Category Archives: Consideration

The End of Elegance

Over the last number of years, we have witnessed a rapid decline in elegance, be it manners, dress code or living style.

Some of us remember dressing for dinner, cocktail parties, and the appropriate behaviour to go along with it. Proper polite introductions, and making guests feel welcome and included in conversations.

Spectacular table settings with elegant seating, magnificent linens, mind blowing flowers, spectacular silver, cutlery and tableware. Alternating between speaking to those on the right and left, then across the table. NO cellphoes. Remember those days??

Women for the most part, dressed appropriately, not with flouncy dresses and hooker shoes. Men wore elegant suits with crisp, white shirts, and fabulous silk ties……

In London, one continues to see formal dress codes, although today they are finally being relaxed a little. Women are increasingly wearing tuxedos and trouser suits, which noteably, I have been wearing for longer than I will admit to. Absolutely NO dresses for moi.

I recently had an interesting conversation with a friend about the lack of elegance. (yes, of course it is you!!!)… she always looks quietly elegant in a Black Yves St Laurent Suit, understated, elegant, and total simplicity.

Elegant dress and behaviour seem to be something of the past, and many of us truly miss it.

People sent ( In England, they still do…) crisp, engraved invitation cards with gold leaf borders in nice stiff envelopes. One sent back a proper RRSP card, and subsequently a Thank You card and thoughtful gift to the hostess. Over the years, I have attended some extraordinary events around the world, some with a Footman for each guest.

House decoration has experienced a similar decline, all white cheap furniture does not make for an inviting or comfortable home. Remember huge down sofas and pillows?? Thick carpets, spectacular art works, period furniture?? ….Linen and fine cotton sheets with fluffy down duvets??
Remember when table settings were breath taking?? Dollar store glasses and dishes do not really inspire…..

These days we see individuals who should know better, arrive at Vernissages in cut off pants, open toe sandals (vulgar at the best of times, this is NOT the beach) and Tshirts….. who on earth does this??

Women arrive dressed like tarts with decolletages down to the naval and hooker shoes…..do you REALLY think those tacky gladiator heels are elegant??

I was at an event a few months ago, when a Senior Partner of a Law firm arrived very late, unshaven, his clothes looked and smelled as though he had been sleeping in them, upon entering the room, his behaviour was breathtaking, pushing and shoving his way through the guests to speak with someone he deemed important. Eyes were rolling quietly at his ghastly behaviour. It did not improve.

If his personality and presence were even remotely sparkly, his conversation entertaining, it would be one thing, but he is a dour, humourless, arrogant man. Age has not been kind to him….his real personality is increasingly showing, and sweet is certainly not an adjective which is even remotely present in one’s mind to describe him……

These events are meant to be happy social gatherings, a modicum of enthusiasm and curtesy towards the attendees is expected. But then, once again, he arrived empty handed and scarfed his way through the food and alcohol being served.

Perhaps I am harsh, but I was not brought up to behave in such a callous, inconsiderate fashion.

The latest social demise appears to be Birthday celebrations. Apparently they are acceptable for children and no one else.
In the past they were celebrated with style, elegant, thoughtful gifts and cards chosen to please the recipient and often to entertain the guests.

Today, people turn up late, inappropriately dressed and empty handed. Somehow they are under the impression that their presence is sufficient.
Let me be patently CLEAR, it is NOT.
It is the height of bad behaviour, and complaining about the cost of gifts being too expensive when you are alternatively bragging about your most recent purchase is utterly classless.

To accept lovely gifts from others, and not reciprocate, take a moment and consider just how rude that is….

Last word on the subject, corner store flowers and wine, and dollar store items are not acceptable, ever.

A sad anecdote on the subject. I used to have a girlfriend who was extremely generous towards her friends, both in terms of throughtful beautiful gifts, but also generously entertaining them. Year after year I was the ONLY one attending her birthday parties who showered her with wonderful thoughtful gifts. On more than one occasion, at the end her birthday party, she would be in tears, simply not comprehending just how these women who claimed to be her ‘best friends’ could be so inherently selfish, arriving either empty handed or with only a cheap bottle of wine.
NO, none of them have financial constraints.

Vicious trolls onilne……

WHAT is with that???
Ruining someone’s reputation posting untruths which can’t be removed. I do not understand what is the point, or how one derives some pleasure from such cruelty.
Posting an endless barrage of insults and distruths about total strangers.
There is something inherently wrong with our society when someone has to hire a lawyer at great expense and inconvenience to protect one’s reputation from these ugly trolls.
The mere fact that there are now companies whose entire business is trying to remove hateful, inaccurate posts is inconceivable and totally disgraceful.

Table Hopping is another social no no that I simply can’t abide. It is the most disrespectful thing I have ever seen. Individuals who go to a restaurant with someone, then walk around holding court as if they own the place, shaking hands, speaking with people for more than simply a polite acknowledgement ,and speaking loudly all the while leaving their dinner partner(s) wondering why they are there at all. How someone can possibly think this behaviour makes them look important escapes me.

Clearly I am not the only one feeling this way, it is becoming a subject on the lips of more and more people.
Hopefully this trend will reverse and we will return to a more elegant, considerate way of living…..

What do YOU think??

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Living Through a Pandemic

As an observer of life, I find it fascinating that sometimes those making the loudest pronouncements and taking up the most space intellectually are actually the ones living the saddest lives.

In life, one makes certain key decisions as how one chooses to live their lives, and I made mine very early on, and followed my dream, mostly in silence. People I know would lose sight of me for weeks or months on end, my excuse for my absences was that I was working. That was certainly partly the case, and working in several cities simultaneously is a challenge, now, did I meet ‘x’ in Toronto or Chicago?? Yikes!!!

I have endured endless nasty gossip from women with too little to do with their sad little lives other than gossiping ruthlessly about people they know little or nothing about. The more I have heard of the gossip, the further away I ran…..

Living life well is the best revenge ,doing it on your own dime, even better…

One of the extraordinary gifts I have enjoyed is making amazing friends who are scattered around the world. As we are locked down in our homes we are seeing empty streets with a proliferation of wild animals wandering aimlessly about…..air less polluted, and quiet….

Taking the time to call some of these individuals has been wonderful, no one is in a hurry to go anywhere beyond the kitchen, and the ability to spend an hour on the phone with no disturbances has been brilliant!!!, but even better, the laughter has been incredible !!!

But there have been some less attractive observations, which is seeing certain people showing their true colours.

From cyberbullying on Facebook, to acting out like spoiled, pathetic children, showing a distinct lack of class or consideration for others. The refusal to wear a mask in public, and bragging about their unwillingness only shows their ignorance and selfishness, and willingness to put the lives of others at risk.

There are those who interrupt others and do not let them speak, behaving as though they are all knowing and all seeing. Sit back and think about it. They are showing who they REALLY are. The man who claims to be from an upper class British family, putting on airs and a fake English accent ,screaming people down when he does not agree with them, and throwing temper tantrums like a bratty 2 year old. No one from a decent family would EVER behave in such a disgraceful fashion…..
Then, to continue the thought, if he is from such an amazing background ,why is it that he has returned to Britain twice in the last 30 years, and stayed in horrid B & B’s instead of with relatives having homes in Knightsbridge, Holland Park or Mayfair????
Last thought on this dreadful person, is realizing that over the years I am unable to remember ever sharing a really good laugh. That is sad.

Quiet observation of several individuals who make the most pronouncements has shown that, for the most part, they do NOT live particularly well, have not travelled, and in fact, are extremely limited in enjoying a cross section of friends and acquaintances.

Many have expressed feelings of isolation, however, the last time I checked, the telephone actually works in more than one direction. So, they are miffed because WE don’t call them, but when is the last time that THEY actually reached out??? When did they make you laugh or give you any type of pleasure to result to you smiling uncontrollably??

So, who are your friends?? More importantly, who do you still wish to keep as friends?? Unless one is extremely insecure and needs to feel that there is always an entourage, are they really friends or simply taking up your time and space, and worse, risking your life to satisfy their insecurities???

The ability to sit back and look from the outside in gives one extraordinary clarity.

Highly recommended during these uncertain times…

Being safe and careful is far more important than having selfish, uncaring people around you. It is your LIFE.

Do these individuals bring you laughter?? Joy??

Having too much time on one’s hands allows for introspection, contemplation and evaluation …..one must be able to look at oneself coldly at the same time as evaluating others. A frightening thought, but certainly the opportunity for a serious awakening.

To my amazing friend in London who suggested some of the changes to this BLOG, thank you for MANY years of joy and laughter, have an incredible birthday and wishes for many, many more.

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CovIDIOTS on the Move…..

Try as I may, unfortunately there are certain subjects which are difficult to write in an amusing and entertaining fashion. Covid 19 is one of them.

I am astounded by the level of unconscionable arrogance and selfishness demonstrated by certain politicians and individuals which are about us.

This is NOT a joke. It is a world pandemic which has infected over 5 million people and killed over 330,000. The numbers are rising exponentially on a daily basis. People who know me well are aware that I am an ‘information junkie’ with a massive Canadian and International network of contacts, not to mention being an avid reader, easily consuming 10 magazines and books in a week when I am on a tear. There is a lot to process. Add to that a reasonable number of Medical Doctors around the world, and well, you get the picture.
The information is not amassed in an isolated fashion as I have also lived in multiple cities and countries and travelled extensively.

There are those pontificators who would have you believe everything they loudly expound, but the smart thing to do, like anything you read in public media, is to step back, and look at who they really are, how much they have travelled, and how large and diverse their networks.
In most cases, it is not so much. So, do you REALLY want to listen to them and risk your LIFE by listening to them? I think not.

Last weekend we celebrated Victoria Day in Canada, the US are celebrating Memorial Day this weekend.

Images are flooding television screens and Facebook feeds of tens of thousands of people all crammed together, no masks, no social distancing, no sense of danger, whatsoever. Just to be clear, wearing a mask is a sign of respect to yourself and others. Period.

Given the spread of microdroplets in the air, particularly in a breeze, they can spread well over 10 feet in seconds, with uncirculated air, they can linger in the air for 14 minutes after someone has spoken, coughed or sneezed.
MINUTES, not seconds, just to reiterate.

Unfortunately I actually know some of the guilty parties. People who have been out socializing in groups then getting together in private homes for cocktails.
One arrogant wag actually posted “ F it, I want to go out and see my friends and hug them….”
Her so-called loving hugs can bring someone an excrutiating death. If there ever was a time to reconsider your friends, this is it.
Clearly I will not be having anything to do with her, ever. That total lack of insensivity towards the security of others is not something I wish to experience.

We have neighbours with children who are NEVER home. They are constantly coming and going to visit with others.
Others have children riding bicycles like hooligans with crowds of others screaming and creating havoc. WHERE are their parents??? And just WHAT are they thinking??

I guess they have all conveniently forgotten why their children are not in school and they are not at their jobs……

As much as being prisoners in our own home is not something we relish, being alive and healthy and together is something we relish a LOT. We are trying to approach it with a sense of adventure and a sense of humour. From Friday Night ‘Date Night’ to working outside and getting much needed sunshine and natural Vitamin D, we are making our home look pretty. We both cook in totally different styles, so the other thing we do is pretend we are going out to dinner. Last night we went to ‘Chinatown’ for noodle soup. Yes, in our dining room, no, we did not go anywhere near a restaurant. But it was absolutely delicious.

The other thing we do is call our friends around the world to say hello. People feel loved and not so totally isolated as they self quarantine, as well as knowing they are not alone in doing the ‘right thing’.

Although there are those who avoid Social Media such as Facebook, it is an extraordinary tool to stay in touch with friends in far flung parts of the world.
They really do appreciate it when you reach out to them.

There have been some unfortunate observations, and that is the utter arrogance and selfishness of the young, and it can unfortunately be directly attributed to their parents. Many individuals grew up with extremely strict parents, and swore they would not treat their own children in that fashion. We are now living the reprecussions of them never having overly disciplined their children. Their offspring are selfish, rude, and have never experienced any type of hardship. They have been coddled and protected from anything remotely unpleasant, and repeatedly told just how ‘special’ they are, even if they are not.
The lack of manners and discipline is awful, consequently, the concept of self isolating, social distancing, and considering the safety of others before themselves is a foreign concept, and they are handling it VERY badly. When their entire lives have been about their being special, their image, their so-called fabulous lives, what to do when you are isolated at home with very bad hair, a bad complexion, and unable to take awesome selfies?? Unable to go out with their ‘posse’…!! Oh horror or horrors!!!

All of a sudden, they are confronted with the concept of being forced to consider the safety and lives of others. This is NOT an easy thing to do when you have never done it before. Putting the safety of others FIRST, being told to self-isolate, to protect the lives of others, self distance, and OH MY……wear a mask…….IN PUBLIC…..such a foreign concept…

Unfortunately as the weekend comes to a close, we hear of escalating rates of infection and death in Quebec, Ontario, throughout the US, Brazil and Mexico…..

The same weekend filled with images on beaches, protesting in huge crowds, shopping in malls, all in close proximity to one another, all with NO MASKS, and no social distancing.

Covid 19 is an equal opportunity killer. It does not care a whit about your religion, your age, your sex, your position in life….or lack thereof.

Do the right thing, wash your hands, your body, your hair, shave your face, wash your clothes, your shoes…….keep 6-10 feet from others. Leave your filthy handbag at home. Clean your mobile phone. ….If you feel remotely unwell, STAY HOME. Ask someone to check in on you by telepone. Do NOT risk the lives of others by going out due to your selfishness.

Just a thought, could you live your life knowing you were responsible for the death of your close relative or best friend??

Think about it.

Be smart.

Be Safe.

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And then the World Stood Still

This is an extraordinary moment in time which will forever be etched in the memories of the entire population of the world. It is inconceivable that in the space of one week over 6 BILLION people across the planet simultaneously locked themselves in their homes with but a slight warning from some so-called world leaders.

The world came to a silent and abrupt halt.

Bustling streets around the world normally filled with people became instantly empty, videos taken by the brave, and by drones flying overhead bear witness to the odd seagull seeking lunch at his favourite restaurant and questioning the absence of food and humans.

‘But WHERE are my French Fries.???.” he asks quizzically…unused to the void of humans and potential food…..

It is extraordinary to see scenes of major international cities such as New York,, Paris, London, Rome, Milan devoid of human presence, and the silent return of wildlife, wandering around world monuments with no fear of human threat…..

We are fortunate that some internationally renown medical specialists stepped up to calmly explain a pandemic in simplistic terms to try to calm an otherwise terrified world.
This is the time when we truly see both the good and the bad of humanity. The medical and emergency professionals risking their own lives every moment of every day to try and save lives, at the same time as some truly arrogant politicians behaving in unconscionable ways trying to deflect and blame others for the crisis. Deaths spiraling out of control due to lies and gross incompetence, others stepping up ,speaking in measured, calm, logical words to try to explain something unexplainable.

We have heard of 6 degrees of separation, but unfortunately it is more like 10 feet of separation, as studies have proven that micro droplets travel much farther than previously believed.

As a long time student of human behaviour, I must admit to being speechless at some of the arrogant, selfish, ignorant behaviour I see around me. Neighbours with children who are clearly home from school for a reason, totally defying the rules of self isolation and separation. Some of them out socializing every day, large groups of children playing outside, their parents at home, not thinking of the risks they are putting on their children and themselves. One person can infect 1000.

People in shops and on the street unwilling to distance themselves from others, and when confronted, becoming belligerent and publicly insulting those who politely request that they step back….

This is NOT a joke.

This virus does not see age, race ,colour, socio-economic situation ……it is ruthless and will attack and kill anyone and everyone it encounters.

My small contribution is my ability to collect and collate information from around the world, and to distribute it first to my Doctor friends around the world and to my friends and acquaintances…If by providing information I can save and protect lives, then I have been successful….

So, PLEASE..don’t be selfish,

STAY HOME.

If you go out, COVER your mouth and nose.

Stay 10 feet away from others.

WASH your hands a LOT.

Wash your shoes and purchases when you arrive home.

Reach out to your friends by telephone, NOT by text and email….it is NOT the same.

SLEEP, READ, catch up on projects, and mostly

STAY ALIVE.

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COVID-19 and the Rise of the CovIDIOT

I have a great number of friends who are medical doctors, and are putting their lives on the line for us EVERY DAY, and they are absolutely TERRIFIED.

They do not have anywhere close to sufficient self protection masks and gowns…

There is NO VACCINE

There is NO CURE

This is NOT A JOKE

Yes, I am incredibly selfish….but in a good way……..i want my friends to live long happy lives, I care about them deeply.

So, how about YOU STOP being SELFISH and DO YOUR PART…..

STAY HOME

SELF ISOLATE

WASH

WASH again

WASH EVERYTHING

Practice SOCIAL DISTANCING

Maybe we will all be alive to laugh about this some time in the future……

That is the only thing we can hope for…..

I have a great number of friends who are medical doctors, and are putting their lives on the line for us EVERY DAY, and they are absolutely TERRIFIED.

They do not have anywhere close to sufficient self protection masks and gowns…

There is NO VACCINE

There is NO CURE

This is NOT A JOKE

Yes, I am incredibly selfish….but in a good way……..i want my friends to live long happy lives, I care about them deeply.

So, how about YOU STOP being SELFISH and DO YOUR PART…..

STAY HOME

SELF ISOLATE

WASH

WASH again

WASH EVERYTHING

Practice SOCIAL DISTANCING

Maybe we will all be alive to laugh about this some time in the future……

That is the only thing we can hope for…..

R

Is there something not clear about the words…….

STAY HOME

STAY ISOLATED

SOCIAL DISTANCING

Do NOT congregate in groups of over 2 people…..

WASH your HANDS

WASH them AGAIN….and while you are at it, could you please shower and wash your filthy hair, and body, and wash your filthy clothes??

Going to the grocery store is terrifying enough, but what really boggles the mind is just how unclean, unwashed, unshaven, are the majority of the population wandering the aisles…

Staying at home is NO EXCUSE for not bathing, shaving or washing your dirty, stained clothes….if anything, it will give you something useful to do, and actually, the more you bathe, the healthier you and those around you will be……

I have always been way more aware of my surroundings than most, and see neighbours with 2 teenagers going in and out with their car 5-6 times a day…..not a mask in sight.

Where can you possibly go 5-6 times daily that is THAT important???   Then the younger child goes out and plays in the street with other children…..

I saw the older daughter get into the car with her mother 2 days ago, all dressed up with a gift bag in her hand, obviously going to a birthday party.

What is not clear about “ STAY HOME and SELF ISOLATE???”  your children are not in school for a reason, you are not working right now for the same reason……

IS IT NOT that OBVIOUS???

Then there are the photographs taken on Ste Catherine Street last week of close to 100 people standing in line all  crushed together to get into the POT store……

ONE person was wearing a mask and self distancing,

The other 99???   Potentially all murderers…..yes, I said it.

They have potentially exposed themselves to a deadly virus and some will be taking public transport to go home to whomever is waiting there, and along with the POT, they are bringing a deadly illness home as well.

YOU are NOT IMMUNE

YOU are NOT SPECIAL

YOU are an IDIOT!!!

Then there are the selfish, inconsiderate people who have been on airplanes which are essentially metal tubes acting as Petri dishes full of filth and germs, coming home, standing in huge cramped lines at the airport on both sides, coming home to their families, NOT self distancing, and touching everything in sight, from door knobs to faucets, toilets, counters, and then, just to add insult to injury, continuing to go out and socialize instead of following the LAW and self isolating for 14 days….

.

You are potentially going to KILL thousands of people with your arrogance and lack of consideration for others….

DO YOU GET IT YET???

Can you not at least TRY to control your selfishness during a world pandemic???

There is a day care in someone’s home, ostensibly closed to help curtail the spread of this deadly virus, yet 6 – 10 children on bicycles were in their driveway 2 days ago all together screaming at the top of their lungs and playing together…..

WHERE are the parents??

Why are their children outside unsupervised???

Every person those children come in contact with could now be exposed. SO, if there are elderly grandparents living in their homes, they are putting them at serious risk.

When you go to the grocery store, can you PLEASE think of others and not only yourself??  MINIMUM 6 feet separation , maybe be really considerate, turn around in the narrow aisle and go in the other direction.

DO NOT CROWD and chat with others, this is NOT a party. This is our LIVES and our FUTURES…..

I have a great number of friends who are medical doctors, and are putting their lives on the line for us EVERY DAY, and they are absolutely TERRIFIED.

They do not have anywhere close to sufficient self protection masks and gowns…

There is NO VACCINE

There is NO CURE

This is NOT A JOKE

Yes, I am incredibly selfish….but in a good way……..i want my friends to live long happy lives, I care about them deeply.

So, how about YOU STOP being SELFISH and DO YOUR PART…..

STAY HOME

SELF ISOLATE

WASH

WASH again

WASH EVERYTHING

Practice SOCIAL DISTANCING

Maybe we will all be alive to laugh about this some time in the future……

That is the only thing we can hope for…..

R

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Musings and Observations of Seriously BAD Behaviour

Bringing a seriously cheap bottle of wine to an event in someone’s home, digging in their closed cupboards to retrieve a fine vintage wine, slinking into a corner, opening the bottle and consuming it by yourself.

Yes, you did see this posted recently in the BLOG entitled ‘On being Selfish’, however, the outpouring of people calling and writing about this issue was extraordinary. Some of your examples absolutely hysterical, but at the same time, so very sad, as so many people are treating their hosts in such a greedy and callous manner.

You are absolutely welcome to share this BLOG, with the hopes that maybe one person recognizes their disgusting behaviour and changes it.

Arriving at the home of an extremely generous hostess empty handed, grazing your way through the most expensive food and drink, then having the audacity to ask the servers to prepare a plate for you to bring home.

Sneaking food home from a cocktail party. I have seen people filling endless napkins with huge Tiger Shrimp and other delectables, one rude wag actually would go into a corner and slip food into a large baggie, then go back for more. This event was NOT billed as TAKE OUT, it was in a private home, nor was it a fundraiser where the guests were expected to pay for a ticket.

Being invited to dinner then spending the entire evening texting on your phone, and not participating. If you didn’t want to come, next time, stay home.

Imposing your children on others They are simply NOT that cute or that special, and we do NOT want to hear about them or see their pictures.

Going to any Birthday Party empty handed, even if someone is hosting it for you.

Going to a Cocktail, Dinner , or Anniversary party empty handed.

Not sending a Thank You note. (see above)

Not sending flowers, or a gift to the hostess. (see above)

Aggressively asking someone for their assistance, then abruptly telling them that they are no longer required, as you have found another solution.

Telling everyone over a period of several months about your impending nuptials, claiming it will be ‘high society’, ( if YOU have to say it, then clearly it is NOT….) cheating with everything that walks on your soon to be wife, bragging endlessly to your male friends about your conquests, …some of whom told some of us…….

Sending invitations to your wedding to only some of the people to which you have been ranting endlessly over the past few months, filling the church with the guests who arrived all dressed up for this ‘fabulous’ occasion, having first sent expensive gifts to the home of the couple…..After the ceremony, the couple walked down the aisle, got into a few cars, including a couple of Rolls Royces driven by friends, and driving off into the sunset.
The guests naively thinking the wedding party was simply going to take pictures, found themselves standing around the church until they were rudely ushered out, and the church door loudly locked behind them.
Well over 100 people found themselves asking just WHAT exactly had happened, unfed, left behind, and utterly horrified. After a whle, some just wandered off, others went to a couple of restaurants for dinner, in complete and utter horror.

The wedding party, meanwhile, went to a private club for a very small, intimate dinner.

To say that my phone rang for weeks over this one, is an understatement.
NO ONE, let me repeat, NO ONE, had ever heard of, much less experienced anything as classless as this before, nor since.

Insisting on wearing your boots, shoes or whatever else footwear into a shoe free home. If you are told repeatedly NOT to wear shoes in the house, that is NOT an invitation to bring slippers or other footwear. NO shoes means NO shoes. It is the height of bad manners. If wearing your filthy footwear is more important than respecting the wishes of the hostess, please do us all a favour, and STAY home.

Going into a shop, having a shop clerk running around finding things for you to try on for over an hour, then leaving everything in a heap on the floor as if it was trash, and walking out without as much as a Thank You, or, making a purchase. That person is on commission, you just treated them worse than your personal servant, you stole an hour of their time for which they were not compensated, and worse, all the garments now look used and must be tidied and hung up.

Going to a soiree in a high end fashion store, drinking copious quantities of alcohol, eating everything in sight, taking endless selfies with both expensive merchandise and guests who are utterly unaware they are being photographed, and not purchasing a thing.
YES….they DID see you, and YES, they are talking about it…….guess how I found out about it!!!!!

Telling someone , “ we MUST do lunch repeatedly, I miss you SO MUCH….” Then never calling……

Walking up to a celebrity at a Fund Raiser, interrupting them, foisting your business card into their hand, and loudly exclaiming so that half the room hear you speaking…….”I would LOVE to get together with you for lunch……You MUST call me…….”…..pretending to be their best friend, when they DO NOT HAVE the SLIGHTEST CLUE who you are, nor, are they remotely interested in finding out. Their horrified facial expression just told it all……and YES, we saw it all……..

Turning upn at a fancy ball in a low cut, flouncy chiffon dress and carrying on like you are the Belle of the Ball. PLEASE take a serious look at yourself in the mirror. PLEASE repeat. …. Maybe, once more, just to be sure……

You are NOT a 16 year old, 100 pound anorexic model, nor are you a rock star. Exposing it ALL is just plain VULGAR.

Going to the aforementioned Ball, walking up to total strangers, interrupting their conversation mid sentence, and ingratiating yourself into their group. They do NOT know who you are, and after your incredibly rude pushy behaviour, have no interest whatsoever in finding out who you are.

Paying a PR to organize a reception in your Store – Art Gallery…..then spending the evening fussing over the shiny new faces you have never seen before and totally ignoring those individuals who have been paying your bills for years….. You DO realize that we have an abundance of choices of where to shop, do you not???

Fussing over the pretentious millenial who has 10 handbags spread all over the counter which she is photographing, and totally ignoring the quiet discreet individual who is actually dressed in high end designer clothes…..if someone is wearing a huge diamond ring, a large Vuitton purse, Hermes shoes, scarf and belt, they can probably afford to buy something else……..do you REALLY think the 20 year old has the cash?? Attitude is NOT cash.

Posting rude, beligerent comments on the Facebook pages of strangers just because you do not agree with them. You DO realize that you can be found, do you not???

…..and then there are the Drama Queens……..why is it that some people just will NOT stop posting and carrying on endlessly whenever there is some incident in their lives?? Are we supposed to run to your side to support you in your milisecond of need?? Give you money?? Take you out for dinner to console you??? Pity you??? … For a few, the feelings towards them has now run to utter disgust. Reposting endlessly on the anniversary of your mother’s death, her birthday, your dead friend, sending emails and sharing them with your friends to share so that your ‘sorrow’ is amplified a thousand times?? Stressing how we MUST all get together to support poor, sad you??

Seriously???!!!

What about the rest of us ??? We have ALL experienced loss, some of us have lived through absolutely horrific life events, yet, nary a call.
But then, we were elegant, quiet, discreet. We did not tell anyone, We did not post and repost and amplify, tweet or whine.

Walking into a grocery store with large reusable bags, filling them in the trolley, then arriving at the cash and paying for just a few items.
This new, absolutely INSANE trend of forcing us to bring our own bags in order to shop has generated a level of theft which has exploded.
People, we are ALL PAYING for this.
Some of us have brought it to the attention of store managers, but it is now so extreme that it is an epidemic. PLEASE do something …the cost of YOUR groceries will double if you do not.

Making a big deal about inviting someone to lunch to celebrate their birthday. Ordering cocktails and endless dishes that ‘you MUST try,” making absolutely sure that EVERYONE in the restaurant hears and sees you carrying on, then sticking the birthday boy with the total bill for several hundred dollars, who, just to be totally clear, ordered ONE plate of food and NO alcohol.

Truly, real life is more outrageous than make believe………

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WORDS MATTER!

I want to thank the people who contribute directly and indirectly to this BLOG. There are a great many people out there scratching their heads at the behaviour they witness and experience at the hands of others, with the knowledge that whatever they say will not be attributed, hence they are free to varbalise knowing there will not be any adverse reprecussions.

Sometimes words drop out of the mouths of otherwise intelligent people leaving one to question if they have any concept whatsoever of just how seriously offensive they were…

Being told …..I’m too busy to talk to you right now, I am eating my lunch
Really…….will it go somewhere if you do not eat it this very second???

I need to go and sell to this important client, only to learn that they have never met this person before, and who purchases absolutely NOTHING. Furthermore, based upon their dress and comportement, it is unlikely they ever will……..

I am waiting for an important client, so you will have to leave……only to learn that the ‘important’ client never turned up.

I have to put this merchandise away right now, you will have to wait.
SOOO, the merchandise is more important than a potential customer??? Is it going to make a purchase???!!!

I am on the phone (with a friend judging by the utter drivel coming out of your mouth) …you will just have to wait……

Send me an email, I am too busy to talk to you right now…..
OK, but we are already ON THE PHONE, why not spend the additional minute and have the discussion???!!

Send me an email and tell me why you want to speak with me. …..REALLY???

Do you know who I am??!! (Why is it people who are SOOO arrogant as to ask this question are always the least important) ??!!

SOO, just a few thoughts……

If you repeatedly tell people they are NOT important clients, they never will become one.

If you claim to always be too important or too busy, at some point people WILL stop calling you and give you all the free time in the world.

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What ever happending to manners??


YES, I am absolutely ranting about this subject again, hence, ROSLYNSRANTS.COM.

As a tall, blond, well dressed woman, with a handbag in my hand, and a coat on my back,  do I actually look like a doorman to you??  Do you have ANY idea how many times I have held open the door for the person directly behind me and had 10 rude people push their way through, NONE of whom had the good manners to either acknowledge me in any way or better,  say Thank You??

Yes, I was brought up in an extremely strict British household, NO, it was not fun. As a child I was forced to learn how to use ALL the cutlery on the table, elbows off the table, sit still, do not speak until you are spoken to, sit still for hours,  no carrying on, …. it was excruciating, but I recognize it as one of the greatest gifts as an adult. I learned to behave.

Grace, elegance, eloquence, manners, consideration for those around us, regardless of social position, seem to be something of the past, the way most people hold their cutlery and eat today is absolutely repugnant. At least 50% of the population do not know how to use a knife and fork, how to use a napkin, NOT to blow your nose at the table, and even worse, put the used tissue on the table…….

And then there are other little things…such as putting one’s pinky in the air when drinking tea……..seriously??   soooo pretentious…….

Spearing food and chewing loudly, mouth open, and talking so that we see all the half chewed food spraying about…..UGH…UGH….UGH!!

Watching white people in a Chinese or Japanese restaurant is even worse…….they are loud, snapping their fingers at the staff as if they are their personal servants, with absolutely NO idea as to Asian etiquette…….and NO, I DO NOT care if you are white, try and be respectful of your environment.  Etiquette is etiquette.  …  KEEP YOUR HANDS OUT OF THE FOOD….it is considered the height of bad manners…….

What happened to helping someone with a heavy bag??

Helping someone to cross an icy sidewalk??

Given that I am a woman, why is it that I am the only one extending an outstretched hand to someone trying to cross an icy sidewalk??  Opening doors???  Waiting politely in line for my turn, not bursting into the line, expressing my  perceived importance in a loud, arrogant voice……..??

What happened to integrity? Decency??   Manners??  Consideration of others?? NO ONE is in such a hurry that taking 2 seconds to be courteous is an imposition. If all these so-called busy people were actually remotely busy,  other than their  make believe importance,  they would not have the time to binge watch TV. Yes, when you speak so loudly on your mobile phone we know that you spent 5 hours watching TV last night……

I have an acquaintance, certainly no longer a friend in any stretch of the imagination, who is embarrassing and disgraceful. Always ranting on about aging gracefully, then always sticking everyone with the bill, and expecting to be driven around without EVER contributing to gas or parking.

Another one invited my significant other out to a restaurant for his birthday, ordered drinks, no, we did not imbibe, insisted we try several items on the menu, carried on with the waiters like he was a big shot, then stuck us with the bill, AGAIN.

No one seems to understand old fashioned ideas like Birthday cards,  Sympathy Cards, sending flowers, Thank you notes, responding to RRVP’s on time, yet ironically, these are the same individuals grasping desperately for the wonderful invitations to posh parties and cocktails……..they almost think their presence is so magical that manners are of no consequence. Bringing a gift to an afternoon tea, dinner party, cocktail party, birthday party, also appears to be a lost art. ….   And actually considering the taste of the host , well, that would be too much to ask.  Did it EVER enter the minds of these rude, rude individuals that entertaining is not cheap or easy??   All the alcohol, and food you consume costs money and must be prepared. There is prep work before, during and after any social gathering. If it is held in someone’s home, they probably cleaned it within an inch of its life before you arrived, and will do the same thing afterwards. I have been to extraordinary parties all over the world, some with an insane number of staff ……do you think they are FREE????

The  very least you can do is BRING or SEND a GIFT.  Arriving consistently empty handed is not only rude, it is extremely disrespectful. 

On line rudeness is a new phenomenon,  social media such as Facebook is full of hateful, mean individuals posting cruel hurtful snippets in response to the posts of utter strangers. Does it give the some perverse sense of power to inflict such cruelty??  Do they not realize just how easy it is to find out who they are and where they live???

Today, with the rise in violence around the world, WORDS KILL.

Then, of course, there are the shop keepers who see someone enter their shop and say loudly, “ I see an important client, you will have to go…..” you are totally correct, the person in front of you will NEVER become an important client, you just totally offended them, it is soooo easy to go elsewhere…..

The purpose of manners is to treat others as you wish to be treated……..how simple is that??

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On Being selfish

We have all met them, it could be a friend, family member, work associate, but it is ALWAYS about them. Their image, their birthday, their finances, their needs. But what happened to the rest of us??

Manners are considered to be the social grease. Perhaps not the most elegant choice of words, however, having good manners at the very base, is having consideration for others. 

Not doing to others what one does not wish to have done to oneself.

Selfishness rears its ugly head in a myriad of ways, it can be cloaked in jealousy, arrogance, or just the total lack of empathy or consideration of others.

From those who post endlessly on Facebook, and want us to ‘like’ and ‘share’ their beliefs, events, and successes, but would never consider doing the same for others.

Those who only promote or help those who they think can advance their own cause. 

Those who argue their beliefs but are utterly unwilling to allow that others may have a totally different opinion. Our life experiences are all different,  the best part about meeting and conversing with people is that one can actually learn, and sometimes from the most unlikely people. 

Not responding to an RSVP in a timely and considerate way, waiting until the last  possible moment in case something better turns up, but ignoring the fact that the person extending the invitation has to plan and purchase food and drink accordingly, as well as planning for the number of wait staff if it is a large event.

Turning up at an event with an unexpected guest or guests, and not warning the host prior to your arrival, forcing them to scramble trying to set extra places at the table, and figure out just HOW to extend the allocated food to feed the extra mouths, given the meal was planned for a lesser number of guests.

Not sharing information in a business setting in order to appear more important than they are. This works for a while, but inevitably backfires, as once people catch on, they will actually cease inviting the hoarder to meetings. 

Not considering that other people actually have feelings, and your words are harsh and hurtful.

Always turining up at a Dinner Table or Cocktail party empty handed, regardless the event. Have you ever considered just how much work it is to entertain, and just how much it costs??

Expecting fabulous gifts for your birthday, wedding, Christmas……and receiving amazing thoughtful gifts, but never reciprocating?? Regardless of whether it is your family or best friend, it is simply arrogant and rude.  Just like you love the excitement of unwrapping an amazing gift or gifts, so do they.

Please do not insult our intelligence by stating that you did not have time or that money is tight, but then sit and talk about all the posh restaurants and bars you have visited, the new shoes and purse, trip, car… you just purchased, the fun events you have been to, as you chow down on our food and drink. You knew about the event well in advance and had ample time to arrange something. If you are really that clueless about what to purchase for someone, PICK UP THE PHONE and ask someone.

I had one friend who actually was generous, however her constant borrowing of money and complaining about being broke at the same time as showing off another $4000 handbag or another trip to Europe simply became too much. Just making a feeble attempt to pay back SOMETHING would have been an amazing gesture, but it never came. 

People wanting your professional advice in business, yet always telling you that they can’t provide any assistance for whatever reason  when you need something in return…..hellooo??

People in Vintage and Antique stores selling you something and exclaiming how fabulous it is until you have paid for it, but if, heaven forbid, you wish to sell it at a later date telling you that it is worthless after they have insulted it for 5 minutes….

Can you really hear yourself??  And WHY on earth would I EVER buy from you again??   

We live in interesting times. 

A little consideration and generosity goes a long way.

We DO remember.

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Whatever happened to?

Whatever happened to……

… thanking your friends for being there for you

… being discreet about your bedroom proclivities

… not belching, farting, sneezing, coughing loudly in front of others

… saying please and thank you

… managing by walking around

… doing proper, detailed references when hiring

… paying your suppliers

… paying back the endless loans you took from friends

… teaching and speaking the truth

… honesty

… not having your hand out at others you believe more successful than yourself

… keeping your word

… being considerate of others

… not cyberbullying strangers you disagree with

… not expecting others to pay for your latest feel good vanity charity

… not driving on black ice like a maniac and risking the lives of everyone around you

… not pontificating on how you wish to be perceived as elegant then stiffing all your friends on restaurant and taxi charges

… not spreading cruel rumours about those of whom you are actually seriously jealous

… behaving like you are an expert about everything, you are NOT

… not bragging endlessly about your latest trip

… not showing everyone endless photographs of your children or grandchildren

… not screaming down others when they try to speak

… not taking the credit for the work done by others

… acknowledging the kindness of others

… stepping in to stop bullying

… actually holding the door open for the person behind you

… saying THANK YOU to the person who held the door open for you

… saying thank you to your clients

… not cutting or cleaning your nails in public

… not picking your teeth at the table

… not shoving your latest dietary obsession down everyone’s throats

… not insisting you know best about which car one requires

… not answering emails

… not answering telephone calls

SAYING PLEASE and THANK YOU

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