Category Archives: Impressions

Business, Communication, Consideration, Impressions, Quality

Perceptions…

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Why is it that some people are attracted to someone and will sing their praises regardless of being shown something totally contrary to their beliefs, and someone else will absolutely despise the object of their praises??

There are a variety of reasons which can contribute to this, including, but not limited to the following:

SITUATIONAL

Someone you know and respect introduces you to someone and exclaims how fabulous, kind, generous, considerate and otherwise wonderful they are, and how you would be well suited to befriend them.

RELIGIOUS

Many people join religious groups, willingly, or unwillingly, due to societal or parental pressure, and make the incumbent feel non-worthy if they are not part of the group, or even totally shunned by their community.

POLITICAL

See religious

HAVING A BAD DAY

If you are feeling sad or unwell, being told how you MUST like someone may actually anger you and change your feelings towards the innocent person, as you would rather be elsewhere, and not forced into a fake smile and an unwanted conversation. The unfortunate object of your feelings being totally innocent.

REFERRED BY SOMEONE YOU RESPECT

With flowery but not so subtle pressure to adhere to the group. Ergo, we all think this person is, fill in the blanks, wonderful, special, generous, one of us…..or in the case of a business referral, it could be their friend, boss, mentor, foe, or simply an honest referral out of generosity.

PRAISED BY SOMEONE YOU DESPISE

How many times have you been in a business or social situation where someone is presented to the group as a ‘person of value’ by someone you do not respect?? Society dictates that you smile graciously and extend your hand in friendship and acceptance, and try to put your personal feelings behind you. Unfortunately many people believe that their ‘first impressions’ are accurate, and they are NOT. Just because you do not like the person making the introduction does not mean the object of their introduction bears any resemblance to them and is not actually wonderful.

PHYSICAL

Illogical physical revulsion to someone for no apparent reason.

SOCIETAL

Some individuals adhere to strict societal rules and norms and are afraid to venture outside the limits of who and what they are told to approve. This is extremely unfortunate, as they miss out on the immense joy of meeting people from all walks of life and extraordinary experiences.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Like it or not, our makeup drives a physical revulsion or in the case of extreme good looks, acceptance. But just because someone is either very pleasant or unpleasant on the eyes does not make them less of a person. Are you able to step back and look into the soul of someone and establish who they really are simply based upon appearance?? Usually the unattractive one is the most interesting, as they have had to work harder at being accepted.

LIFE EXPERIENCES

We all have totally different life experiences which guide us in many of the choices we make, willingly or unwillingly. If you come from a fairly socially isolated community, your views on other races or nationalities, as well as socio-economic vagaries , will be inaccurate based upon sheer ignorance. Someone who has travelled extensively will be much more open minded and accepting of others than someone who has neither travelled nor integrated within other communities.

SOCIO-ECONOMIC

Some people do not venture outside of whatever they perceive to be their socio-economic group, as they consider people who are poorer to be somehow inferior. How many interviews have you heard of arrogant music or movie stars speaking about how they can only socialize with their peers as ‘no one understands them’. They have forgotten where they come from, usually poor. The extremely wealthy often only socialize with other very wealthy people, as they are afraid that everyone else is out to profit from them, the joke is, we regularly hear of poseurs giving themselves titles and English accents and being invited as ‘entertaining guests’, one was recently exposed on television……and yes, it was hysterical.
But there are also social climbers who are so intent on climbing that invisible ladder that they will insult and snub anyone they do not deem important enough, and this is VERY dangerous. Often the most wealthy people are the least obvious, and believe me, they are paying attention, and they DO NOT CARE. They know who they are.

But life plays funny tricks and judgement is often totally flawed. How many times have I heard some social climber discuss how they need to associate with ‘people like us’, yet the reality is that they are pretentious frauds, their actual childhoods totally contrary to the glorious image they are trying to convey.
How many people have built huge empires only to lose them, and turn around and build something more successful than ever before?? So, if you meet them on the way down, are they losers, or is it simply bad timing?? And who is really the loser?? The poseur or the person who fell on hard times??

Due to the nature of our business as well as intensive travel, I have learned over the years NOT to judge anything on first impressions, as they are wildly inaccurate. The well dressed, well coiffed individual with the ‘right’ car, ‘right address’, may be hugely in debt, but the person in the older clothes, driving a 10 year old car, living in a smaller house in a modest neighbourhood may be incredibly wealthy. Think Warren Buffet of Berkshire Hathaway. Billionaire. Old car, bad clothes, small, modest house.

For years we have been told endlessly that ‘clothes make the man/woman” but too flashy often denotes insecurity and poverty. If you are truly successful, you do not require your clothes to make a statement for you.

MORAL JUDGEMENT

People are often judged by their jobs, like it or not. Taxi driver, janitor, …. How many lawyers have put themselves through law school working as strippers or waitresses?? At the time, they are judged by those who ‘hold their noses in moral judgement’ and are treated as prostitutes, whether or not they are actually performing the service. But, who is more honest?? The woman who only sleeps with fabulously wealthy men in order to secure her financial future or the stripper?? ( if you think you may be reading between the lines, think of a highly publicized US stripper…..just saying!!!)) sorry, I actually vote for the stripper.

UNPLEASANT COUNTENANCE

Someone is introduced to you with a snarl on their face. Are they actually unpleasant or just being forced into an unwanted situation??

BIG COSMOPOLITAN CITIES

Yes, I actually have to include this. People who travel extensively and live in large cosmopolitan cities tend to be more open minded and inclusive than those from small isolated towns where everyone is the same and have known each other since they were born….

SOMETHING TO GAIN

Unfortunately, some individuals show many different faces, and this issue is huge. The premise being their innate kindness and generosity which is given only to those they consider to be of ‘value’, anyone they judge to be socially inferior or competition to whatever their cause, are dispensed with in an utterly ruthless fashion. Do NOT attempt to explain this phenomenon to the recipient of their largess, as not only will it fall on very deaf ears, but you will come off as the ‘bad guy. How could this marvelous person ever do something nasty?? They are so…..add adjective….. but to others, they are NOT.

SO, what is the point of all this??

Depending on our life experiences, narrow or open mindedness, our perceptions can be skewered.
Are you having a bad day?? Good day?
Feeling unwell?
Happy?
Sad?
Take a step backwards in your head, appraise the situation , your feelings, logical or not, and evaluate.

If I perceive that any of the above are a likelihood, I actually do something unique. I REFERENCE my subject, and as women are extremely harsh on one another, I try to do a cross section, men and women, and people who have no reason but to give their honest opinion.
The responses have been unexpected and extraordinary. Some wildly entertaining, some horrifying.

Remember, FIRST IMPRESSIONS are wrong…….

Business, Communication, Consideration, Impressions, Integrity, Listening, Quality, Social Networking, Socialites

WHO are you??

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Perception is everything, or is it??
Do you really know who someone truly is??

Some people are awesome at self-promotion, to the extent that they will engage the services of a PR to develop their ‘brand’ or public personae, and it is amazing just who pays for it. There are innumerable socialites and business people who pay for the proper introductions, and invitations to sparkly events so they can meet the ‘right’ people.

Different people may perceive the same person in totally different ways, one may be excited to be their ‘friend’ , in newspeak, ‘honoured’ to be their acquaintance, when another may see them as a total fraud. Who is right??
Obviously, there is context, as well as personal experience and judgement.
Add to that, the fact that some view the world through pink lenses, and always believe what they are told. So, if they were introduced to someone and told the individual is super successful, the new associate will obviously identify with them in a positive manner.
Issues include context, social, business, timing, physical chemistry, jealousy, as well as something as simple as having a good or bad day. Some people are gullible, and are totally swayed by those who are able self promoters, they truly WANT to believe. The art of self-aggrandizement, particularly today with the volume and nature of social media, as well as many people feeling socially inferior, are apt to grasp on to the person who appears to have a large, fabulous life, as they hope that, by extension, they will be a part of it.
The question which must be asked is, how much is real?? Are you a follower, a believer or a doubter??
Admittedly, I am a doubter, If something or someone appears too good to be true, and I have never either heard of them, or been under a totally different perception, I tend to investigate to establish whether my perceptions and at times physical reaction to someone is accurate.
I know for a fact that I am the epitome of the wrong first impression, most women who judge me and know nothing about me are virtually ALWAYS wrong, and I mean TOTALLY wrong, not just a little, and this is the basis point for this discussion.

The younger generation are obsessed with following movie stars and bloggers and their perceived ‘fabulous lives’, but how much is true?? We know that you can actually BUY friends and ‘clicks’ today, so, do they really have 1 million followers, or is it really 50,000 and a lot of buying power??
If you are trying to associate with someone simply because you believe them to be successful, shouldn’t you ask the question as to why they would actually want to associate with YOU??? What is it they are seeking? Friends?? Sycophants?? Or is it more of the façade……? Do they feel so insecure that they need to have someone with them at all times??

Actions speak louder than words, so follow the actions and not the rhetoric. The reality may be far from what you perceive……….

Communication, Impressions, Quality

Happiness

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Does it exist anymore??
Do people still understand joy?
Uncontrollable laughter?
Doing things which are kind, positive, generous, with no expectations?
Being nonsensical?

Today’s political correctness enables a terrible fear to express joy and imagination.

In England, being ‘eccentric’ is virtually a badge of honour, it defines an individual free of social binds, and a willingness to follow one’s own path.
Walk on any major street in London, or go to the street markets, and see the most incredible outfits, exhibited with utter freedom.
Go to the Royal Enclosure at Ascot on Ladies’ Day, and witness the most extraordinary hats and a spectacular fashion parade. Photographers from all over the world congregate to photograph the spectacle, and the fun people are having.
Total freedom from criticism and judgement. Freedom to be creative and happy and act it out.

When did you last experience true bliss??

Go to a trendy restaurant, a social event, look around and see how many people are actually having fun, laughing, being free. Having actual conversations, looking at one another, giggling , but not at the expense of others.

Everyone takes life so seriously, they forgotten the concept of happiness, laughter, joy. Everything is all about image, prestige, power, or the perception of same, instead of actually going to an event to enjoy the experience and the company of those around them, actually enjoying the moment.

When is the last time you did something to give joy to another person?
To make them laugh?
Feel important?
Smiled at a stranger?
Did something kind for a stranger and not expecting anything in return, or expecting bragging rights?
Had a conversation with someone and made THEM feel important?
Not being cruel, selfish.

Try and make someone happy today. It is extremely contagious.

Business, Consideration, Impressions, Integrity, Quality

Customer Appreciation

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If you are a regular reader of this BLOG, you will know that I tend to be all over the place, and visit an astounding cross section of shops and restaurants from some of the most exquisite in the world to absolute dumps, and everything in between, including Hawker Stalls where one stands in public to eat. Absolutely NOT what I was brought up to do, however in between an abundance of Chinese friends and a Japanese husband, one enhances one’s life experiences appropriately, and obviously with a sense of adventure.

YES, I have eaten in some incredibly exquisite places, the most notable being in a Restaurant in a Private Home in Japan. It was a massive traditional Japanese structure dating back over 500 years, obviously Tatami, where the entire second floor of the house has actually been a restaurant for over 500 years. This is one of the many secrets one discovers travelling throughout Asia, as there is no way an outsider could know this exists. No advertising, ever. Simply upon personal recommendation.

The huge antique lacquer table was incredible, the lacquer hand rubbed to a brilliant gloss. The art work in the alcove and throughout, of museum quality, and as is traditional with fine Japanese dining, the dishes were all antique, appropriate to the season, as was the food which was presented. Each changed with each of the 18??? Courses which were served over a period of several hours. Everything was absolutely delicious. A total feast for all the senses.

It was difficult to be elegant and discreet however, when my brother in law started peeling off 100, 000 Yen notes endlessly, I absolutely shudder to think what this cost, but it was in the thousands of dollars. An opportunity of a lifetime. It was an amazing experience from start to finish.

From London to Paris, Amsterdam to Monte Carlo, Tokyo and Hong Kong, I have been fortunate in my life to experience some of the best dining there is to be had. Concurrently, eating in Asian Restaurants where the majority of my white friends would not EVER set foot.

The best Hawker Stalls, undoubtedly in Singapore. Government regulated, no worry about the possibility of getting sick, and the choices are endless. Singapore is a wonderfully diverse place, so there is everything from Thai to Indonesian, Chinese, Indian, and more. ….incredible fresh fruit treats from the tastiest freshest fruits ever, smoothies and freshly made ice creams, and fabulous Asian desserts…….

With the New Year, comes the closing of several well known shops and restaurants. One of which was extraordinarily disappointing as I have known the owner since he arrived from Japan. No notice whatsoever to any regular customers or friends. Just a public notice to announce that they have closed, and thank you. It would have been fitting to contact people such as myself who brought them a constant stream of new clients to advise us so that we could come one or two more times before it closed, but it was not to be.
A Chinese Restaurant in Chinatown which used to be my ‘go to’ spot, gone, but admittedly I have not gone there for years as the waiters became rude and arrogant, as they say, familiarity breeds contempt.
A bakery which was part of Westmount’s landscape, and a meeting place, closed surreptitiously, not surprisingly however, as the staff were arrogant and refused to speak English to the clients. The store across the street increasingly stocking a cornucopia of breads and cakes for significantly less cost, and slowly rendering them redundant.

With the closing of my favourite Dim Sum Restaurant in Chinatown a few years ago, I was excited to learn about a new restaurant, so I visited a new Dim Sum Restaurant in Chinatown this week, touted as typical Hong Kong, and it was certainly not the case. Having stuffed my face all over Hong Kong and Kowloon, it fell seriously short in presentation and taste. The food was served luke warm, mediocre in taste, and it was not overly friendly.The head waitress made 2 condescending remarks to me which were highly inappropriate. The first was to bring me tea and make a point of stressing that it is free in Chinese Restaurants. Then, after seeing me eat using Chopsticks and a bowl, NOT A FORK AND PLATE, stopped by to make another condescending comment about whether or not this was the first time I was eating Dim Sum. Seriously??? I have been eating real Chinese Food for twice as long as her, and arguably in more Chinese Restaurants in Chinatowns all over the world.
To make matters worse, they have been spamming me endlessly on Facebook, and none of the dishes even vaguely resembled what they presented on line.
NO, I will not go back.

Several other major closings of restaurants and shops which have been around for a while and quietly disappeared just after the holidays. Is it that the new generation are fickle?? Well, that is one explanation, as they tend to follow whatever trend or spot which is trending on social media, or is it simply that NONE of them have the vaguest concept of CUSTOMER RECOGNITION??

During the same period I visited a high end shop mid week to look for a very particular new belt. I was seeking a particular shade of pink. Sorry to disappoint, but every year or so it is obvious that I am a chick!!! And Pink it is!! I have been chasing this elusive belt for a few years, and had hard cash in my pocket. Do you know how HARD it is to spend your money?? In 3 high end boutiques I was totally ignored while the staff pretended to be busy. Did I mention I was the ONLY client??? Yes. Just moi. So in each case, I looked around and walked out. In the most expensive of the group I was actually acknowledged by the Assistant Manager who told me he continues to seek a pink or purple belt for me, but so far, no joy. Only boring, traditional colours, brown, black……

So, out of frustration, I returned to one of the other boutiques where I had been ignored to be finally served, and advised that the belt on the counter was the only one in my size. The lady actually went into the back-store to check, and let me know there was nothing. They were waiting for the new shipment. So, this elegant,, polite, French (read from France) lady made a sale. The original shop clerk who had ignored me hovered in the background. Did she EVER acknowledge me during my first visit?? Absolutely not.

It is easy to blame technology and the disruption it is causing in a rapidly evolving world, but whatever happened to doing something simple like actually THANKING your long term customers and show some sign of appreciation?? The ones which survive have learned that you can’t always just take, take, take, and sometimes just a small token of appreciation goes a long way.
If you NEVER thank people for being faithful long term clients, at some point they will take their custom and drift away, no advanced technology required. Just 2 words:

THANK YOU.

Business, Communication, Consideration, Impressions, Integrity, Quality, Relationships

On Cruelty

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We live in strange times, this has been said repeatedly over the centuries, unfortunately we appear to have reached the apex in disgraceful behaviour.

Gone are the days of civility, or any soupcon of decency, just pure unadulterated arrogance and utter cruelty. The concepts of consideration and good manners are treated with contempt. Those who are mind-numbingly rude and pushy, and constantly bragging about themselves are treated with awe, they must be truly AMAZING to be able to behave like that.

When bad manners are given nomenclatures such as ‘ghosting’ you know there is a serious problem in society.
Total strangers post cruel cutting comments on Facebook, insulting those opinions which vary from their own.
Bullying both on line and in person have reached absolutely catastrophic levels, as has the levels of youth suicide.

People decide to humiliate and insult others thinking they are somehow the ‘cool kids’ regardless of the pain they may cause others, but worse, they actually brag about it. The sad thing, is they usually know absolutely NOTHING about the person they are humiliating.

Clearly I grew up in a gentler more civil environment. Good manners and respect for others being forefront in one’s comportment.

Making a large number of friends within the Asian Community brought a further understanding of such concepts as ‘Honour’ and ‘Face’, simply and extension of previous learnings.

On Friday I was in a grocery store in the north end of the city, and asked a gentleman for assistance. He turned to look at me, and I saw his face was severely disfigured, probably from fire. He was extraordinarily shy. He explained he would have to go into the basement of the store to find my mushrooms, and it could take 5 minutes, and I assured him I would not move from my current spot. Several minutes later he emerged with an enormous box of fresh Portobello mushrooms, newly wrapped and boxed. I thanked him and wished him a wonderful New Year. He grasped my hand and wished me the same, with a huge smile on his face, and clearly wanting to continue speaking with me, so I chatted with him for a couple of minutes, then paid and left. It was only while I was driving away that I realized I was probably the only person who had treated him with dignity.

People cut each other off on the road in dangerous conditions for no apparent reason than being utterly inconsiderate of the lives and safety of others. They cut into lines, treat servers in stores and restaurants like trash – no wonder it is so difficult to be served politely – when people feel a sense of entitlement and rage at everyone within earshot for no apparent reason.

The arrogance, self-aggrandising and just plain nastiness abounds, and it is inflicted upon anyone close by who have absolutely NO IDEA why they are being targeted. Unfortunately this creates an angry society, where it becomes ‘ every man for himself ‘ . Gestures of generosity must be public not private as well, with the appropriate ‘look at me, I am generous and giving back’ whatever that is supposed to mean, as all they ever do is take.
The number of people they destroy along the way is inconsequential. Ironically, some of those so-called generous people are not giving of their own wealth, but that of others. There are numerous events where the so-called organizers and fame seekers are actually earning as much as 15% of the money they raise, then seeking public acknowledgement of their generosity.
Unknowingly, all the volunteers work for free, pay for their own tickets to the events, and are contributing to the pockets and fame of the person who is gaining the most.

I can not comprehend the level of cruelty that some individuals are bestowing upon others, and the fact that it somehow gives them some sense of power. If the person they have harmed is a total stranger, I fail to understand how they can bask in all this perceived sense of power, when all they did is offend and damage a total stranger for no apparent reason.

Perhaps the concept of humility is missing from their DNA.
How many suicides will it take for parents to discipline their children against bullying?? It is currently at crisis level… Men are teaching their sons to be ‘MEN’ and women are teaching their daughters to be ‘LEADERS’, however this sense of entitlement is being translated into cruelty, as they are not teaching the concept of decency and consideration of others.

Teachers are allowing students to call them by their first names, further eroding their position of authority, so how can they teach them respect for others??

Clerks in shops are being allowed to treat customers with utter disrespect because no one is monitoring their bad behaviour.

We need to go back to basics and teach respect, manners and consideration of others.

Living one’s life with decency and dignity is..

NOT shaming others
NOT being cruel
NOT being a liar
NOT taking amusement from the pain and suffering of others
NOT speaking down or shouting down of others when they voice an opinion
NOT interrupting others

Look around you, how many people do you actually know who are living by these rules??

Do you consider them weak or polite??

Think hard about the answer……..it says a lot about who you are………

Communication, Consideration, Impressions, Listening, Quality

Happy New Year!!

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Life is a constant game of checks and balances, as well as perceptions, which vary depending on our life experience.

This BLOG is a RANT, and as such can be perceived by some as negative, feeding back into the endless debate over whether the glass is half full or half empty.

I have suggested to those who are offended, mostly because they see themselves in my comments, that they are welcome to abstain from reading it, as THEIR negativity is not welcome.

There are many followers however who view it as a sanity check – their own – in a world gone mad.

In my daily life I speak to and meet an extraordinary cross section of the population, every colour, shape, size and walk of life. From Billionaires to shop clerks and everything in between. In business I meet extremely well educated individuals from every corner of the globe, and in doing so, I find myself in every corner of the city as well meeting with people, so it is NOT the view from an armchair, but of living life.
You might try it sometime.

If there is one thing that I have learned, it is that EVERYONE has something to share.

From the Doorman who speaks 5 languages fluently, is dressed in designer clothes straight from the pages of GQ, is worth millions, and holidays in St Bart’s and Japan.
The coffee stall owner in a London Street Market who is now worth millions, but arrived penniless.
The Philippino Engineer whose father risked his life so his children could come to Canada for an education and a better life.

The list is endless. The difference is that I actually SPEAK with people, hear their stories, look into their hearts and their eyes.

Try meeting some of them, they are all extraordinary in their own way.

Happy New Year!!

Business, Consideration, Impressions

Things are never quite as they seem

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Everyone has an opinion, and as a young woman, I unfortunately had to endure listening endlessly to people’s comments on how I should live my life.

I should be a Lady, I should marry a rich man and have children, I shouldn’t be aggressive, I shouldn’t start a business, I shouldn’t travel on my own, I shouldn’t buy a car, essentially, I should do what I am told like a good little mindless girl.

Well, sorry to disappoint, but I never listened to any of you, and quietly went about living an extraordinary life.
While all the self professed ‘experts’ went about living their boring lives, I am thrilled to say I did the exact opposite.

A small handful of people actually know what I have done and where I have been, but the number is very few. The rest gossip viciously behind my back knowing absolutely nothing about me.

Yes, I know what you say.
Yes, I know who you are.

Most people do, we are not as ignorant as the haters think we are.

Like many of the people I meet in business and around the world, I am the epitome of the wrong first impression.
There are numerous blogs on this subject.

Wondering where this is going??!!!??

Over the last few days I have been going over years of files of ‘Competitive Analysis” , information garnered and collected over many years.
I am a serious information junkie.

When I started my Company as a young woman, I was the only one in the city to have a High End IT Consulting Firm, and oh, the insults. There were so few women in the industry, and most of those who were, essentially were data entry clerks.

I was not only technical, but visionary, and bilingual.

Looking at the application of technology to solve business problems, and actually doing it.

Fast forward, little has changed.

In going through years and years of Corporate files, something absolutely terrifying emerged. The ‘Little Girl” who should have been home having children, survived literally thousands of companies which no longer exist. Some of them enormous multinationals. Think about some of them, Northern Telecom, Montreal Trust, Netscape, Systemhouse, Consolidated Bathurst, Celanese, DMR, LGS, Digital Equipment, Tandem, the list is endless.

So, THANK YOU to all of you who doubted me. Your insults and negativity drove me.

And the reason for this blog??!!!

To hopefully encourage someone else to follow their dreams and ignore the naysayers.
Be incredible, be imaginative, be the next Steve Jobs !! Be amazing!

Business, Communication, Impressions, Integrity, Quality

Trust me – I’m Honest!!!

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If you have to say it, then it is probably not true…
This BLOG is to describe the epitome of double standards…….and yes, I am saying all the things out loud that are usually whispered……..

Have you ever called a second hand book seller? First words out of their mouths, ‘bring the box to me and leave it, so we can look at it and make a decision’….seriously!?!??
Let me understand, you want me to drop off 100 undocumented books, not be given a receipt, and TRUST you to pay me???
Would you EVER allow me to leave your shop with one unpaid book?? I think not.

In the endless clean out of my offices and house, I have uncovered some of the most unpleasant, dishonest, and condescending shop keepers in the city.
Unfortunately, I know I am not the only one to have experienced this unpleasantness, but I am the one exposing the practice.

The used record & CD shops, book sellers, antique shops, high end Vintage Clothing shops, Vintage jewellery, ….where does it end??!

Local art gallery?? …… horrific.

In that particular case, I was trying to help promote an amazing young artist to exhibit his works. Thankfully the gallerist stood me up and never returned my calls.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

Same gallerist is being pursued by artists who she has not paid, and will neither return their calls nor their works. I am SO THANKFUL she stood me up, as I would feel dreadful having given her this gentleman’s works.

Is there no honour among thieves??!!

From high end Vintage Consignment shops who try to convince unsuspecting consignors to ‘’just drop off your bags of goods so we can inspect them’, then claiming they were never received, to saying that articles were sold for a fraction of their true sale price, to, my absolute favourite, claiming to have given my high end designer clothes to charity. In conversations with innumerable others who unfortunately had the same experience, it emerged that the clothes are labeled, stored in the shop’s basement, only to be put back out for sale months later as belonging to the shop owner. Cute trick.

Problem is, people talk, and we ALL know who you are.

Then, of course, are the high end antique shops. One smooth operator would take his unsuspecting female consignors out for a ‘nice lunch’ gossip endlessly over too numerous glasses of wine, and conveniently never give them a consignment sheet. No proof, no cash.
The number of fleeced consignors escalated to a point so extreme, the dealer in question moved shop a couple of times and subsequently left the city. I must know a dozen of the denizens he fleeced, all far too embarrassed and humiliated to come forward publicly.

One of the female consignors however, did have a receipt, and was not about to allow it, so she actually stalked him, waiting outside his hidden second floor gallery to see when he arrived, then calling to see if he would answer and acknowledge he was there. Each time she confronted him, each time she was not paid. He used soo many excuses it was extraordinary, “I have to pay tax, I have a meeting, someone is waiting for me in the car, I don’t feel well…..”
The last time she went, she was not alone, and told him they would detain him if he did not pay her, and they would call the police.
He finally wrote the check, grudgingly.

Another of the so-called most reputable high end antique dealers came to my house to look at certain articles I was seeking to sell. He offered me LESS than 10 cents on the dollar for period antiques and French Bronzeworks.
He had forgotten that I had been in his shop numerous times and taken photographs of items he had for sale, in many cases, not as good as my possessions. Once again, endless excuses for his transgressions……..”he has to earn a living, he has overhead costs, and on it went..”
I found it truly offensive, particularly after seeing his retail prices and his lack of willingness to negotiate prices. I told him so as I was escorting him to the door, and out he went, complaining vigorously, that he really wanted to purchase all my French Bronze curtain pieces…he truly could NOT comprehend why I unceremoniously threw him out.
I promised him that for every dollar he tried to steal from me, I would make him lose 10, and I assure you I have done precisely that. Anyone who asks me about his shop will be told about his intense greed and lack of ethics.
When one friend was contemplating making a purchase from him, I suggested offering 10 cents on the dollar, given that is what he pays!!! Apparently the negotiations did not go so well!!!

High end Vintage Jewellery??? Same problem.
Visit the shop and be told how exclusive, how valuable, how original, how fabulous the piece is.
Try to sell it?? All of a sudden it is only worth the value of scrap metal.

One friend told me to treat jewellery like shoes. Wear it to death, and do not care if it carries any value.
Great advice!!
Wish I had been given it much earlier……..

Buying is easy, selling the goods that you have been oversold is not.

So, be smart, be wise. Make sure you know who you are dealing with. Do references, then do more.
Make your purchase understanding that you may never be able to resell it.
So Love it, Use it, and pass it on……..

charities, Consideration, Impressions, Integrity

Gimme, Gimme, Gimme….

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The ‘GUILT” season is now upon us with a vengeance.
Our doorbell has rung twice today with people asking for money for some fake charity.

Just over 2 months to Christmas and the onslaught of extended hands is already obscene.

In the space of one week, solicitations for refugees, women’s center’s, the police pension fund, emails, calls, Facebook, in person, at the door, at the cash.
This week yielded close to 20 solicitations, and apparently it is MY OBLIGATION to contribute. Some of the approaches are insultingly condescending, others offensive, the panhandler running after you on the street and screaming insults because you are ‘rich’.

In the past, I worked for more charities than I care to name, and donated to everything from Cancer, Ballet, various Museums, Political Parties, and much, much more.

In stepping back, what strikes me is that no matter how generous you are, it is never enough. And if the endless charities, foundations and institutions didn’t pay themselves such luxurious salaries and perquisites, perhaps we would not be solicited to such an extent, but people are greedy, and enough is never enough.
Unfortunately, problems do not go away. There is always another world crisis, disease, something.

In giving to one, your name is unceremoniously sold to others, without your consent, and you are solicited even more.

But that is not the end of it. …. Now come the solicitations from the so-called friends, and they have also multiplied out of proportion.

Real Estate Agents who send you house listings asking for help, help this person, she is down on her luck, give money for this sick child, give money to send someone’s child on a class trip, give money so I can travel and take photographs for my next book…….WOW….that one was something else…….buy my sheets, photos, books, come to my fundraiser and GIVE, GIVE, GIVE….

The number of panhandlers has multiplied exponentially as there is no legislation to control them, and some of them are truly frightening, coming up to the window of your car when you are stuck in between cars at a red light and pounding on the window….no where to go…..

Grocery stores and other retailers are also soliciting endlessly, for this crisis, school project, school trip, uniforms for the sports team, scouts, cadets, always someone grabbing your groceries to pack them, ALWAYS BADLY, and expecting a donation.
BTW, eggs or bananas do NOT go on the bottom of the bag……and then there is the nagging offer to add a contribution to this week’s charity on your grocery bill directly.

STOP!!!

NO, I am NOT grumpy, I am OFFENDED beyond belief.

If it is just over 2 months to Christmas, and I have been solicited 20, yes, 20, twenty, times this week, it is just the beginning. So , NO MORE, the answer is NO.

I will decide if and when and to whom, should I wish to donate.

The more I am solicited and insulted, the less likely I will every give to anyone. It is NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY.

If you felt it was only you being harassed, think again. It has become ugly.

Ahhhh, that feels wonderful!!

I feel more relaxed already….!!!

Business, Communication, Consideration, Impressions, Integrity, Relationships

Civility and Dignity, rapidly disappearing…..

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There is an escalating breakdown in civility and the treatment of others with dignity.

Everyone is in such a hurry to show the world just how UNIMPORTANT they are, no, NOT a typo, extraordinarily bad manners really show the extraordinarily bad manners exhibited by certain people.

In meetings and speaking with a myriad of people from all walks of life, certain disturbing trends in bad behaviour increasingly come to the forefront of conversation.

One actually wonders if there are any corporations monitoring the day to day behaviour of their employees? I am not speaking of call centers where all calls are recorded, but of daily interactions. Methinks not.

From shops with surly cashiers not only refusing to speak to clients in their own language, but actually INSULTING them to their face, assuming (perfect usage of the word!!) they do not understand, to restaurant employees being so discourteous as to actually laugh in the face of their customers, also, assuming they do not understand….in this case, a Chinese restaurant, with the waiters speaking Cantonese, and forgetting the white Gweilo female customer just spoke to them in Cantonese, or the fact that the other white female is the one who invited a group into the same restaurant ……remember ?? she is the one who will decide the tip!!

The bad behaviour in this restaurant towards white clients has escalated to a point where the waiters often laugh at the clients in their face, and laugh at them using chopsticks.
Have they forgotten these white clients tip double what Chinese clients do??? To be insulted???!!!!!

Have they forgotten just how quickly word gets around these days?? In the blink of an eye in the digital world, everything can change.

Representing companies today in any type of marketing role has become an invitation to be insulted.
Ring up certain individuals today, complete with proper introduction, and be screamed at, and have them hang up on you.

Or, after a polite call, complete with referral, have the individual …get this….aspiring to an open VP position within his company, call back, speak for a couple of minutes, give the name and phone number of his secretary to set up a meeting.
Call the secretary, book the meeting, send a follow up note to the aspiring VP and an Invitation to the meeting as requested.

Turn up for the meeting, after spending 2 hours in traffic crossing the entire city, wait over 40 minutes, only to have an arrogant secretary come down to say that the aspiring VP never heard of the individual, never spoke to them, and is a VERY BUSY IMPORTANT MAN!!

But wait a minute!! He GAVE THE NAME AND PHONE NUMBER OF HIS SECRETARY TO SET UP THE MEETING!!!

Call back to set up a new meeting, no apology from anyone, be told by the arrogant secretary that the aspiring VP has no recollection, and mention AGAIN that he was the one who provided her contact information.

As per the request of the secretary, send off digital proof of the phone calls, emails and invitation only to receive a rude email that the aspiring VP is not looking for any new suppliers. SO why book the meeting in the first place???

SO, he made someone lose an entire day in traffic, lost revenue, cost of travel, and instead of being gracious and APOLOGIZING, slams the door in their face. HUH???

I ask you, what does that say??……..in my mind, he is probably dirty, or just so arrogant he does not think anyone will hear about it……guess what??!! …They already have, and once this BLOG goes live, others may wonder…..

Or, help a senior individual who has been unemployed for months, with his terrible resume, only to have him send it all over on his own, and never return the new finished product. Well, the Executive Position for which he was interviewed is now totally beyond his reach, as his dishonesty ensured that we will not represent him. To answer your question, the position pays more than he has ever earned. He will NEVER know who the client is, and he is STILL unemployed….ah….shucks!!!

Or, another cutie, a certain individual sent their CV for a position in Sherbrooke, but lives in Montreal.
They were invited to come for an interview for a certain position.
Drove to Sherbrooke, 2 hours, lost a day’s work, were interviewed for a totally different position, shown the door with NO thank you for coming to see us, NOTHING.
Then the poor interviewee gets to drive back to Montreal in heavy traffic, another 2 hours lost, gas and car expenses.
No follow up on behalf of the rude company. Please someone, explain to me what that was all about?? Even if you did not like the person, can you not at least say THANK YOU for coming and losing your day???

Is this the new normal??

What happened to honesty, decency and civility??…what happened to treating people the way YOU wish to be treated……..
What happened to all this so called AUTHENTICITY??

Speaking to someone managing a retail store and hearing the horrors of what occurs in the dressing rooms is enough to make you lose your lunch.

What I find so extraordinary, is that ALL these offenders are simply EMPLOYEES, and can be fired at the pleasure of their employer. They are so arrogant, so contemptuous, so inconsiderate, one questions where this comes from.

It is time that corporations pay more attention to the behaviour WITHIN their walls, instead of blaming the changing business landscape. Bank cashiers, store cashiers, wait staff in restaurants, receptionists in Companies, lower level managers, all seem to think they are somehow allowed to behave in a rude, insulting fashion.
They all seem to forget that they do NOT OWN the companies.
The little fellow in the T shirt and sneakers may be a billionaire.
The Blond woman in jeans could be a company President.
Appearances today are EXTREMELY deceptive.

Been to Sears lately?? No need to wonder why they are going out of business. RUDE. RUDE. RUDE.

Bye …bye!!!

In Palm Beach Florida, on more than one occasion, someone has received absolutely awful treatment by someone in a shop or restaurant, and has turned around and purchased the business simply to have the pleasure of FIRING the people who were rude.

Today appearances ARE deceptive. My clients certainly are a great example of that.
The young man with a man bun, unshaven, in sneakers and jeans has a Master’s Degree, owns his own airplane, and is earning in excess of $300 US per year.
Totally shy, very sweet, and unassuming.

More than ever, the louder, flashier, and more outspoken the individual, the more likely they are broke.

Can you really afford to allow your staff to treat your suppliers and clients like trash?? In an increasingly competitive world where information travels in nanoseconds??

Open your eyes folks!!!