Category Archives: Consideration

Business, Consideration, Impressions

…..more on telephone arrogance….

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Does it ever end??!

Just when you are sure you have heard every possible story of rude behaviour, some incredibly arrogant person drops a line on you leaving you speechless, falling on the floor!!
The latest in the litany of rude telephone behaviour is where some low class, arrogant jerk wants you to text BEFORE you call to tell him :

You will be calling
Why you will call.
Seriously??

I can’t imagine what goes through their minds to think that they are actually that important.

Then, there is the middle manager who insists you call his secretary and tell her what it is you want so that SHE can decide if your call is important enough for him to take, but you are already ON THE PHONE WITH ME YOU MORON!

Where on earth do they come up with these ideas??

Every day I receive a call from a friend telling me about the newest slight, if these morons think people don’t talk about them, let me tell you, I am getting calls, I know who you are, and some of my friends want to include your nonsense in my BLOG as they are so insensed with the rudeness. Many would LOVE me to include names, but I promised this BLOG would be confidential.

I once again called someone about a job opportunity, and was told to call back his secretary…..!!! Really?? You want me to tell your secretary I am calling you about a new position?? I think not…..however, your inane arrogance has insured I will never call you again, and you now have a huge note in my files to KEEP AWAY !!
The joke of course, is on this individual, who isn’t earning even close to the compensation being offered, but, hey, he is such a big shot with his secretary doing his screening, that he just lost a potential increase of $100,000!!!

So, Mr Arrogance and Self-Importance loses, as there is no way I would consider an individual who thinks so highly of themselves. The arrogance, and lack of good judgement and grace was amazing.
Grace, ah yes, a lost art. Clearly non whatsoever attributed to this individual, and yes, people notice, and yes, people talk, and some of us take notes……copious ones…..
Two hours later, I rang up two gentlemen who are extremely successful company Presidents, and, low and behold, both answered their phones themselves, and chatted with me. Lunch is planned with one of them upon his return from London England in 2 weeks. Hmmmm……….

So, there are obviously polite, smart people out there who understand phone etiquette, and simple good manners…..

This unfortunately, is probably my third BLOG on telephone etiquette, I had never expected to be penning another one, but with all the people I speak with in a week, someone always succeeds in surprising me with another anecdote which throws you off your chair….

Very few successful people I know have not complained about the phenomenal lack of telephone etiquette. When will people actually smarten up and think?? Regardless of how many contacts you have in Linkedin or Facebook, if you are mindlessly rude on the phone, the word will get out, and you are better to hang on to your crappy little job because at some point, the phone calls will cease, and with them the evaporation of interesting opportunities.

Respect and courtesy towards others goes far, thinking you are above everyone and are somehow special, well, it gets old, fast. There is always someone richer, more successful, better looking, more popular, more polite, more connected, than you are, and so manners tend to stand out.

If you cut yourself off with mind-numbing rudeness and condescension, people will and do talk, and at some point your phone will cease to ring. Guess you got your wish!!! We are all thrilled to leave you alone in your imaginary ivory tower with your imagined servants…….

So, why is it I can reach multi-millionaires, billionaires in 1-2 calls, and they are thrilled to speak with me, and often meet with me, yet some low level individual thinks they are a GOD?? Where on earth does this come from??!!

Secretaries who are rude to callers and interrogate them, and please, do not insult my intelligence and tell me that your boss knows you are this rude, bosses who think they are too important to answer their own phone, yet are simply low level Managers in huge corporations who can be fired on a whim, someone, please, explain to me where this self-importance comes from.

Over the years I have done very high level fund raising both politically and for various charities. Almost EVERY company President has called me back, promptly, and either participated or explained why they cannot.
I have put together tribute parties and brought people together from thousands of miles away, from Embassies, Companies, Judges, Lawyers, Company Presidents, Doctors, Senior Politicians, they ALL return my calls, and politely explain why or why not they will attend.
Some of these individuals earn $100,000 per DAY, yet they return calls. And THAT is why they are successful.

They have learned that not returning a call can result in losing the opportunity of a lifetime, with just that one lost call.

One of the most impressive executives I have seen is Billionaire Sir Richard Branson of Virgin UK. He is open, available, fun, and wants to hear from you.
He is approachable, successful, and has a great sense of humour.

The key in that comment is successful.

So, why is he approachable, and someone earning $100,000 is not.!!???

I will leave you with those thoughts………

Consideration, Quality

Bullies, again!!

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Over the last few weeks, once again, there have been numerous articles posted on Facebook, in the press and the news about children and young adults taking their lives over bullying.

We have been in a World Recession since 2007,  although the economists refuse to publicly acknowledge it. Coupled with that, the Global economy has changed the way business is conducted. Companies are outsourcing low level jobs to third world countries, leaving many uneducated individuals and the youth unable to find either entry level or part-time employment. Granted, many of them arrive for an interview with such arrogance that no one wants to hire them. Furthermore, if they are hired, they are unwilling to work, and are constantly complaining about hours, and inconvenience.

Bullying starts in school, and becomes absolutely hideous by high school for those unable to cope with the constant unpleasantness. Most often it is triggered by the bully not being given something they wanted, and that anger is then transformed into rage, and taken out on some poor unsuspecting individual who has the misfortune to cross their path.

So, the shy child, unable to verbally defend themselves to the barrage of insults and teasing, simply withdraws further and further into themselves. The nerdy child, more interested in math or science is teased mercilessly as they don’t conform to the perceived mode of behaviour, but nonetheless gets straight A’s with little effort. The irony being that this same child may have an IQ at Genius level, and will become a world class researcher or inventor.

Then, of course, there is the one who dresses and acts differently, refusing to conform to the in-crowd’s way of dressing. In high school my best friend who was also British and I had incredibly long hair all the way down our backs, and dyed black, we wore black eyeliner, off white lipstick, black lace up Granny Boots, black turtle-necks, black jeans, black leather jackets….and yes, we were both artists. Both of us drew and we also wrote. By the age of 13 I was published, by 15 I had poetry published in Japan, then articles, and then, I met a 12 string guitar…and started composing music, never having had one guitar lesson in my life. Not long after, I found myself on a stage performing in front of hundreds of people.

My way of dealing with the constant unpleasantness of a few certain individuals in my school who considered themselves the most important people on the campus was simply to make an entire new circle of friends who were part of the French ‘IN” crowd, and wow!!  What a ride!!  I never looked back!! The added bonus was that I learned to speak French!!! I met a  young fellow  who was a musician with an incredible voice, and ended up singing with him!!

Around the same time I met a Chinese girl who also felt like an outsider, and we became friends. So I made a group of friends within the Asian community and my eyes were opened once again, new language, new customs, new food, and the refreshing part, was the community welcomed me with open arms.

Unfortunately, not everyone had the strength of character or imagination I did. One girl, adopted by a very wealthy family was both not attractive and different. We were too young then to understand she was a lesbian, we had no idea in those days of what that even was.

She was teased incessantly, in the most cruel ways possible, being told she was unwanted by her parents because she was ugly. Her solution was to start pulling out her eyelashes and her hair, and by age 15 she really had serious emotional problems. Unfortunately the more she pulled, the more cruel the perpetrators.

Then, of course, there is the child who comes to school dirty and in rags, and suffers no end at the hands of these arrogant self serving Princesses. Never a thought that perhaps this poor unfortunate child might also be coming to school starving.

Children and teens unfortunately, are not taught to stand back and consider what has triggered this cruel behaviour and how to protect themselves from it. It would never enter most parent’s minds that their child is either the bully or the subject of bullying.

The bullies, will never allow anyone but themselves to be center stage, the most popular, best dressed, with a constant entourage. Should someone turn up to threaten them, they will instantly concoct some lie to destroy the other individual.

We hear of young girls being teased incessantly, called whores and sluts, and often they are virgins. Ironically the ones doing the teasing are usually the promiscuous ones. Their guilt and unwillingness to acknowledge it, has them project on some poor unsuspecting individual….it is always easier to call someone names than acknowledge that you are not nice.

One incredibly cruel woman I know, now on her 5th husband, had an incredibly bad reputation in University for her promiscuity. Give her a few drinks and she would have sex with anyone. This same person, now in her 60’s refuses to acknowledge that she ever did anything wrong. It is always the fault of someone else. Whatever problems she has in life, someone else is at fault. And she will proclaim loudly to anyone listening what a victim she is.  She claims to have become an alcoholic in her 40’s due to problems with one of her husbands and a child. But anyone who knew her earlier knew she had a drinking problem 20 years earlier.

Whatever perceived slight is always blown out of proportion, no one, and I do mean NO ONE is allowed to call the bully out as they simply will not acknowledge they have a problem. Most are arrogant, cruel, selfish individuals. They will just add more insults and vicious gossip behind the back of whoever actually stands up to them.

What is the solution?? First, school and high school are not forever, and if you don’t like them, there is absolutely no reason to stay in contact with them later on in life.

Teach your children, your friends, acquaintances, that bullying is not acceptable behaviour call them out as bullies, tell teachers, co-workers, who-ever necessary. If you have to, go to the Police. To turn a blind eye is to be complicit. You become part of the problem, not the solution.

Teach children to stand up for themselves. The most unfortunate thing is that if no one ever calls them out, these bullies continue throughout their lives and the pattern is not broken.

Become friends with other people. They are actually out there. Get happy. Be with people who appreciate you. Feel good about your differences and your skills. Live a fascinating full life. It is truly the best revenge.

 

Consideration, Integrity

Impolite Society

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Everyone who is out in public and doing business today is complaining  about the incredible lack of respect and courteousness one experiences  in everyday life. There seems to be no barrier through socio-economic  levels, it has reached pandemic proportions throughout society.  Parents are no longer teaching their children about manners or  respect, people are stressed out and angry, and will take out their frustrations on whoever is in front of them.

The problem with this is that eventually it incites violence, as not everyone is able to deal with this level of disrespect and anger.

Some examples of extraordinarily bad behaviour follow, but there are more than can be listed in one small blog…..

  • returning business calls at 7:10 in the morning, hoping for voicemail so you don’t have to speak to the caller.
  • walking into a store, and before anyone approaches to see if you need assistance, screaming at the sales staff.
  • sending emails at midnight to change a scheduled meeting for early the next morning.
  • sending emails one hour before a meeting to change the time and day.
  • phoning a help line which says ‘press 9’ for English, then being told by a recording that the line has been disabled.
  • rude, surly cashiers who are speaking loudly with a co-worker about their social life while scanning your purchases, then being rude and dismissive when the client has the audacity to interrupt the  conversation with a question.
  • people who interrupt others constantly to talk about the minutiae of  their boring, insignificant lives, and never let anyone else get a word in.
  • people who constantly complain about hard it is in business, how they can’t pay their rent or their bills, yet have abundant cash to eat in restaurants 3 times a day, go to the spa, go to the hairdresser and manicurist, go to movies, trips, and new clothes. We all have bills to pay. Get over it.
  • Is it a question?!!! stop up-talking, it is not cute.
  • don’t discuss the intimate details of your sex life, particularly when you are denigrating your partner’s abilities, or lack of abilities. How are we supposed to look this person in the face?
  • never answering your phone or voice mail messages, but spending the day texting furiously. Not everyone likes to text, or have the means
  • to text. Some of us actually believe in real live conversations.
  • speaking on your mobile while getting into the elevator, walking through a store, sitting in a restaurant, sitting in a movie, sitting in a business meeting……at the top of your lungs. Do you actually think you are that interesting?
  • cutting in front of people while they are being served in a shop or a restaurant, interrupting as though the other person is invisible, not excusing yourself, as though you are the most important person on the planet.
  • being referred through someone in business, who has absolutely no idea who you are, what you do, what company you represent, if any, and spending 10 minutes denigrating the caller, never letting them speak or explain the reason for the call.
  • behaving like a DIVA at a party or other social function, and not taking the time to look around the room and assess who is there, when in fact, most of the other guests are more successful and famous than you, they are simply being quiet about it.
  • treating people who actually DO have manners and are courteous as  though they are either weak or invisible. We are not and we KNOW who
  • you are. Do you REALLY think we won’t tell each other about your appalling behaviour?
  • just because you married a man who is rich and successful doesn’t make you a lady. Behaving like a lady has nothing to do with money or position, it is simply a matter of class, or lack of it. Many of us know where you came from, and if you continue berating us in public will let the world know who you REALLY are at some point when we have had enough.
  • we are all in business to make money, it has to be conducted in a fair, equitable, respectful manner. It HAS to be win, win. Just because you work for a large company today, does not mean you can’t be fired, nor does it mean the company will still be in business in 6 months. If you diss all your suppliers, we will remember all the details of your insults when you come crawling for a job, regardless of what level of position you have held in industry. Recently we have had a number of former Vice Presidents, and Senior Vice Presidents knocking on our door as they were fired from their previous employment, and behaving as though we are their long lost friends. Have you forgotten just how rude and arrogant you were when we tried to do business with you??
  • calling someone either Miss or by their first name when they are old enough to be your mother. If you don’t know how to address them, then just call them Madame……or as in French, tu-toyer……when it should be vous.
  • the French (France) have an absolutely wonderful expression for this which is ‘monsieur, or mademoiselle, nous n’avons pas elever des  cochons ensemble’!!! to translate, we didn’t raise pigs together, or  FIND YOUR MANNERS.
  • attacking the food and drink at a cocktail party as though you have never seen food before. It is a Cocktail Party, you were not invited to dinner. You are expected to politely graze not fill your plate to overflowing, and go back for seconds.
  • going to a party in someone’s home, staying until you have consumed every drop of alcohol in the house, including rooting through cupboards and the refrigerator to make sure you have consumed it all.  YES, we did see you, and we also heard all about it the next day.
  • arrogant employees in companies who actually think they have the right to tell you who you have the right to speak with or not. Seriously??

I am sure there are more examples out there…….but these are the ones which come to mind……please feel free to share this BLOG, we need a return to polite society.

Business, Consideration, Impressions

Another Missed Shopping Opportunity

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We constantly hear about retailers complaining about the new on-line shopping and how they are missing out on huge transactions, but one must also seriously wonder what the executives are doing in some of these corporations, certainly they are not spending time on the floor to see how their staff treat potential customers. And therein lies the problem.

I have written before on this subject, and must admit to being totally amazed at how little attention is paid to this issue. Lots of complaining, virtually no action.

Statistically, the cost of replacing an established, good customer is  extremely high, people are not loyal any more, and life is much more  transient than ever before.

Today is Sunday, it was a beautiful, bright sunny day following a couple of days of horrid weather.

I am in the office working as I have meetings back to back with Senior Executives and this is the only chance I have to do paperwork and  clean up the office before the week starts, as we have some VP’s  coming to visit this week.

Yesterday, I drove downtown in dreadful road conditions to meet a girlfriend for coffee at a high end retailer. Service was lax, although the restaurant was full, prices are high, and there was a queue.

From there we headed upstairs to shop, perhaps I should re-phrase, she accompanied me, as i was in fact the potential client, outfitted  in a silver knee length mink  coat, black cashmere turtleneck, black  Ralph Lauren Jeans, Hermes H Belt, Chanel Glasses, and expensive  jewelry, no handbag.You get the picture, not wearing rags.

We shopped the most expensive boutiques in the store. In at least 2  boutiques, I was totally ignored. One young lady was totally focused  on her social life, another was fawning over a 20 year old dripping  with attitude, in another boutique, one staff member was chatting with  her friend, and they were engrossed in a conversation about how  difficult is is to find a good man.

I was not even asked if there was something I needed. As a 5’10” blond, I am hardly invisible, yet service was not forthcoming or offered.

End result, I spent NOTHING in the store, except for the coffee, and not for lack of interest.

I looked at 3 pairs of shoes, $650 each. NOPE. No assistance, no offer  to see if they were in my size or whether I wanted to try them on.

I looked at belts , $1000 each, in another boutique…….TWICE, and  was never offered assistance.

I looked at handbags, $1000 – 2190.00, you guessed it, no assistance, no offer. no acknowledgement of my existence.

In my jeans pocket was $700 in gift cards for the store left over from Christmas, plus a great deal of cash.

I spent less than $20 in the store in the 2 hours we were there, because no staff member was interested in serving me.

As someone who is visual, auditory, tactile, and extremely attentive, my observations were people being served were for the most part pushy  and arrogant, yet the important fact the staff missed was they had NO  SHOPPING BAGS in their hands, which of course, is the litmus test. how  many bags from which boutiques were in their hands. None. Nope. Nada.  But they certainly received lots of attention.

One extremely rude woman monopolized 2 sales staff while she fussed over pricey silk scarves and chatted with her equally classless  friend. They were loud, they were crass. yes, I have already said that. I entered the boutique from 2 different doors on 2 occasions to  look at belts…….yet they were served by 2 people for a long period  of time. They exited empty handed.So, had they ever intended to make a purchase?  They certainly  received a lot of attention while they discussed the merits of this  scarf and that one. They exited empty handed. Had they been serious shoppers, one of them would have made a purchase, but they were made  to feel ‘special’ with all the attention they received, so they stood there, played with the staff and the scarves, and had a chat.Judging by the quality of their clothes and jewelry, it is  questionable whether they were ever serious, but they were certainly made to feel important.

As someone who travels, and has offices in 2 major cities, both in  prime downtown locations, I am one of those who has many options, in  fact, the world is open to me.

Between major cities around the world and the explosion of high end on-line retailers, there is more choice than ever before for our fashion  dollar. I receive mailings from New York, Toronto, Miami, London,  Paris. and Hong Kong. Some of the things are substantially cheaper than here in Canada.

Today, there are more and more business women like me, earning their own money, and spending it with retailers who make us feel appreciated.

Every time your arrogant condescending staff offend us or ignore us and we walk out of your store empty handed, it is that much harder to get us back in your store.

If you are doing that to people like me, you are MOST CERTAINLY doing it to people who are clearly not well dressed, yet certainly in my industry, high tech, few people are well dressed, and there are lots who  are multi-millionaires. The nerd in the torn t-shirt and sneakers may be worth $50 million. You just offended his girlfriend.

She won’t be back.

The female law student you just offended won’t be back, in 3 years she will be earning well in excess of $100,000.  She has shopping choices too.

Now, what was that complaint you made about the explosion of on-line shopping again????

Consideration, Quality, Relationships

Friendship in the New Age

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We hear of people of all ages feeling isolated and lonely, yet there are so many on-line dating sites today it is insane, and the latest statistics which have just come out speak of nearly 50% of the adult population living alone.

There are a panoply of new ways to meet people, yet we hear of more suicides than ever, bullying and lonely desperation. So, what has happened?

Some people have thousands of ‘Friends’ on Facebook, and even more contacts on Linkedin, yet they just spent the Christmas holidays alone.

We see people glued to their mobile phones, texting in elevators, walking across the street in busy intersections, texting in restaurants, in meetings, on the bus, while sitting on the toilet, and some are still at it at 3 am.

Everything must be done by email or text, and it must be NOW. But, how do you make lifelong, lasting friendships if your life is spent on-line? If you are with someone and are paying attention to your phone, what does that say about you?

With instant communications, we are bombarded with images of movie stars and models and their fabulous lives. Just think of the ‘Twitter’ feeds of some which are followed by literally millions of eager followers, but this is not real. People have forgotten or have never even learned how to meet and greet other people, in person, and to express interest in what the OTHER person has to say, and what THEY are doing. You have to start by turning the phone OFF.

Life has become a series of images across a screen, lived vicariously, one image at a time. Where many people lack the skills to meet face to face, they are the same ones who don’t return messages on voice-mail, and unless you text them, they won’t answer you.

Some are going so far as to change their phone numbers on a regular basis to avoid actually having live conversations with their ‘Friends’ . How sad is this?

Friendships and relationships are terminated on-line, via Facebook or text, which is downright cowardly, not to mention totally rude and dis-respectful to the other person. How can anyone be so cold as to treat another person like this?!!

Life and friendships are about meeting people, in person, one at a time, and building relationships, whether profound or superficial, but the only way there is a chance is to spend the time with someone, with the phone turned OFF. Pay attention to the person you are with, they may surprise you.

I am always fascinated by those who interrupt others to talk about their fascinating lives and experiences. They need an audience, however the only way to develop enduring relationships with others is to actually LISTEN to what they have to say. I spoke with someone like that this week, well, actually I tried to speak and was interrupted non-stop by the other party. When I put the phone back on the receiver (land-line) , I actually looked at it, and asked the receiver what had just happened. My knowledge of the subject at hand is much more profound and personal than that of the caller, yet 20 minutes later, I hadn’t really been allowed to speak about it at all.

In my previous blog, ‘The Gift of Giving’ I discussed selfishness, which has crossed the boundary into friendships. Friendship, like loving relationships, are about balance, it has to offer something positive to both parties. It can’t lean only one way.

If you want to develop and maintain friendships, contact has to be in both directions, likewise invitations and generosity, regardless of one’s means.

No money for posh restaurants? No problem. Invite people to your home for Mac and Cheese. Throw in a few extra ingredients and make it into an event!!

In our home, we host friends for evenings of wonderful home-made onion soup and live music, not expensive to do, but certainly memorable. It is not about the cost, but about the gesture and the ensuing memories.

Friendship and consideration for others go hand in hand.

SO next time you wonder why you don’t have more real friends calling and inviting you out, ask yourself what behaviour you have exhibited towards others, and whether you would like to be the recipient of such shoddy behaviour. I think not.

Consideration, Integrity, Socialites

The Gift of Giving..

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The Christmas shopping frenzy is now behind us, retailers are quietly sitting in back rooms calculating the returns versus sales numbers so they can estimate their gross sales, and whether or not they can survive another month.

There are a new sprinkling of shop windows papered over as sales expectations failed to materialize, and January rent was a distant dream.

We have spent the last few months being absolutely bombarded with requests for money from every every possible charity imaginable, some of which didn’t exist a week ago. Emails, mail, phone calls, donation boxes, it is tiresome beyond belief, and for many, overwhelming. Walk on the street and you are absolutely accosted by those claiming to be homeless, some with dogs, some with signs, all with tales of woe, others playing offensive music; which is a true assault on the ears, some on crutches, wheelchairs, the choices are endless.

As someone who is, and has always been a walker, I have been passing by many of these so called ‘down on their luck’ people for years and years, and witnessed the incredible generosity of many naïve individuals giving and giving until it hurts. The problem is, many of the pan-handlers are actually earning 10 times more money than those giving it, they are not paying tax, and are increasingly taking over our sidewalks, and giving a black eye to our city.

What is unknown to many, is that there is a pecking order of panhandlers, and they are actually paying a commission for their spot. I found out be accident one day when speaking with the owner of a downtown restaurant. I complained to him about the fact I was practically tripped by the pan-handler on his front step, and found it offensive that I had to deal with that every time I entered his restaurant. He told me that when they insisted the pan-handlers remove themselves, many times their front window was broken when they arrived the next day. They are actually threatened with damage to their premises. As their restaurant is in a ‘key spot’ someone actually comes several times a day to collect a commission for the spot. If the pan-handler is not the ‘authorized’ one, he will be threatened and moved.

There have been many stories over the last few years about pan-handlers, many in Toronto, as a few Toronto reporters have followed pan-handlers home on more than one occasion and witnessed the change in comportment when they get in their car or on the bus. One which made the headlines in Montreal and Toronto was about the woman from Hamilton Ontario, pan-handling for years outside the Eaton Center in downtown Toronto, proclaiming that she needed money for food and education for her daughter. A journalist followed her to her  new VW Jetta, whereupon he leapt into a taxi and followed her home. She, at that time, was living in a paid up $750,000 home in Hamilton with her Accountant husband. Her daughter had long since graduated and was going to University. Her expensive lifestyle, home, car and clothes made it blatantly obvious that she was earning way above the money she claimed.

Another well known ‘street musician’ who is aggravating beyond belief on Ste Catherine Street had a bunch of do-gooders ranting about his right to earn his living, regardless of how tiresome he is. What these people have failed to witness is the wife coming in the new SUV to pick up her husband around the corner every night.  They vacation in Florida, and are wearing expensive clothes. At Christmas if one stands in the doorway and watches, one sees a stream of people handing him $5, $10 and $20 bills over a period of ten minutes, so clearly he is earning well above the money he claimed. In fact, he is earning several hundred dollars an hour on a good day. Tax free.

Another extremely rude pan-handler can move locations several times in the same day. He starts on Greene Avenue in Westmount, then in front of Bice on Sherbrooke, sometimes to Holt Renfrew at Mountain and Sherbrooke. If there is a football or Hockey game, he is in front of the stadium, sometimes it is with a fake cast on his leg, other times in a wheelchair, other times with crutches. But watch him board the bus!!!!   Stands straight up, marches brightly on board and sits down. The Crutches, or wheelchair stowed out of the way………. Seriously???

I have crossed him up to 5 times in the same day over the years, on a good day I estimate he earns $1000.

Then there is the rude one in front of Westmount Square on Greene Avenue, complaining about his horrible lot in life. Ever watch this liar over Christmas??    Little old ladies are giving him $50 and $100 bills so he can have a nice Christmas. He actually was in Westmount Square one day complaining about one who gave him $200 then had the audacity to tell him to get a nice meal for Christmas. He was complaining about her thinking she had the right to tell HIM what to do with HIS money………wow. …..and ….by the way, …..he is in Florida right now………watch him come back in a few weeks with his annual tan, and a scarf around his face hiding the tan………it is an annual event…………

Complaints to Westmount Public Security have yielded no results. They are still there, likewise the police on the downtown beat.

Certain well publicized charities do extensive advertising, yet few individuals or companies actually take the time to research what percentage of the money actually goes to the charity in question  versus fees, commissions, overheads, etc. Many would be horrified to learn the actual numbers.  Over the years I have worked on an incredible number of charitable campaigns, some political, some not, and was absolutely mortified to learn in some cases how little actually went to the cause. Several huge charity balls are paying enormous amounts of money to the organizers. More than one well publicized event bringing in millions are paying PR firms to organize the events, yet year after year they are larger and more publicized, and it is considered ‘in’ to be seen there. Companies purchase tables of 8-10 for outrageous amounts of money, to be seen as good corporate citizens, unfortunately, proportionately the amounts actually finding their way to the charity in question can only represent 20% of the take. I found out the hard way when one of the companies I was approaching insisted on seeing the financial statements of the charity. They only participate if over 60% is given to the charity. It was extremely embarrassing on my part to discover I was being lied to and was working gratis for organizations who totally mis-represent themselves.

We have a group of individuals who are now pushing the idea of ‘giving back’ and we hear this being spewed out in the press and at most public affairs. This seems to be the latest trend, bragging rights about ‘giving back’ . We hear the rhetoric about Haiti, Katrina, and other disasters, but what are they really giving other than lip service???

Many of the super-rich in the USA are setting up foundations to distribute some of their amazing wealth, however, what is not being mentioned is the fact that it is 100% deductible against their income taxes, so at the end of the day, they are giving out the same amount of money to charity which would otherwise go to the government in tax. Is this money actually doing anything useful? We continue to have a level of poverty in parts of Canada and the USA which are astounding, teen pregnancies, children are selling themselves and drugs, people are living in tents in parks, and under bridges, AIDS is still rampant, Cancer has not disappeared, and there are more religious wars raging than ever before. Children are starving in Africa, people in New Orleans and Haiti have not been re-located to new homes, part of Africa does not have potable water ……..

So, other than a lot of noise and space in the press, what has actually changed?

I have donated over 790 huge bags of goods to both Value Village and the Salvation Army over the last couple of years. This creates employment, money is given to several charities, and the merchandise does not end up in landfill. But as my contributions are silent, no one is giving me public recognition, and this is really what the commentary is actually about. What has all this ranting actually become?            ……  Getting public recognition for TALKING about how wonderfully generous we are while actually doing nothing??

One good friend of mine is very kind and generous. She is always introducing people to one another who she thinks can help, she entertains endlessly, and is always available to friends in time of crisis. This week she took time off work to bring a friend to a top divorce lawyer she knows to help him as he is not from here, and doesn’t have her network of contacts.  There is always something.

Every year we exchange Christmas gifts, and it is always great fun, as  we both have a knack of finding totally amazing, and appropriate gifts for one another. This year was no different, and the evening I went to her home just before Christmas to do our annual gift exchange, she had other guests for dinner and cocktails.

When I was at her home a few days later, I asked what the others had given her, as that particular night they had arrived totally empty handed. Not wine, no food, no gifts. She told me that I was the ONLY one of her friends who had given her any gifts, which made mine even more special.

EXCUSE ME??    Many of her friends are multi-millionaires and they gave her absolutely NOTHING?

They should be ashamed.

Even a trinket for $20 would have been better than nothing. It would certainly not have changed their lives.  But this is pure selfishness. Some of them went on extravagant vacations to luxury resorts, others were bragging about the expensive clothes……purses, etc they had purchased for themselves. Some of them sat at the table and carried on about how important it is for them to ‘give back’. Yet they gave NOTHING to a friend who entertains them.

There is another well known lady who hosts fabulous parties every Christmas in her elegant Westmount home. Although she stresses not to bring a gift, common courtesy dictates that one does, in fact, not arrive empty handed.

The frenzy of Christmas shopping, which initially was about giving onto others, has become a pre and post holiday shopping extravaganza of monumental proportions, yet, I am seriously questioning how much of this shopping is now given as gifts as opposed to purchases made for themselves. We hear another totally vulgar expression, ‘to treat oneself’ all the while proclaiming their generosity.

But have any of these loud people looked closer to home?     How many have friends who are down on their luck?      Sick?       Closed in?  Have ANY of them actually considered doing something kind for those individuals they actually  know?

One very close friend of mine died a few years ago, she was un-married, childless, and wealthy, as are her family. There are very few  in her family.   Many of us spent endless hours with her during her illness, driving her around, feeding her, bathing her, taking care of her, and ensuring she was not alone.  Yet she very publicly left a lot of money to charity, and the balance to her family, who are wealthy in their own right. Those close to her, including one friend who nearly lost everything, received absolutely nothing. We were not friends with her due to her wealth, most of us had absolutely no idea how rich she was. Yet her oldest friend who lost her home due to the recession, received absolutely nothing.

This is morally reprehensible.

Giving to strangers and charities  very publicly  while your oldest friend loses her home. There is something seriously wrong with this picture. I am not suggesting she should have purchased the home for her friend, however offering some assistance to help her out would have been the right thing to do, as given her level of wealth compared to the amount in question, it would not have made a difference in either her life of that of her family.

So, what is the message here?

Perhaps I will never be as wealthy as many of these people, perhaps I am old fashioned, naïve, overly generous, not selfish enough, not public enough with my good deeds. However, I do believe in KARMA. Think about it next time you give money to a stranger while a friend of yours suffers. Something seriously wrong here.

It is time to do the right thing. Just because you talk about it doesn’t make it so.

Consideration, Quality

A Night on the Highway

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Friday we left Toronto in the pouring rain and set off down the 401 towards Montreal. It was miserable, traffic was heavy, drivers were impatient and aggressive even though the road conditions left a lot to be desired. As always, we were naughty, and lollygagged along the way – endless music shops and other shops of interest. For the first time, we drove into downtown Kingston, and discovered a main street which was actually quite cute and interesting. We will be back when it is not pouring rain.

Traffic was heavy, lots of huge trucks flying down the highway – I was under the impression that by law they were to have speed limiters, but the speeds at which many were travelling, clearly well over 120k/h, puts question as to whether or not the law was being enforced at all.

Numerous slowdowns where we found ourselves parked on the 401, or at least moving at a crawl. The one thing which was not crawling was the rain, and it did not let up, accidents everywhere, some fairly spectacular ones, with cars and trucks facing in the wrong direction, pieces all over the road, in the ditch, a sea of ambulances, police cars and fire trucks. Nonetheless, this seemed to do nothing to slow down a good number of the drivers who were speeding, tailgating, weaving in and out between cars and huge trucks…….one fellow in a tiny old Datsun or something was driving like he was on a racetrack on a bright summer day……..he was terrifying to watch……it was like a suicide mission………and the pelting rain continued, the roads were greasy…behaviour like that is appallingly disrespectful to other drivers, as he was putting the lives of all the others on the road at risk who were close to him.

Somewhere around Cornwall the car started to act hokey – the interior lights flashed a couple of times and dimmed. More torrential rain – more race car drivers passing us.

Across the border into Quebec, more heavy traffic, more funky lights – then more flickering, then……………..silence, when the radio and heating unit simultaneously died. Ooooooo

A bizarre notification on the radio console stating ‘low battery’ ….really? On the radio console? ……..not on the dashboard? But then, off went the dashboard lights, plunging the interior of the car into total darkness. Black. Pouring rain. Heavy traffic. …. Then gridlock. Creeping slowly, more accidents, absolutely no cars heading west. ….no cars?? Not a good sign.

Rain is pelting down … Traffic is backed up for miles and miles behind us and in front of us, and is barely crawling.

Then, one more flicker of the lights and everything dies. It is pitch black. It is pouring rain. We are in the left lane of the 401. Fabulous. I dig around blindly in my handbag and pull out a tiny flashlight, go out into the road, and spend the next hour pointing it from left to right at eye level to keep cars from hitting us. Calls to CAA, calls to emergency 4141, more calls to CAA. I am behind the car in the pouring rain, my hair is now plastered to my head, I have water streaming down my face, my shoes are totally drenched and squish when I walk, my clothes are drenched, and I am shaking with cold.

One nice young man pulls over and inquires whether we have jumper cables, yes indeed, they try endlessly, but no luck. A taxi driver pulls over and offers to help, but nothing. Trucks and cars are pulling around us – some offer to drive me somewhere, others scream obscenities at me in French to push the car off the road and off the highway – it is a van, it is full, I am a woman, are they serious? ….not only is there no shoulder, but it is a muddy grassy ditch, and if I wasn’t behind the car with my flashlight, we would be hit and probably killed, as there are no functioning hazard or any other type of lights. Total genius. Such gallantry. Such exquisite manners.

Then, when you don’t expect it, a man with a thick Indian or Pakistani accent stops me and insists I give him directions to downtown Montreal. Are you for real? I’m standing in the pouring rain, with a flashlight and a broken down car, and you want traffic instructions. Fine. Instructions given. No thank you.

After an hour the tow truck arrives. The driver is big, with a shaved head, tattoos, multiple earrings. He is unilingual French. He succeeds in loading the van on his flat bed, and we get into the cab. I am shaking with cold and sitting in the middle, on an angle, trying to stay away from the stick shift and his arm.

A conversation ensues. The highway is littered with accidents. It is now one am. We are now in Vaudreuil. We left Toronto just after noon. If we are prepared to wait until 3 am he will drive us to our destination. The van is full, expensive guitars, keyboards, business files, computers, so we can’t leave it overnight in a parking lot. We must either spend the night in it, or find a van taxi into which we can unload everything.

We get into a conversation about language, then about cultural differences in Toronto, then about the Japanese spoken language, We pass a spectacular accident, a car is totalled, plastered sideways on a cement wall. There is no roof, no doors, the detritus is all over the road. The car it hit is totalled …….police, ambulances, firetrucks………lights……….
We ask him about accidents on Friday and he tells us that Friday and Saturday nights are always like that. Young people have a few beers and go out racing on the highway as if it was a sunny day in spring. But a slick road in the pouring rain with a black sky and other drivers doesn’t compare to a race track, so there are endless accidents and senseless deaths.

He pulls over onto a side road and avoids a mile or two of the gridlock, tells us about the severity of some of the accidents he sees in an evening. Makes a joke about not eating spaghetti dinners before going out on the road.

His mobile phone is ringing endlessly. Someone locked themselves out of their car at a bar, more accidents. I find myself being given pen and paper to take notes while he maneuvers the back black roads late at night in the pouring rain.

He goes looking for a convenience store. They are closed. He is approached in the parking lot of one by a potential customer who is having difficulties with his car. He explains he is busy, but the man insists. He points to the van, tells him he is busy. More arguments. After 3 closed convenience stores he is aggravated, but totally engaged in conversation with us. We are probably the first people to be sitting in his cab who are polite, respectful, and engaging him in an interesting conversation.

Another call. One of his drivers has just made it back into Quebec after dropping a car off in Toronto, he gives the man directions as to which roads to avoid due to the gridlock on the highway. He gives the other driver 3 of his out-calls, then turns to me and exclaims, now I will drive you home. To the door. No spending 2 or 3 hours sitting waiting for him. It is over an hour each way in the rain. We reach the front door at 2:30 am. I am sitting in the front seat, he had put the heater on for me, so my hair is now a totally frizzy mess. I joke with him about not making any comments about my bad hair do……..he makes me promise not to do the same with him…….(his head is shaved!!!)

I run into the house, bring him back 2 bottles of water while they are taking the van off the flatbed. We give him a $50 tip, he is beyond shocked. Doesn’t know what to say. No one ever thanks him, no one ever tips him. He can’t say thank you enough. He is totally touched. We thank him again and tell him he was awesome. He drives off into the rain and the dark with a wave and a smile.

Thank you our night-time hero.

Consideration, Impressions, Socialites

The Art of the Introduction

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This afternoon I went to an upscale art gallery for the opening of an exhibit of some fabulous art….known in Montreal as a ‘Vernissage’ and was introduced to a woman, once again, who pretended not to recognize me. Over the years we have been introduced dozens of times, yet she feigned politeness briefly and moved on in seek of greater prey.

The lady hosting the event continued to speak with me and commented that she was thrilled by my continued presence as she wouldn’t have to interact with the woman in question. This was done in an elegant way, but the meaning was clear. I giggled, and told her that this was far from the first time we had met, and that she was one of a succinct group of ‘pseudo socialites’ (you heard it here first!!!) who are always looking over the shoulder of the person they are speaking with in case someone better turns up. As the hostess and I have known each other for well over 30 years……. (even though I am 29, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!!)… we know a great many of the same people, we both mentioned a few names who are guilty of this particularly arrogant behaviour. The conclusion we reached, which was mutual, was that all of these rude people put on airs of grandeur, but are undoubtedly the least interesting or accomplished people in the room.

We chatted about the art and artistic community at large, and how much she enjoys working with them. and the incredible imagination to create this type of work.

There is an art to gracious introductions and the appropriate response required. One wonders if this is no longer taught, as it seems a large part of society has no idea what to do. One is expected to offer one’s hand and shake hands with the other individual, repeat their name while maintaining eye contact, and then ask a question of the other person, it could be regarding the location of the function, the art, the weather, or simply complimenting them on a piece of jewelry in order to show some interest. First impressions are usually inaccurate, and one is frequently surprised by whom one is meeting.

The lack of any willingness to speak to the other person or make any attempt at small talk is disrespectful and frightfully boorish behaviour towards both the other party and the individual trying to make the introduction.

One wonders if these people have any idea of what is being said behind their vacuous arrogant backs. Yes, we are paying attention, and we know who you are.!!!

Business, Consideration, Impressions

Your telephone skills speak volumes about who you areŠŠ.

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Our Consultancy is admittedly a small funky group of people who enjoy working together. Our clientele ranges from Fortune 100 to start-ups with very cool technology. Our assignments vary from seeking Angel or Venture Capital, Corporate reorganizations, Executive Search and IT Consulting.

Most of us have done extensive fund raising for various charities as well as politically, certainly I have, as well as being on numerous Boards of Directors.

Recently I hosted a couple of cocktail parties to introduce some of my friends to a local Photographer who has a fascinating eye, and has done some exceptional night photography.

One of the huge diferentiators with our Consultancy, is that, unlike many corporations who have voice mail where it is difficult to reach a human ever, our telephone is always answered by a human being except if is absolutely impossible or totally disrespectful to whomever we are with. Our clients love this, and we receive calls literally 7 days a week. One cannot manage a business between 9 and 5, during five days of the week.

There seems to be a new trend with lower level employees, including lower level managers in large corporations to either never answer the telephone or only answer when they see the call is from someone important within their own company or a family member. Some hide behind incredibly rude condescending secretaries who interrogate one as to ascertain the level of importance of the caller. Yes, admittedly, often on the instructions of their boss, however, the level of rudeness is hardly appropriate. I struck one of these individuals last week who queried, ‘is she expecting your call?’ when told the answer was no, she then told me to send an email outlining the reason of the call and they would decide if they deemed the call sufficiently important. Seriously??!! I let the arrogant secretary know that I indeed had the individual’s home number, that the interrogation convinced me that I was no longer interested in speaking with the woman in question.

One of the most striking discoveries I have made is that the more successful and wealthy the individual, the more likely they are to answer their own telephone, and if one is obliged to leave a message, it is usually returned within the hour with an apology for the delay. How senior are we talking about?? Well, one gentleman calls me from the air in his private jet, flying around the world to conduct business, another, who has travelled half way around the world twice in the last 2 months, another just returned from Europe, but always returns my calls 24/7 unless the time difference doesn’t allow it. Average net worth for these individuals?? Anywhere from $10 million to $1 billion.

For them, a lost phone call represents a lost opportunity. You can NEVER assume you know the reason for the call. You can NEVER assume that you actually know who the person is on the end of the telephone. Some of the least well dressed, most soft-spoken individuals are the most successful. Just because someone appears to be one thing, doesn’t mean that is in fact who they are. My friends and clients have certainly shown me that first impressions are undoubtedly very often wrong.

The joke is, the people who seem to believe they are too busy or too important to answer the telephone are usually the ones who are the least successful, earning anywhere from $40,000 to $150,000 per year.

The moral of the story?? Don’t behave like you are too busy or important to answer the telephone. You simply do NOT know the reason for the call at the other end of the line. They may never call you again.

Consideration, Government, Integrity

Student protest June 22, 2012

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It is now 4:03 on a sunny Friday afternoon in downtown Montreal. For the last 2 hours the so called ‘student’ protest has taken over the streets of Montreal causing havoc for business owners, and the population at large.

It is the beginning of a long weekend, so they have decided that they should disturb what is left of commerce in the downtown core.
Last night, Thursday, the streets were abandoned, restaurants were virtually empty. Tourists and residents have ceased coming downtown as no-one wants to find themselves in the middle of this nonsense. To date the cost of extra policing has been well in excess of $10 million, however the cost to the society at large is far greater. I have attached photographs which clearly indicate this is NOT to do with the puny tuition increases, but is a UNION and POLITICALLY motivated protest, unfortunately the protestors and the international press has been biased by the reporting of this, and the so called loss of rights with the passage of Bill 78.

If we want to discuss the loss of rights, perhaps Bill 101 which limits the rights of the English population to conduct business in their own language, and restricts the education rights of immigrants to this province. Or we can protest increased gas prices, food prices, paying tax to educate the children we don’t have (I pay a fortune in school tax, tax going to IVF, day care, etc, and have no children…….why should I have to pay???)

Check out the banners, mostly political and union. Do not be swayed by the rhetoric.