Category Archives: Relationships

Being a USER

Friendship and all relationships are about balance, there are periods in time when the pendulum swings towards one or the other, as life plays nasty games on us all, we go through periods when life is wonderful, and others when life is truly awful, and how we deal with the bad times is what defines us.

Some people are incredible at making others feel like they are owed everything, others of us quietly slink into a quiet corner to lick our wounds and reappear when life improves. We take care of ourselves, and do not make our particular problems those of everyone around us.

We have all met them, they are charming, they make you feel like part of an exclusive group, welcome. It starts with a small favour, and over time the request for favours escalates until the relationship is totally one sided. If you don’t deliver on the latest request, they throw a temper tantrum which is embarrassing and extremely public, and if the request is not granted after an explanation is requested, you are eliminated from their fabulous lives. Fabulous through your generosity!!

The world has become a cruel place. With social media we are bombarded with pictures of the ‘in crowd’ and their fabulously lavish lifestyles. We see endless pictures of their homes, vacation homes, vacations, cars, jewellery, clothes, and private planes, the ridiculous numbers of Facebook ‘friends’ , Twitter followers, Instagram and whatever else is the social media of the moment. I know several individuals who have thousands of Facebook ‘friends’ but they do not even know 10 % of the people. They portray this incredibly cool image of success and more importantly fun and popularity, so others flock to be in their presence, and there it all begins, little favours asked with a sweet sideways glance and a slight touch, which subsequently escalates to utter insanity. At what point does one become tired of the endless requests for SOMETHING, and there is ALWAYS a request for something. Be it names and contact information for an event, the person who is pleading for this information now has YOUR contact list, and over time the provider of this information becomes irrelevant, as the ‘user’ moves on to fresh prey with a new address book.
I know of several people who have been absolutely drained of their contact lists and subsequently dumped when there is nothing left to gain.
From Political fundraisers, Charity fundraisers, artists hosting events, someone is always demanding more. Nothing is ever enough, ever.

Friendship has to be balanced, as do all relationships. There HAS to be something to be gained for all parties. One person can not always be making requests and expect them to be granted. Some of these USERS are extraordinarily adept at networking and portraying a public face of kindness and generosity, which the givers never quite seem to receive as the USER works their way through the never ending source of the generosity and kindness of others. But wait!! Over time they become less relevant and less in demand. There is always someone new and more exciting standing in the shadows waiting to appear on the horizon, and slowly the USER is left behind. The unfortunate giver is relinquished and left in the shadows……….

Impressed by their Title

If it isn’t obvious by my blogs, I am a student of human behaviour, the human condition providing endless sources of entertainment and consternation.

Human behaviour never ceases to intrigue, every day someone I meet shares some tidbit which leaves you with your mouth flopping in the breeze in shock.

From mind-numbing rudeness on the telephone, or those who somehow think they are too busy or important to return phone calls, yet they have absolutely no clue as to the reason for the call. People are reserving multiple tables in multiple restaurants for 15 people and do not have the common courtesy to ring up and cancel the poor restaurant they deem as unimportant, leaving restaurant owners holding the bag for staff and food which goes uneaten, and an empty table being eyed by some poor group who did not reserve but are being turned away. Beyond unethical behaviour.

There seems to be a malaise in the marketplace, many people are commenting on it, from various walks of life. People are holding positions clearly above their capabilities, and are spending their days scrambling to cover up their incompetence, and instead of working with others to improve their knowledge, surrounding themselves with other equally incompetent individuals, all of them scrambling to retain their titles and fat salaries, and being rude to anyone they consider below their station in life.

This morning a friend with a PhD in Bio Science rang me up for a chat. Apparently the CIO at his previous company just let go 15 individuals who did not kow tow to her and her directives. This department ironically is 8 years late in implementing a project, and well over $50 million over budget. It will finally be implemented this year simply because those working on it are so fed up they have taken it upon themselves to ignore most of the directives and are just doing it. The CIO is grotesquely incompetent, and blames every possible thing that goes wrong on her staff. She has burned through some amazing people, many of those who have left are fabulously talented, and could not work for her. How she has managed to stay in office is seriously questionable. We constantly hear the expression ‘do you know who I am’ ?!??.. She is one of those….

Having been rendered speechless by this person I did references on her and was rolling on the floor laughing at some of the comments, including that one of her biggest accomplishments in her previous company was leaving!!!!

Whether someone is pushing for a table in a restaurant, running a project, in a line, one unfortunately hears these words far too often. I have a friend with delusions of grandeur who never stops telling everyone ‘I’m a XYZ. (family name) …..almost no one knows this family name, and yet one hears this constantly as if it is somehow supposed to impress…

The irony is that inevitably these self-important individuals are not remotely important or successful except in their own minds..
Growing up in England one was reminded constantly NEVER to name drop or self- promote, that it is the height of bad manners. In America, people are doing the opposite, and, frankly it is tiresome.

The Lady, Countess, Lord, are apt to come across as boring and unsuccessful. Yet one hears low level clerks in shops or companies dripping with condescension. The 21 year old shop clerk in an antique shop I frequent is by far one of the rudest young men I have met in a long time. Bristling with arrogance and condescension, interrupting people to give his opinions, and over talking if one has the audacity to try and ignore him. He is broke, living in a shared apartment, however, the strut and voice of authority with which he speaks would leave you wondering if he was so rich and successful he had earned the right to be so mind-numblingly rude.

If someone has to interrupt others to try and indicate their importance, then it is clear they are simply rude, selfish bores.
Courtesy and manners have seemingly been out of favour for a while, particularly with the youth, however it is interesting to note just how many people are complaining, and making a point of ignoring the ignoramus.

Years ago I came up with the ditty, “the bigger the strut, the bigger the loser”, which couldn’t be more true than today.
No one cares who you think you are, or tell us you are, your behaviours speaks volumes, and yes, we are watching…

RICH and Angry

The wonderful thing about the human race is that they never cease to amaze and provide an endless supply of anecdotes for me to detail in my blog!!

I am absolutely fascinated by several individuals I know who are extraordinarily wealthy, through chance of birth and marriage, yet, they are mind-numbingly cruel, angry people. They are tooling around in Bentley’s, Ferrari’s, and other posh cars, eating in the best restaurants, seated at the best tables where they are assured of ‘being seen’ , flying on private jets, wearing the most expensive clothes they can find, but are nasty, nasty, nasty. The mere idea of being polite or kind to someone except when they want something from them, is inconceivable, and generosity, just for the sake of it, is something they can simply not comprehend.

What I can’t quite figure out is why they are so cruel and rude? One would hope that if you are fortunate enough to acquire such wealth without exerting any effort other than the mere fact of being born or married into it, that you would be the nicest person in the world, but no, they are totally unpleasant, nasty individuals, who treat everyone like they are after something, and must be brushed off. Most of us look at you and think you are fortunate for miraculously falling into such a situation, but your behaviour belies any possible understanding. Interestingly, other than a few belligerent movie stars and singers who have come to believe they are GODS, I don’t actually think I have ever met someone who worked for their wealth who portrays such shameful behaviour. Most people who have earned their wealth understand how incredibly lucky they are, and how precarious it is, and the fact you can lose it all overnight, due to something totally beyond your control.

One gentleman I have known for years has made and lost his fortune several times. He is kind, generous, very funny, and was recently in Europe speaking at a University about Entrepreneurship. He is generous to a fault, and employs people around the world from nearly every possible race imaginable. Many are invisible, not wanting to flaunt their wealth.

So, if you didn’t work for it, why are you so mean?? Rude? Disrespectful? Because you think you can? Because somehow now that you are rich you feel above everyone else? You only associate with people you consider important enough to be in your refined company? Rich enough? Famous enough??

So, let me paraphrase, you inherited or married wealth, did absolutely nothing to earn it, contributed nothing to the good of mankind other than promoting yourself and procreating, strut around in fine clothes and jewellery, drive expensive cars, and sneer at the world.

There is always someone better looking, richer, kinder, more educated, more travelled, more successful, out there…..and the rest of the world sees you as your truly are. We avoid you at all costs, and want as little to do with you as is possible. You have absolutely no idea who you have offended along the way. Some of the ‘little’ people you have tromped over are in fact more wealthy and successful than you will ever be, and they are NICE. But you never take the time to actually LOOK at who is in front of you or LISTEN to them.

It is very sad.
At the end of the day the only people who will be around you will be only there to take your money, the one thing you have been fighting against forever, as you will have offended and chased everyone else away. What a delicious, sad irony.

Friendship in the New Age

We hear of people of all ages feeling isolated and lonely, yet there are so many on-line dating sites today it is insane, and the latest statistics which have just come out speak of nearly 50% of the adult population living alone.

There are a panoply of new ways to meet people, yet we hear of more suicides than ever, bullying and lonely desperation. So, what has happened?

Some people have thousands of ‘Friends’ on Facebook, and even more contacts on Linkedin, yet they just spent the Christmas holidays alone.

We see people glued to their mobile phones, texting in elevators, walking across the street in busy intersections, texting in restaurants, in meetings, on the bus, while sitting on the toilet, and some are still at it at 3 am.

Everything must be done by email or text, and it must be NOW. But, how do you make lifelong, lasting friendships if your life is spent on-line? If you are with someone and are paying attention to your phone, what does that say about you?

With instant communications, we are bombarded with images of movie stars and models and their fabulous lives. Just think of the ‘Twitter’ feeds of some which are followed by literally millions of eager followers, but this is not real. People have forgotten or have never even learned how to meet and greet other people, in person, and to express interest in what the OTHER person has to say, and what THEY are doing. You have to start by turning the phone OFF.

Life has become a series of images across a screen, lived vicariously, one image at a time. Where many people lack the skills to meet face to face, they are the same ones who don’t return messages on voice-mail, and unless you text them, they won’t answer you.

Some are going so far as to change their phone numbers on a regular basis to avoid actually having live conversations with their ‘Friends’ . How sad is this?

Friendships and relationships are terminated on-line, via Facebook or text, which is downright cowardly, not to mention totally rude and dis-respectful to the other person. How can anyone be so cold as to treat another person like this?!!

Life and friendships are about meeting people, in person, one at a time, and building relationships, whether profound or superficial, but the only way there is a chance is to spend the time with someone, with the phone turned OFF. Pay attention to the person you are with, they may surprise you.

I am always fascinated by those who interrupt others to talk about their fascinating lives and experiences. They need an audience, however the only way to develop enduring relationships with others is to actually LISTEN to what they have to say. I spoke with someone like that this week, well, actually I tried to speak and was interrupted non-stop by the other party. When I put the phone back on the receiver (land-line) , I actually looked at it, and asked the receiver what had just happened. My knowledge of the subject at hand is much more profound and personal than that of the caller, yet 20 minutes later, I hadn’t really been allowed to speak about it at all.

In my previous blog, ‘The Gift of Giving’ I discussed selfishness, which has crossed the boundary into friendships. Friendship, like loving relationships, are about balance, it has to offer something positive to both parties. It can’t lean only one way.

If you want to develop and maintain friendships, contact has to be in both directions, likewise invitations and generosity, regardless of one’s means.

No money for posh restaurants? No problem. Invite people to your home for Mac and Cheese. Throw in a few extra ingredients and make it into an event!!

In our home, we host friends for evenings of wonderful home-made onion soup and live music, not expensive to do, but certainly memorable. It is not about the cost, but about the gesture and the ensuing memories.

Friendship and consideration for others go hand in hand.

SO next time you wonder why you don’t have more real friends calling and inviting you out, ask yourself what behaviour you have exhibited towards others, and whether you would like to be the recipient of such shoddy behaviour. I think not.

Mean Girls

Recently there seems to be a preponderance of articles in various magazines describing school yard bullies and the devastating effects they can have on the recipients of their mis-deeds, with an increase of teen suicide. It has escalated to such an extent that it is finally being documented, schools are finally becoming more aware and taking steps to limit it, and recognize the extreme damage that can be inflicted by these bullies.

What is not, however, being spoken about, is that these girls continue on in life to adults, and continue to be bullies, which is why we also hear of a level of competitiveness beyond compare. These women aspire to be the most popular, most pretty, and are absolutely vicious social climbers who will stop at nothing to attain the position of  ‘top dog’ within their group. The big question in my mind, is that once they have clawed and scratched their way through life to attain whatever perceived social position they are grappling for, then what???!

In life, there is always someone more popular, prettier, smarter, with a better husband,  better husband, better homes, better clothes, better trips, more popular children, more money,   more and better everything.  In fact, there is nothing that will ever make them happy, because they are always trying to attain the next level…..of what, it is  frankly not all that  clear.

They snipe at people for sport, criticize people they barely know, and are cruel for sport, insults to them are second nature. Sometimes they can appear to mask their insecurities as humour and can be wildly entertaining – stories of their lives and exploits described in a such a manner that they can keep a group of people spell bound as they describe their latest trip or event.

Kindness is a tool only bestowed upon those who appear to have something to offer.

Everything in their existence has to be bigger, better,  more special. They have to be ‘seen’ at only the best restaurants, and they insist on having the ‘best’ tables, they have to go to the best social events where they can rub shoulders with only the ‘best’ of society, only the best hairdressers and manicurists will do, for them the idea of going to a cheap corner store is not even contemplated.

Their groceries can only come from the ‘best’ shops, clothes , shoes, bags, hair styles and colours, jewellery   are carefully researched to ensure that they only have the best names and are on top of the newest trend.  Not for them being ‘seen’ in anything or anywhere which they perceive could damage their social image.

Why do they inflict such cruelty on their victims? It is a sense of empowerment, which only they think gives them the ultimate power over others, and elevates them to being Queen’s. The damage they inflict however can have dangerous results to their victims, from anorexia, cutting, suicide, depression, weight gain and a multitude of other dysfunctions. The victims are not always in a position to be able to withdraw from or ignore the bullying, or are simply not emotionally strong enough to recognize it.

It is only when these ‘mean girls’ are called what they really are by their peers that this problem can be rectified. Cruelness is never justified.

 

 

 

 

 

‘Thank You’

…..Now……was that really so difficult to say?

Two very small words, single syllable ,  yet they seem to have virtually disappeared from the vocabulary of many people – where did they get lost?

How many times have you done a favour for someone who behaves as though they deserve to be the recipient of your labour and never utter a word of thanks?

Fundraising for charities, working for political parties, being endlessly asked for donations to various charities, those of us running companies are treated like it is our responsibility to donate our money and time endlessly, yet, how many times have those of us who did all the work to ensure that an event was a huge success actually been properly thanked?

Many people are under the impression that they have the right to acquire professional assistance for free, and ring up endlessly asking for assistance or advice, yet when the tables are turned, expect to receive top dollar for their own services.

The only people who don’t ascribe are the sycophants who will gladly give of their time and  money to be seen with their newest bestest friend of the moment. No favour too small in order to garner the recognition of the perceived hero.

But when is enough enough??

What right do certain individuals have to expect favours incessantly?

Some extremely arrogant individuals actually treat kindness and generosity as a sign of weakness, laughing behind the backs of those doing the work, and laughing at how gullible some people can be. And of course, they never, ever, say THANK YOU.

One good friend uses the expression ‘no good deed goes unpunished’ to describe his feelings of being manipulated and used.

I was on a Board of Director’s several years ago where the Executive Director actually threatened most of those on the Board, even though we were not remunerated. Many people worked for him for years in order to be part of such a prestigious event. Slowly, one by one the entire group removed themselves, citing every imaginable excuse….and this rude man actually bad mouthed all those who had supported him for years.

Next time someone goes out of their way for you, take the two seconds and say, ‘THANK YOU’ – it might change your life.



 

EGO is ALL

‘Now it’s all about ME”

Andy Warhol once spoke of everyone having their 15 minutes of fame. Today many people are running their lives to have the exact opposite effect. Privacy is now becoming the new ‘in thing’ with the elite while the rest spend their lives  concerned about social networking and how many ‘friends’ they have.

I can’t imagine why anyone in their right mind would care to read a ‘tweet’ every few minutes from some ostensibly famous person brushing their teeth or going to the grocery store.

We see grown men stomping their feet and throwing major temper tantrums when they don’t have their way, and then bullying in order to have their way. Not cute. Not funny. Yet, for some indescribable reason it is acceptable by some people, and given the feeble excuse that the perpetrator is ‘charming’. Unless one is the recipient of some kind of generosity or recognition I can’t imagine why this intolerable and belligerent behaviour could be socially acceptable.

One woman, desperately seeking a wealthy husband so that she never has to work again, and can have the lifestyle she believes she deserves, exclaimed to a group of friends that ‘now it’s all about me’ and went on to explain that unless her friends were going to introduce her to rich, available, single men, that she no longer wishes to spend time with them, since they aren’t promoting her cause.

Well, I guess that leaves no room for doubt!

Young people are spending hours on Facebook, photographing themselves and posting the photos of their latest greatest coup, bragging about their newest bestest friends, yet, do they actually know how

To make and retain a real friend which will endure a lifetime?

The superficiality of many people is obvious, and actually quite frightening. Constantly seeking out their ‘new best friend’ , or who can help advance their career or social life, and giving little or nothing in return, and thinking that this is perfectly ok.

What had once been described as the ‘ME’ generation has now expanded to include adults who should know better.

It used to be that one aspired to see their name in print only 3 times in their lifetime, birth, marriage and death, and it was considered as ‘common’ to have one’s life detailed in the public eye. There are some people today who are such publicity hounds that they will do practically anything to appear in print, and a film clip on the local news, well, priceless.

Walking down the street has become a new sport dodging the rude people furiously texting and talking on their telephones.

And WHY when you just left your apartment, do you need to get into the elevator texting or making a phone call? Should the rest of the people in the elevator be somehow impressed that you actually know someone you can call? Do you really think your conversation is so important that we all need to hear it?

We have to deal with small town politicians with delusions of grandeur deciding who is important and who is not, as if somehow, they consider themselves the arbiter’s of good taste. The mere act of characterizing people they actually don’t know, denotes that they are in fact practicing extremely bad taste and extremely low class.

If one doesn’t actually take the time to get to know people, who to say how important they are or are not.

But cruelness in order to aggrandize oneself seems to becoming the social norm, ruthless social climbing while demeaning others only works for so long.

Don’t they realize that the people they criticize actually speak to one another?

At some point this offensive behaviour becomes common knowledge and once the proverbial cat is out of the bag, it becomes like an unstoppable avalanche.

At the end of the day, why on earth would anyone want to be friends or even acquaintances with someone who has such a large ego that there is no room for anyone except for those who are on bended knee to them? There is no excuse for cruelty.

When reality finally sets in they will find themselves well and truly alone…….as they richly deserve.



 

The Demise of “Nice”

In an age when one’s public image seems to be overly important, it is fascinating to observe the sheer numbers of people who along the way have lost all sense of courtesy and the ability to recognize or appreciate someone who is genuinely ‘nice’.
People with good manners are being treated as ‘weak’ to the extent that some kind and gentle souls are being mocked in public and spoken of as doormats for the simple crime of being nice.

There are no end to the number of self aggrandizing bullies out there who are rude, arrogant, and publicly dismiss others without even the most modest knowledge of who they are. They seem to feel that unless they are like them, constantly bragging about who they are, who they know, and what they do, then the others are of no value. They gossip, insult people with no reason, and  interrogate people publicly in order to ‘put them down’ . Nothing worse than a group of aspiring ‘socialites’ who have the audacity to think they can decide who is ‘in’ and who is ‘out’. Ironically, most of the same socialites who are living off the largesse of their husbands who pay for the designer clothes, memberships in posh clubs, and pay for their meals in expensive restaurants. Their ego’s are so far out there, and attitude towards others who have not married quite as well as them, that they forget they are only the ‘wives of’ and not the actual successful individual. Even when their husbands decide they have had enough of being married to a bitch, and ditch them for someone younger and kinder, these individuals continue along the same path of criticism and condescension.

We hear people constantly complaining about the younger generation’s lack of common sense and good manners, but unfortunately it seems to cross all socio-economic paths, and has exploded to a point that the pendulum is about to switch sides.

Employers are now actually seeking individuals with ‘soft skills’, ie, the ability to work in a team, and to be able to cross all levels in an organisation. Potential hires are being taken out to meals in restaurants so that their manners in public can be measured. If they are rude with the help staff, then it goes without saying that they will be rude to underlings. If they have no table manners, they have no manners.

When a gentleman holds the door open for a ‘lady’, the correct response is ‘thank you’, however, for some bizarre reason, some women actually snarl at the men that they ‘can open their own *&^ door’

Sending a ‘Thank You’ note to some socialites seems to provoke mockery.

Saying ‘Please’, ‘Thank You’, and ‘I Beg your Pardon’ seems to illicit some people to be intolerably rude.

Peer pressure on girls who are teenagers or in their low twenties to be promiscuous, strangely enough, by other girls their own age, who are promiscuous, forces them to have low self esteem ,which is ludicrous. Since when is being loose the sign of being a loser?!!

From shop clerks who spend hours admiring themselves in the mirror fussing with their hair or lipstick, speaking or texting on mobile phones, cashiers who chat with one another while clients are 5 deep in queues, service staff who are intolerably rude, bullies on the playground or work, receptionists who leave the phone ringing incessantly while they chat with their friends, people interrogating others to see if they are ‘important enough’, people out in restaurants texting while ignoring their hosts, good manners and ‘nice’ seem to have momentarily been displaced.

But don’t fear, manners have always been in fashion, and they are coming back with a vengeance.  Nice is appreciated by people who are nice,
And increasingly by those who are tired of being spoken down to.

Nice is never really out of fashion. 

Social Animals

A few months ago, I wrote about social climbers, and received some interesting feedback from some of the readers. In speaking with people, just when you think you have heard everything, someone comes up and knocks you off your feet with the latest faux-pas.

It is interesting how some people decide who is in and who is out based on their decision of whether or not they like the person or think there is something to be gained from being their friend. They ostracize people ruthlessly, spread malicious gossip, and spend an inordinate amount of time being negative towards someone, who in many cases, is not what they expected. Some of the put-downs are really quite something….telling someone that ‘you are the only one …..’ , ‘how did you get into this private club’ …, ‘who invited you?..’ as if by some feat of magic, they are the only ones in the room of any importance. The best of course, are parties where the guests are told who is being excluded, and the reasons why. One business man held a party for his single friends, and told everyone not to breathe a word about it as his rich married clients would be offended that he held a cocktail party and didn’t invite them, another businessman, who is the worst name dropper ever, actually had the audacity to hold 2 Christmas parties, one day after the other, and labelled one ‘losers night’.
The question MUST be asked, if his guests were losers, why on earth did he invite them? Word spread around the city like a brushfire, and he succeeded in offending a lot of very important people, The worst thing is, apparently he served the leftovers from one party to the guests at the second party…..and they heard about it. Did he really think people wouldn’t talk?

In one gesture, he rendered everyone speechless, and ensured that he was removed from a great number of lists himself, although he still doesn’t really understand what it is that he did wrong. He actually thinks that it was socially acceptable to humiliate his guests.

What must go through the mind of these people that somehow they actually believe that they are special? A bigger house, a better car, more money in the bank?
There is always someone better looking, more popular, richer, more connected and more. The only thing they are succeeding in doing, is making themselves lose credibility. In the eyes of their little circle of friends they may be entertaining in telling their stories, but for anyone on the outside their behaviour is acutely embarrassing. They always have a terse word about others, but they never find the time or the energy to actually find out who people are before they speak ill of them.

Life plays funny games on people, and cruelty eventually catches up . There is nothing to be gained by humiliating someone, it is not sweet, cute or even remotely entertaining.
Think about it, and think how many people are richer, better looking or more successful than you are……and think about the fact that the ugly duckling often turns into the swan. You never know where you will end up in life. The person you insulted could be the one who could ultimately save your life.

Social Climbers

Everyone has met a few of them…..you go to a cocktail party, and are introduced to someone who has an inflated view of their self worth, and is constantly looking over the shoulder of the person they are speaking with in case someone more important comes through the door. Some of them are more elegant and discreet than others, and some think they are above it all, and their disgraceful behaviour  towards others is totally normal. Whether or not you are 16, 26 or 60, we have unfortunately all been at the mercy of those who think they are somehow special, and deserve to hob nob only with the rich and famous.

One of the things about growing older (not me, of course!) is that hindsight is truly 20/20. As someone who has met some of the wealthiest and most prominent people in the world, it is fairly hard to impress me, and simply money is certainly not the way to do it. Having grown up in London, my perceptions are somewhat moulded by my childhood abroad.

At recent garden party, one incredibly rude guest RSVP’d, then turned up and took all the fruit from one of the host’s fruit bushes to make jam. She came into the kitchen to survey the crowd, and when she ascertained that there was no-one there sufficiently important for her, off she went, with no thank you, no excuses, other than the fact that she had ‘things to do’. One must ask the following questions…..1. Why did she RSVP to say she was coming.

2. If she had time to drive all the way over, certainly she had time to stay for a cocktail. 3. What could possibly be so important that she should snub everyone in the room by making it evident that she didn’t consider them important enough.4. And most importantly, the hosts had planned their menu based upon the number of guests who had mentioned they would be coming. It is rude and disrespectful to have your hosts provision food and drink for you and then not have the good manners to at least stay a while and participate.

Yes, we all had a truly lovely time, and interestingly the group had no social climbers, so everyone mingled and exchanged ideas and knowledge. Many chairs were exchanged so that people could move about and speak with each other. The sign of a successful party and very generous hosts.

There is some tasty irony in this story, inasmuch as this same ‘turbo-prop setter’ as opposed to a ‘jet-setter’ went bankrupt several years ago and lived at the generosity of several people over the years, yet continued to carry on as if the homes in which she resided were actually hers, instead of the truth, which was that she was actually living at the generosity of her hosts.

It appears to me, that if anyone should make an attempt to be generous, it is her, yet it appears etiquette is something sorely missing in her vocabulary. She has forgotten that she would have been living in the street if it wasn’t for the generosity of others.

Another well known social climber and snob is actually the mistress to a fairly wealthy married man. Seeing her walk down the street with her dark glasses is something to behold, yet many know exactly how her rent is paid, and it certainly isn’t with cash. She has decided that although the man will never divorce his current wife and marry her, that somehow she is special, and deserves special treatment, and only the best. The Hermes bags which are flashed are actually fakes, albeit good ones, the Chanel shoes are also copies, yet the arrogance and attitude of this woman and sense of entitlement are astounding, not to mention  the condescending  way she speaks and actually pronounces when she makes a statement, as if we should actually all be in awe of her.

Another social climber came into a dining room where 20 –25 people were seated, interrupted the speaker and the entire room to introduce her guest, and brag about what function she was coming from. She kept on for at least 10 minutes until the hostess was obliged to ask if they were staying or leaving. Funnily enough, they were actually leaving. Once she checked out the room and decided that there were bigger fish to be had elsewhere, she announced that she had other stops to make and would be running off.  Translation, she was going to the next event to see if the people were more important with her ‘posse’ in tow.

Several months ago, I ran into a woman I have known for over 30 years while  in a shop , after not seeing one another for several years. NOT someone I particularly care to socialise with. I was absolutely interrogated as to what I had been up to and with whom. It wasn’t successful on her part, as I always refuse to participate in the ‘my friends are better than yours’ game. This was actually one of the few times that I was publicly rude to someone. Her loud squeaky voice is jarring, and can be heard across any store. The questioning game was so astounding that at one point I advised her I was late as I was meeting someone at my house to write music, something I have been doing for a very long time, She squealed loudly that she was unaware I had ever done anything artistic or musical in my life, and this was news to her. Enough being enough, I finally turned around and suggested that if she had spent even 10% of the time actually getting to know me as opposed to gossiping about me behind my back, perhaps she would have actually known that I had been writing for years, and that in fact, she might actually have more interesting friends if she actually asked about people genuinely as opposed to always gossiping about everyone behind their back.

She is one of these women who have had the same group of friends forever, and they sit around and absolutely  rip everyone to shreds if they don’t know them, with a self-righteous tone, which is so sad, the joy of life is actually getting to know people from different races and walks of life so that one can learn and appreciate.

I never understood this game.

Young and old, we all face these individuals. Some of us realize who they are and what the game is,and learn to smile brightly while one is being questioned. Others are offended. The big question to ask, is, 30 years on, what on earth has been accomplished by being a rude social climber when decidedly you are in the same place you started 30 years before.

Is there a lesson in this? Yes, open your mind and more importantly use your ears instead of your mouth. You might be pleasantly surprised.