We hear of people of all ages feeling isolated and lonely, yet there are so many on-line dating sites today it is insane, and the latest statistics which have just come out speak of nearly 50% of the adult population living alone.
There are a panoply of new ways to meet people, yet we hear of more suicides than ever, bullying and lonely desperation. So, what has happened?
Some people have thousands of ‘Friends’ on Facebook, and even more contacts on Linkedin, yet they just spent the Christmas holidays alone.
We see people glued to their mobile phones, texting in elevators, walking across the street in busy intersections, texting in restaurants, in meetings, on the bus, while sitting on the toilet, and some are still at it at 3 am.
Everything must be done by email or text, and it must be NOW. But, how do you make lifelong, lasting friendships if your life is spent on-line? If you are with someone and are paying attention to your phone, what does that say about you?
With instant communications, we are bombarded with images of movie stars and models and their fabulous lives. Just think of the ‘Twitter’ feeds of some which are followed by literally millions of eager followers, but this is not real. People have forgotten or have never even learned how to meet and greet other people, in person, and to express interest in what the OTHER person has to say, and what THEY are doing. You have to start by turning the phone OFF.
Life has become a series of images across a screen, lived vicariously, one image at a time. Where many people lack the skills to meet face to face, they are the same ones who don’t return messages on voice-mail, and unless you text them, they won’t answer you.
Some are going so far as to change their phone numbers on a regular basis to avoid actually having live conversations with their ‘Friends’ . How sad is this?
Friendships and relationships are terminated on-line, via Facebook or text, which is downright cowardly, not to mention totally rude and dis-respectful to the other person. How can anyone be so cold as to treat another person like this?!!
Life and friendships are about meeting people, in person, one at a time, and building relationships, whether profound or superficial, but the only way there is a chance is to spend the time with someone, with the phone turned OFF. Pay attention to the person you are with, they may surprise you.
I am always fascinated by those who interrupt others to talk about their fascinating lives and experiences. They need an audience, however the only way to develop enduring relationships with others is to actually LISTEN to what they have to say. I spoke with someone like that this week, well, actually I tried to speak and was interrupted non-stop by the other party. When I put the phone back on the receiver (land-line) , I actually looked at it, and asked the receiver what had just happened. My knowledge of the subject at hand is much more profound and personal than that of the caller, yet 20 minutes later, I hadn’t really been allowed to speak about it at all.
In my previous blog, ‘The Gift of Giving’ I discussed selfishness, which has crossed the boundary into friendships. Friendship, like loving relationships, are about balance, it has to offer something positive to both parties. It can’t lean only one way.
If you want to develop and maintain friendships, contact has to be in both directions, likewise invitations and generosity, regardless of one’s means.
No money for posh restaurants? No problem. Invite people to your home for Mac and Cheese. Throw in a few extra ingredients and make it into an event!!
In our home, we host friends for evenings of wonderful home-made onion soup and live music, not expensive to do, but certainly memorable. It is not about the cost, but about the gesture and the ensuing memories.
Friendship and consideration for others go hand in hand.
SO next time you wonder why you don’t have more real friends calling and inviting you out, ask yourself what behaviour you have exhibited towards others, and whether you would like to be the recipient of such shoddy behaviour. I think not.
