Over the years, many people have told me that I should write a book due to the unbelievable number of anecdotes emanating from thousands of meetings and interviews. Every business book you have ever read on \u2018Dressing for Success\u2019\u00a0 starts out screaming at the reader that one only has 3 seconds to make\u00a0 a good first impression. Unfortunately, far too many people base their so-called great\u00a0 instincts on first impressions. Over the years, the one thing that is\u00a0 clear to me, is that they are usually totally wrong.<\/p>\n
Growing up in England with an extremely well-connected and elegant\u00a0 grandmother, I was constantly being chastened about my behavior, and told that a model child should be \u2018Seen and Not Heard\u2019, \u201cSpeak you are spoken to\u2019 , \u2018Say \u2018yes, please, no, I beg your pardon\u2019, and respectful of elders. This was repeated AD NASEUM, and was learned the hard way. Being high energy, precocious, and inquisitive were not welcomed. The smallest squeak, and I was dragged out of whatever restaurant, party\u00a0 or private home, and delivered home, to consider my actions. Other words of wisdom included the very interesting moniker, \u2018always treat everyone you meet politely and equally. You never know when the\u00a0 man you believe is the gardener is the Lord of the Manor, and the upper-class twit with the attitude and holier-than-thou airs, is in fact the butler.<\/p>\n
The other one I loved was \u2018Treat your servants with kindness and the\u00a0 utmost of respect as they know all your darkest, deepest secrets\u201d. As\u00a0 painful as was this learning experience, as useful it has become as an\u00a0 adult.<\/p>\n
Several years ago, I was in the Royal Enclosure at Ascot, and met an\u00a0 older couple in their mid to late seventies. They allowed me to sit\u00a0 with them, and after speaking with them for some time, they kindly\u00a0 invited me to tea. They were the epitome of charming, but more \u00a0importantly, they were totally smitten with one another even after 50 years of marriage. They kept sneaking little touches and glances at\u00a0 one another, the rub of a hand or arm, and the look in their\u00a0 eyes. ..it was like being with 2 love struck teenagers. They were\u00a0 absolutely charming.<\/p>\n
Both of them were wearing clothes that were old and frayed. In the\u00a0 course of the afternoon , they lost 19 pounds on the races, and\u00a0 decided to leave before the last race and the rush for the car parks. They insisted that I look them up upon my next trip to London and join\u00a0 them for tea.<\/p>\n
Later on, I ran into some of my friends and was quizzed about my\u00a0 relationship with them. I said that I had only just met them, but had enjoyed a thoroughly delightful afternoon in their company. Once the laughter had subsided, one of my friends asked if I had any idea who they were other than a \u2018sweet older couple\u2019 . I replied that\u00a0 I had their names but little else. I was then informed that they reside in an enormous castle with artworks on the walls which most museum curators would die for.<\/p>\n
There was no attitude, no pretention….they were totally unassuming and self effacing. I enjoyed every second I spent with them, the gift\u00a0 of their gentleness and love makes me smile as I write. To continue in the theme….<\/p>\n
I finally got to learn first hand the expression \u2018flabbergasted\u2019 or \u00a0 \u2018dumbstruck\u2019 when in the company of another acquaintance.<\/p>\n
We were on a trip together, and this individual regularly struck up conversations with total strangers in restaurants, shops, bars, always\u00a0 talking about himself and his amazing \u2018lifestyle\u2019 . A bubbly\u00a0 personality who is larger than life, and has an incredible ability to \u00a0create a buzz about himself.<\/p>\n
People flock like flies to honey.\u00a0 Entertaining stories about\u00a0 international trips to exotic locales, island retreats, New York, Palm\u00a0 Beach, private jets, eating in some of the \u2018hottest\u2019 restaurants and clubs in the world. Total strangers flock to be part of the \u2018action\u2019\u00a0 total strangers pick up the tab in bars and restaurants. Invitations\u00a0 are extended for even more fabulous parties. It is extraordinary how\u00a0 highly successful business people and politicians are drawn in as if by a magnet, unable to stop themselves.<\/p>\n
It is as if they all are hoping that some of this exotic lifestyle and\u00a0 success will rub off. By being in the presence of such an amazing individual, it will somehow render them more desirable. The harsh reality of this individual, is that they are virtually bankrupt. A rented car, a rented apartment, no savings, credit cards\u00a0 maxed out.<\/p>\n
This example relates equally to both sexes, the fast talking merchant\u00a0 banker in the $5000 suits and $120,000 car talking about his multi- million dollar deals. Lies in a room in a private club in one city, in a shack in the poor part of another city. Wears the most amazing\u00a0 designer clothes….all purchased in Vintage stores for a fraction of\u00a0 the retail price. The girls swoon over him, see instant husband\u00a0 material, and can visualize their glamorous lifestyles with him jetting around the planet to their even more glamorous homes.<\/p>\n
No-one pays the nerdy, pimply computer kid any attention. He is\u00a0 ignored when he tries to shop, be it for clothes, a car, or in a\u00a0restaurant. The service staff automatically assume he is broke, and they would rather serve someone who has the means. How wrong they are.\u00a0 He is worth over $100 million and is under 30. …and he won\u2019t forget.There are many urban legends about people like him buying a business\u00a0 only to be able to fire the people who treated him poorly.<\/p>\n
I recently interviewed a young Asian fellow for a technical computer\u00a0 position. Upon shaking his hand and feeling the strength in it, I\u00a0 looked up at his arms and shoulders, then inquired which Martial Arts he studied. He looked at me strangely, and inquired if because he was\u00a0 Asian I was singling him out. I looked at him quizzically and offered\u00a0 an answer that was totally unexpected. It was that due to the strength\u00a0 of his handshake and the musculature of his arms and shoulders, it was\u00a0 clear to me that he did. He then looked at me, smiled, and inquired if\u00a0 in fact I had also studied Martial Arts. I told him yes, I had, that I\u00a0 had looked at Jiu Jitsu, Karate and Kendo. We ended up having a very\u00a0 interesting conversation about Martial Arts and Southeast Asia. It\u00a0 turned out that he had only been to Asia for 3 days in his life, and\u00a0 spoke virtually no Vietnamese, where I had spent considerable time\u00a0 there, and had a much deeper knowledge and understanding of various\u00a0 Asian cultures.<\/p>\n
The last person in the world with which he expected to have a\u00a0 conversation like this one, was with a white female.<\/p>\n
He thanked me at the end of our meeting for what was one of the most\u00a0 interesting 2 hours of his life. For many years, I have been visiting Palm Beach, Florida, during the\u00a0 winter, and realized after many years that one of the things I like \u00a0the most is the lack of \u2018attitude\u2019 with the service staff in the shops and restaurants. As they are serving some of the wealthiest people in \u00a0the US, there is no way to know whether the person in the torn jeans is poor or worth millions, so they err on the side of politeness. It \u00a0is wonderful.<\/p>\n
Perhaps it is time for most businesses to take a lesson from this tiny\u00a0 town. All of us have experienced the wrath of the \u2018clip-board\u2019 gate-keeper from hell, been given a table next to the toilet, or left standing for ages when we are in a rush, so that the staff can finish their\u00a0 personal telephone call to their best friend. I have taken to walking out of establishments that allow this type of\u00a0 behavior. Over time, it has been interesting to note what percentage\u00a0 of them disappear.<\/p>\n
The longest standing restaurants and shops are the ones who recognize\u00a0 their customers and treat them accordingly. As the person who pays\u00a0 their bills.<\/p>\n
Keep reading….there will be more on this subject……….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Over the years, many people have told me that I should write a book due to the unbelievable number of anecdotes emanating from thousands of meetings and interviews. Every business book you have ever read on \u2018Dressing for Success\u2019\u00a0 starts out screaming at the reader that one only has 3 seconds to make\u00a0 a good … Continue reading First Impressions<\/span>