process of being returned.

Several of my friends have told me over the years that I am the ONLY one who ever gives them gifts they actually want and enjoy, and, guess what, they end up returning nearly ALL the gifts they receive from everyone else.

Years ago, I was the President of a professional organization where we hosted high caliber speakers on a monthly basis for our luncheons and conferences. I took the time to ring up either the wife or secretary of all our speakers and actually ASKED what they would enjoy within a certain price point. Apparently I was the only one to ever do that. The CIO of a large railway who was an extraordinary speaker became a regular fixture at our events. His wife kept a list for me of items he wanted for his sailboat, and he was absolutely thrilled. One day while visiting his office, he opened several huge drawers in his secretary’s filing cabinet and showed me box after box of cheap pen sets, framed lithographs, and cheap oil paintings as well as other utter nonsense he had been given, non of which was of interest. It would be checked for nametags and given to charity.

Thousands and thousands of dollars of unwanted gifts, because NO ONE actually thought to inquire as to what he might actually like.

Just how many cheap pen sets do you think he wanted?? How totally unoriginal.

As CIO of a large corporation, if there was one thing he did NOT need, it was cheap pens.

He is but one of several executives who told me the same thing. One other senior executive would place everything on a couple of desks and invite the staff to help themselves. He kept nothing. There was never anything remotely of interest.

For myself, I have NEVER played with dolls, continue to absolutely HATE dresses, as well as the colour red.

So, as you stand in line totally frustrated by the time you are wasting with your returns, try spending the same amount of time to contemplate gifts that will please the recipient in the future.

It is really NOT that hard, and is certainly appreciated.

And maybe, just maybe sometime in the future, returns will be a thing of the past.

Things are never quite as they seem

Everyone has an opinion, and as a young woman, I unfortunately had to endure listening endlessly to people’s comments on how I should live my life.

I should be a Lady, I should marry a rich man and have children, I shouldn’t be aggressive, I shouldn’t start a business, I shouldn’t travel on my own, I shouldn’t buy a car, essentially, I should do what I am told like a good little mindless girl.

Well, sorry to disappoint, but I never listened to any of you, and quietly went about living an extraordinary life.
While all the self professed ‘experts’ went about living their boring lives, I am thrilled to say I did the exact opposite.

A small handful of people actually know what I have done and where I have been, but the number is very few. The rest gossip viciously behind my back knowing absolutely nothing about me.

Yes, I know what you say.
Yes, I know who you are.

Most people do, we are not as ignorant as the haters think we are.

Like many of the people I meet in business and around the world, I am the epitome of the wrong first impression.
There are numerous blogs on this subject.

Wondering where this is going??!!!??

Over the last few days I have been going over years of files of ‘Competitive Analysis” , information garnered and collected over many years.
I am a serious information junkie.

When I started my Company as a young woman, I was the only one in the city to have a High End IT Consulting Firm, and oh, the insults. There were so few women in the industry, and most of those who were, essentially were data entry clerks.

I was not only technical, but visionary, and bilingual.

Looking at the application of technology to solve business problems, and actually doing it.

Fast forward, little has changed.

In going through years and years of Corporate files, something absolutely terrifying emerged. The ‘Little Girl” who should have been home having children, survived literally thousands of companies which no longer exist. Some of them enormous multinationals. Think about some of them, Northern Telecom, Montreal Trust, Netscape, Systemhouse, Consolidated Bathurst, Celanese, DMR, LGS, Digital Equipment, Tandem, the list is endless.

So, THANK YOU to all of you who doubted me. Your insults and negativity drove me.

And the reason for this blog??!!!

To hopefully encourage someone else to follow their dreams and ignore the naysayers.
Be incredible, be imaginative, be the next Steve Jobs !! Be amazing!

Gimme, Gimme, Gimme….

The ‘GUILT” season is now upon us with a vengeance.
Our doorbell has rung twice today with people asking for money for some fake charity.

Just over 2 months to Christmas and the onslaught of extended hands is already obscene.

In the space of one week, solicitations for refugees, women’s center’s, the police pension fund, emails, calls, Facebook, in person, at the door, at the cash.
This week yielded close to 20 solicitations, and apparently it is MY OBLIGATION to contribute. Some of the approaches are insultingly condescending, others offensive, the panhandler running after you on the street and screaming insults because you are ‘rich’.

In the past, I worked for more charities than I care to name, and donated to everything from Cancer, Ballet, various Museums, Political Parties, and much, much more.

In stepping back, what strikes me is that no matter how generous you are, it is never enough. And if the endless charities, foundations and institutions didn’t pay themselves such luxurious salaries and perquisites, perhaps we would not be solicited to such an extent, but people are greedy, and enough is never enough.
Unfortunately, problems do not go away. There is always another world crisis, disease, something.

In giving to one, your name is unceremoniously sold to others, without your consent, and you are solicited even more.

But that is not the end of it. …. Now come the solicitations from the so-called friends, and they have also multiplied out of proportion.

Real Estate Agents who send you house listings asking for help, help this person, she is down on her luck, give money for this sick child, give money to send someone’s child on a class trip, give money so I can travel and take photographs for my next book…….WOW….that one was something else…….buy my sheets, photos, books, come to my fundraiser and GIVE, GIVE, GIVE….

The number of panhandlers has multiplied exponentially as there is no legislation to control them, and some of them are truly frightening, coming up to the window of your car when you are stuck in between cars at a red light and pounding on the window….no where to go…..

Grocery stores and other retailers are also soliciting endlessly, for this crisis, school project, school trip, uniforms for the sports team, scouts, cadets, always someone grabbing your groceries to pack them, ALWAYS BADLY, and expecting a donation.
BTW, eggs or bananas do NOT go on the bottom of the bag……and then there is the nagging offer to add a contribution to this week’s charity on your grocery bill directly.

STOP!!!

NO, I am NOT grumpy, I am OFFENDED beyond belief.

If it is just over 2 months to Christmas, and I have been solicited 20, yes, 20, twenty, times this week, it is just the beginning. So , NO MORE, the answer is NO.

I will decide if and when and to whom, should I wish to donate.

The more I am solicited and insulted, the less likely I will every give to anyone. It is NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY.

If you felt it was only you being harassed, think again. It has become ugly.

Ahhhh, that feels wonderful!!

I feel more relaxed already….!!!

Civility and Dignity, rapidly disappearing…..

There is an escalating breakdown in civility and the treatment of others with dignity.

Everyone is in such a hurry to show the world just how UNIMPORTANT they are, no, NOT a typo, extraordinarily bad manners really show the extraordinarily bad manners exhibited by certain people.

In meetings and speaking with a myriad of people from all walks of life, certain disturbing trends in bad behaviour increasingly come to the forefront of conversation.

One actually wonders if there are any corporations monitoring the day to day behaviour of their employees? I am not speaking of call centers where all calls are recorded, but of daily interactions. Methinks not.

From shops with surly cashiers not only refusing to speak to clients in their own language, but actually INSULTING them to their face, assuming (perfect usage of the word!!) they do not understand, to restaurant employees being so discourteous as to actually laugh in the face of their customers, also, assuming they do not understand….in this case, a Chinese restaurant, with the waiters speaking Cantonese, and forgetting the white Gweilo female customer just spoke to them in Cantonese, or the fact that the other white female is the one who invited a group into the same restaurant ……remember ?? she is the one who will decide the tip!!

The bad behaviour in this restaurant towards white clients has escalated to a point where the waiters often laugh at the clients in their face, and laugh at them using chopsticks.
Have they forgotten these white clients tip double what Chinese clients do??? To be insulted???!!!!!

Have they forgotten just how quickly word gets around these days?? In the blink of an eye in the digital world, everything can change.

Representing companies today in any type of marketing role has become an invitation to be insulted.
Ring up certain individuals today, complete with proper introduction, and be screamed at, and have them hang up on you.

Or, after a polite call, complete with referral, have the individual …get this….aspiring to an open VP position within his company, call back, speak for a couple of minutes, give the name and phone number of his secretary to set up a meeting.
Call the secretary, book the meeting, send a follow up note to the aspiring VP and an Invitation to the meeting as requested.

Turn up for the meeting, after spending 2 hours in traffic crossing the entire city, wait over 40 minutes, only to have an arrogant secretary come down to say that the aspiring VP never heard of the individual, never spoke to them, and is a VERY BUSY IMPORTANT MAN!!

But wait a minute!! He GAVE THE NAME AND PHONE NUMBER OF HIS SECRETARY TO SET UP THE MEETING!!!

Call back to set up a new meeting, no apology from anyone, be told by the arrogant secretary that the aspiring VP has no recollection, and mention AGAIN that he was the one who provided her contact information.

As per the request of the secretary, send off digital proof of the phone calls, emails and invitation only to receive a rude email that the aspiring VP is not looking for any new suppliers. SO why book the meeting in the first place???

SO, he made someone lose an entire day in traffic, lost revenue, cost of travel, and instead of being gracious and APOLOGIZING, slams the door in their face. HUH???

I ask you, what does that say??……..in my mind, he is probably dirty, or just so arrogant he does not think anyone will hear about it……guess what??!! …They already have, and once this BLOG goes live, others may wonder…..

Or, help a senior individual who has been unemployed for months, with his terrible resume, only to have him send it all over on his own, and never return the new finished product. Well, the Executive Position for which he was interviewed is now totally beyond his reach, as his dishonesty ensured that we will not represent him. To answer your question, the position pays more than he has ever earned. He will NEVER know who the client is, and he is STILL unemployed….ah….shucks!!!

Or, another cutie, a certain individual sent their CV for a position in Sherbrooke, but lives in Montreal.
They were invited to come for an interview for a certain position.
Drove to Sherbrooke, 2 hours, lost a day’s work, were interviewed for a totally different position, shown the door with NO thank you for coming to see us, NOTHING.
Then the poor interviewee gets to drive back to Montreal in heavy traffic, another 2 hours lost, gas and car expenses.
No follow up on behalf of the rude company. Please someone, explain to me what that was all about?? Even if you did not like the person, can you not at least say THANK YOU for coming and losing your day???

Is this the new normal??

What happened to honesty, decency and civility??…what happened to treating people the way YOU wish to be treated……..
What happened to all this so called AUTHENTICITY??

Speaking to someone managing a retail store and hearing the horrors of what occurs in the dressing rooms is enough to make you lose your lunch.

What I find so extraordinary, is that ALL these offenders are simply EMPLOYEES, and can be fired at the pleasure of their employer. They are so arrogant, so contemptuous, so inconsiderate, one questions where this comes from.

It is time that corporations pay more attention to the behaviour WITHIN their walls, instead of blaming the changing business landscape. Bank cashiers, store cashiers, wait staff in restaurants, receptionists in Companies, lower level managers, all seem to think they are somehow allowed to behave in a rude, insulting fashion.
They all seem to forget that they do NOT OWN the companies.
The little fellow in the T shirt and sneakers may be a billionaire.
The Blond woman in jeans could be a company President.
Appearances today are EXTREMELY deceptive.

Been to Sears lately?? No need to wonder why they are going out of business. RUDE. RUDE. RUDE.

Bye …bye!!!

In Palm Beach Florida, on more than one occasion, someone has received absolutely awful treatment by someone in a shop or restaurant, and has turned around and purchased the business simply to have the pleasure of FIRING the people who were rude.

Today appearances ARE deceptive. My clients certainly are a great example of that.
The young man with a man bun, unshaven, in sneakers and jeans has a Master’s Degree, owns his own airplane, and is earning in excess of $300 US per year.
Totally shy, very sweet, and unassuming.

More than ever, the louder, flashier, and more outspoken the individual, the more likely they are broke.

Can you really afford to allow your staff to treat your suppliers and clients like trash?? In an increasingly competitive world where information travels in nanoseconds??

Open your eyes folks!!!

“Like me on Facebook”..

Join my network on Linkedin, follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat……

Social media has become the new personal ad agency for millions. They no longer use social media to stay in touch with distant or lost friends, but now it has become an exercise in absolute hype, with certain people adding everyone they meet, and everywhere they go, and everything they hear about to make themselves appear more ‘hip’ and popular.

We hear more and more about “ Click Agencies” where you pay a fee to have incremental ‘clicks’ or ‘likes’ in order to appear more popular or even more fabulous, and some are paying even more to be selected to go to the top of Google Searches through Google Analytics.

For some individuals, life has become nothing more than an endless stream of shallowness, photos taken trying on fabulous clothes, shoes or handbags in high end shops that are never purchased, which is grotesquely cruel to the shop clerk working on commission, and spending their time on someone who has neither the money nor intention to actually purchase the goods, but simply wasting their time trying to look fabulous for the 15 seconds required to take a selfie and post it on social media.

Photos of cocktails in posh clubs, dinner plates in fabulous restaurants, in doorways of private clubs…all to enhance one’s perceived fabulousness….all fake, all shallow, all over in 15 seconds, but with a photo which lives on forever….

So, are they really trying to impress us or themselves? Certainly, I have asked numerous people about some of their so-called ‘friends’, and have been repeatedly told that they have no idea who the individual is, however as they were asked to be ‘friends’ they added them to increase their public footprint and media presence…….seriously???!!??

I receive an endless stream of invitations to add people on Linkedin due to my International network, when I invariably email those I know personally to advise that I do not participate, it is fascinating to see how few actually reach out to say hello. Most never reply. So it is painfully obvious that they were fishing for my contacts and were caught……..one or two inadvertently admitted it………

There is a dark side to this behaviour, these people have shown their true colours, and I know truly they are, and they will be avoided.

The latest buzzwords are ‘Transparency” and “ Authenticity” ….but the reality is that the large majority of people blasting these concepts around are anything but.

Like most things in life, there has to be a balance, if one is a student of human behaviour, which clearly I am, I tend to monitor trends, behaviour, speech patterns, body language, and actions over words. Invariably people get found out. …

“Thou doest protest too much…..” if someone has to post endlessly about their “ Authenticity” , fabulousness, or brag about their sheer volume of followers, there is something fundamentally wrong…..

Life is to be lived, with real live humans, for more than 15 second installments, and ideally in private….

Do You Know Who I AM ???

The World has changed.

I grew up in a world where the vocabulary was, ‘yes please’, ‘no thank you’, ‘how do you do’, ‘no thank you’, ‘pardon me’.

Today, on this continent, it appears that manners are a sign of weakness.

Since when does society reward the loud, vulgar and obnoxious at the expense of others? It appears that if they are loud and holler out, ‘do you know who I am’?!!!

With the correct swagger and aggression, they are rewarded with the great table in a restaurant, a free cocktail, and lavished with attention from all the servers, while the quiet, polite, unassuming individual is given the dreadful table in Siberia, and is lucky to be served.

Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, never ending selfies often with a ‘fish pout’, vulgar clothing, even more vulgar comportment, and a level of exposure that leaves little to the imagination, and is neither sexy nor elegant. The importance of having one’s face plastered all over the digital world has become de-riguer, and the more followers, or ‘friends’ the better. Now to make things even worse, we have people posting ‘live’ feeds of themselves doing everything from going to the hairdresser to humiliating themselves chasing someone they perceive as important to have themselves in a photo frame with them. SOO embarrassing…….

The Grand Prix was just held in Montreal, and some of the outfits at the events were extraordinary. Frankly, I do not know why some of the women even bothered putting clothes on, they left so little to the imagination……..

Today, behaving like a Lady or a Gentleman with manners can feel socially detrimental. Certain individuals, clearly dragged and not brought up, can actually be rude towards someone who is polite to them. Gone are the days when someone actually says ‘Thank You’ for holding a door.

How many cocktail parties have you gone to where you are speaking with someone and they are looking over your shoulder to see if someone more famous enters the room?

One dreadful woman who is 50, unmarried, with a blackmail child, and desperately seeking a RICH husband to pay her bills actually asks people, OUT LOUD, ‘Who are you?? Are you important?!!! “

Yes, you read it.

Yes, I wrote it.

Yes, she SAYS it.

Even worse, yes, she MEANS it.

In a local restaurant she frequents, she had ignored a friend of mine for years, whenever a friend of hers would speak with him, she would make it clear she did not find him important enough to even look at.

One day, she saw a massive ring on one hand, the piece is  a large vintage ring surrounded by many diamonds, and a spectacular bracelet on his wrist . Her head literally SNAPPED, and she turned around and  headed back to his table and actually, in a public restaurant, asked him out loud if he was rich!!!

Well, as his friend for over 25 years, I can attest to the fact that he is a multimillionaire, but he is also gay and in a long term relationship. He also has an absolutely wicked sense of humour.

He had heard rumours about her, but presumed that it was pure cattiness until he experienced it personally. He quietly told her that he was not rich enough to satisfy her needs, and off she went.

As you can imagine, when I visited him a week later, he was still reeling from the experience, and had me doubled over, laughing so hard I was practically in tears as he recounted the story with much drama inserted!!

Seriously, you can’t make this up!!  It is another case of life being more absurd than fiction!!

But, I digress.

The mere idea that someone could actually say out loud, ‘Do you know who I AM!??”

Or , ‘Are you rich??!!”,   “Are you important??!!” denotes such an extreme lack of class that it boggles the mind.

The real question is, who are they actually trying to convince???

IS THE GLASS HALF FULL??

We have our own histories, realities, perceptions, interpretations and opinions based upon our own life history, optics, and experiences.

Some people, like moi, tend to question, and are, by certain individuals, considered to be cynical, others simply accept whatever is thrown at them as the truth.

Society today, bombarded with the faces and manufactured stories of the rich and famous, clamour to be part of that experience. Life is lived instantaneously through images captured and posted online to make the perpetrator feel somehow more important, connected. Some people, like myself, were brought up NOT to brag, not to ever use the name of another to promote ourselves, are somehow lost in the wind…and forced, unwittingly to do some level of self promotion otherwise we are perceived as weak, or somehow, losers.

Remember when the elegant Society Queens said there were only 3 times in ones’ life that your name should appear in the newspaper?? Birth, Engagement and Death. Period.

Today if your name is not plastered everywhere in social media, you are somehow considered to be ‘out of it’ not ‘with it’ . Unimportant. Passe…..

Women in particular, were brought up to gush positivity, never say anything negative about anyone, and smile. Unfortunately, today, people lie incessantly, and promote themselves ruthlessly. From the Social Pages with the gushing social editor ranting endlessly about all these Fabulous people and their equally fabulous lives and careers, to those who have carefully crafted  public personae, to worse, those who pay a fortune to PR’s to spin their fabulousness, and ensure they are invited to the BEST parties, and photographed …..

One acquaintance brags incessantly about her fabulous life, her international business….to hear her speak one would believe she is earning millions. Reality is a far cry from the rhetoric. She is broke and seriously in debt.

Another scratching social climber  from a poor immigrant family, is nauseatingly sweet to those who she feels will promote her pretend fabulousness, while ruthlessly destroying the reputation of anyone in her path.  Over the last few years I have unfortunately found myself increasingly distancing myself from both the self-promoters and the believers. The believers feel that having the self-promotors in their lives somehow makes them more complete, part of the ‘in crowd’ whatever that is.

They describe these individuals as brilliant, kind, exceptional, whereas others of us can’t get far enough away from them. Watching from a safe distance, however, is an absolutely fascinating experience. From speech patterns, eye movements, body language, being an observer as opposed to a participant is amazing.

There is one particularly pushy individual putting on airs and speaking with a fake English accent, trying to convey his British Upper-Class status. Unfortunately, both his actual behaviour and speech patterns convey the exact opposite.

The vocabulary is wrong, and most importantly, anyone from an important British family would NEVER publicly humiliate someone else ……it is simply NOT done. This individual is famous for it. Cross him in any possible way and be screamed down, with absolutely no consideration as to who is watching…..

There are several older socialites who continue to scratch and claw their way up the social ladder, utterly ruthless as to destroying anyone who is not helping them reach whatever heights they are seeking. One publicly exclaimed that she no longer speaks to those not in her social class….Seriously?!??!  she comes from nothing, and by making this statement, it speaks volumes to the fact she has zero class.

Go to London, associate with the powerful and find a totally different reality. They are incredibly polite and speak  to everyone.

I am always fascinated by elderly women still wearing Princess garb to balls at 70 years old. The description of ‘mutton dressed as lamb’ comes immediately to mind, scratching to reach some mysterious place which continues to elude them.

But true civility and elegance are timeless, and anyone watching from afar simply sees them as sad.

Another of my favourites are those who speak with soft kittenish voices, trying to show their current prey how sweet, kind and considerate they are.

In truth, most are pure poison.

From trying to lure a potential  man to the shop-keeper trying to elicit the secrets of those around her, with this fake sweet, ‘do come sit with me and tell me all about it’

But do something to cross these women and experience the most vicious attack ever, and the sweet soft voice immediately becomes loud and vulgar and seriously cruel.

If, in life, something appears too good to be true, then usually it is precisely that. From the investment yielding profit margins that exceed anything on the market, to Real Estate deals……. remember the old jokes about buying swamp land in Florida??

It is increasingly difficult today to know what is real.

From company web pages extolling their incredible success, and international reach, then find out the business is in someone’s basement and the so called successful President with the incredible resume has been fired from every job he has ever had. …but the web page is extraordinary, impressive. If you are a believer you will be taken in, and it will cost you dearly.

A certain politician has now been documented with 440 lies. …this is mind blowing. Many of those who voted for him, still believe in him, and will not be convinced that he lied.

They believe the rhetoric, drank the kool-aid, still do not doubt even though the truth is in front of their eyes.

True believers.

So, one could argue either way, cynic or realist?? Doubter or believer??

Many people do not wish to question, they are safe and content and unthreatened in their ignorance. It is easy. Safe.

How many times does someone need to say they are honest, kind, generous, popular, successful before others blindly embrace this false truth?? That you have been lied to, used, and nothing was real.

Is the glass half empty???

More telephone madness…..

It never abates, just gets worse.  Clearly our company falls into this category, but it is intentional. After having a published phone number and address for ever, and having to tolerate incredibly rude people actually turning up at the door, and in some cases being threatening, others trying to sell a myriad of unwanted products, and far too many looking for jobs, and having been told by ‘Outplacement Firms’ that turning up at someone’s door unannounced is wise, it has been a choice, and in our case, as our Company has operated ‘Word of Mouth’ from the outset, yes, we are difficult to find.

I have been screamed at by SO many rude sales people calling and insisting on speaking with the President, and calling me every possible name imaginable, when I have politely inquired ,
‘how may I help you’ ??
What they ALL missed, was that they WERE speaking with the President, and were RUDE, RUDE, RUDE.
This is not the case of the corporations where I tried to reach people over the last few weeks. They were ALL FORTUNE 500 companies, listed on the stock exchange, and with thousands of employees.
The latest in the list of corporate insanity, is saving money by eliminating a central phone number and receptionist.
Google their head office phone number, and find a 1-800  customer service number, and a customer service email address, along with a diatribe about their ‘preference’ for email.
Are they for real?!!
When I advised a Vice President of one of these companies about it, he emailed me back and announced that he was also unable to find one and would look into it.
Several weeks later, still no published phone number, in 2 cities.
These companies are ostensibly running businesses for profit,
They have shareholders.
They have customers.
They have employees.
They require NEW customers.
Unless I am seriously missing something, if you can’t EVER reach a human being, why on earth would you ever want to do business with them?  And the bigger question , which is actually the point of this BLOG, is just exactly WHAT HAPPENS IN CASE OF EMERGENCY?
Are you supposed to email an anonymous address may only be read by or answered by someone thousands of miles away in an offshore call center??  It could take days or weeks before someone actually responds, and they are clearly not in any position to do anything.
SO, if someone is walking on the street and sees something happening, there is absolutely NO WAY to contact the company about it, other than to run into the lobby and grab a security guard who probably couldn’t care less.
If there is a crisis at someone’s home, and a neighbour tries to call someone at work to notify them, it is impossible.
Clearly in the rush to automate and save money, the concept that humans actually make up a company has been missed.
My favourites include companies with a central phone number with an automated voice telling you to leave your message in general delivery. Attempts to reach an operator result in the call being
terminated.
The other stroke of genius is when one calls a company only to be rudely interrogated by some snippy receptionist who insists on knowing the reason for your call, and why you do not have the person’s personal mobile number. If she is unsatisfied with your response, she will hang up on you.
I asked one incredibly rude woman if she was actually paid to insult people before hanging up on her. She was seriously incredulous she was so rude.
This is a common complaint from people I know in numerous industries.
Is anyone listening??
Does anyone care??